Light in the Shadows

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE


-CLAY-



Maria had been here for all of ten minutes and I was already regretting my decision to let her stay at Ruby’s for the night. I sensed the change in her the moment she showed up at my house Friday evening. It could have been the inch thick layer of make up on her face or the fact that her skirt barely covered her ass. I felt like I was staring at a stranger. This was not the Maria Cruz from Grayson’s.

“Clay!” she squealed after I had opened the door. Yeah, I noticed that she rubbed her tits against my chest as she squeezed me. And I wasn’t blind to the fact that she stared a little too long at my mouth as I greeted her. I didn’t know who the f*ck this girl was, but she was not my friend. She looked and sounded a lot like the girl Maria had been trying to get rid of. The one that f*cked any guy that would give her an ounce of attention. The girl who used sex the same way I had used drugs and cutting.

“Hey, Maria,” I said less enthusiastically, letting her into the house. Ruby wasn’t home, she was at the store, having thrown herself back into keeping the shop in order. I was glad she was getting herself out of the house, but right now I would have given anything for the Ruby buffer.

Maria tugged in an overnight bag that looked as though she had packed for a damn week. “Here let me get that,” I offered, picking it up. Jesus Christ, did she think she was moving in?

“What the hell do you have in here? Bowling balls?” I grunted, bringing it into the living room. Maria giggled, making my skin crawl a bit.

“No, silly. A girl just needs plenty of clothing options. And shoes aren’t light,” she teased. I rolled my eyes.

“Shoes. Sure,” I said, trying not to be annoyed by the already shitty beginning to this visit. I was instantly on guard around Maria and I had never felt that way. Not even when it was apparent she had feelings for me. She had always been unassuming, shy even. Nothing like the Maria who stood in the middle of my living room, with her cleavage on full display and a hand on her hip giving f*ck me eyes.

“How was the drive?” I asked, trying to find a way into comfortable territory. Asinine small talk seemed the way to go. Maria pulled a tube of lip gloss from her purse and started to liberally apply it, rubbing it in with her finger.

“Fine. Hit some traffic on the beltway, but that was to be expected on a Friday,” she said, shrugging, the action causing her shirt to fall dangerously low on her shoulder. Crap, I could see the top of her boobs. This was not cool. Maggie was going to be pissed when she got a load of Maria. I knew she was feeling insecure about my friendship with Maria. She had never come right out and admitted it, but I knew my girlfriend well enough to recognize the signs of her self-esteem taking a nose dive. I hadn’t been sure how to handle that, because Maggie’s feelings were completely unfounded.

So seeing Maria dressed like this, making it obvious that this visit was more about seeing the inside of my bedroom than hanging out, would not go over well. And Maggie was supposed to be here at any minute.

I looked away and gestured with my head toward the kitchen. “Want something to drink?” I asked. Maria grinned and nodded.

“Sure, I am pretty thirsty,” she purred, the innuendo obvious. Just get through the next twenty four hours without having to break up a chick fight, I thought to myself. Because if Maggie didn’t go ballistic on this overly sexualized Maria, then Rachel would definitely have something to say.

I needed a serious reminder as to why I thought hanging out with Maria, Maggie, Rachel and Daniel would be a good idea. Oh that’s right, because I wasn’t expecting Maria “sex fiend” Cruz to arrive on my doorstep like she was deep throating my cock in her head.

“Water okay?” I asked, flipping on the light as we entered the kitchen.

“Sounds perfect,” Maria answered, making herself at home at the kitchen table. “So, things seem good for you since you’ve gotten out,” she said, taking the glass I handed her.

“You make it sound like I busted out of prison,” I commented, sitting down across from her at the table, though making sure to keep a healthy distance. One that would make any sort of touching impossible. I knew Maria to be touchy feely anyway, and I didn’t know what to expect with her acting like this.

Maria laughed. “Well, it kind of was like prison, don’t you think?” she said, taking a sip of water.

“Not really. There are days I wish I could go back, actually,” I found myself admitting. Despite how weird Maria was being, there was something reassuring about talking to someone who had been in the trenches with me. That maybe she, of all people, would understand how hard it is to be out of treatment.

Or maybe not.

“That’s just crazy, Clay! I would never go back there. Not in a million years!” she said emphatically and I looked at her in surprise. I had no idea she had hated it there so badly. I had always gotten the impression that she felt the same way I did about treatment. That it was a necessary evil. Not one that we would have originally chosen for ourselves, but an essential one.

“Really? You don’t find it hard being on the outside? Trying to get through the day?” I asked.

Maria looked at me levelly. “No, Clay. I much prefer the person I am off the medication.”

Well, shit. She wasn’t medicated anymore. That explained a lot. Maria had been on heavy duty anti-depressants. I was more than a little shocked that she had stopped taking them. But then didn’t I have moments myself where I thought about chucking mine into the toilet? Maria reminded me of how easy it was to forget why you took them in the first place.

But one thing was for sure, Maria was officially a ticking time bomb and not one that I particularly wanted around Maggie and her friends. But I was stuck now. I just had to temper the situation as much as possible.

“How long have you been off your meds, Maria?” I asked softly. She tapped her hand on the table in agitation, clearly not liking my question.

“I don’t know, a while. Why does it matter anyway? You aren’t still taking that crap are you?” she scoffed. Wow, okay.

“Yeah, I am. I don’t particularly feel like having a visit with a straight jacket, alright,” I said testily. Maria rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be such a drama queen, Clay. Look at me, I’m fine,” she held her arms out as if that proved her point.

“You don’t seem fine, Maria. In fact, you seem about the farthest from fine I’ve ever seen,” I told her firmly. Her eyes widened and her mouth gaped in shock at my blunt assessment. Before she could respond, I heard the doorbell ring and I groaned inwardly.

Here we go, I thought.

“Hang on a sec. That’s Maggie,” I told Maria, whose mouth tightened at the mention of my girlfriend.

“Well, come on, let me meet this famous Maggie,” Maria said overly brightly, following me into the foyer. I had hoped to have a moment alone with Maggie to prepare her for my good ol’ friend from treatment. So much for that. Time to witness the train wreck about to happen and just hope like hell I could fix it all later.

Maggie stood on my stoop looking the complete opposite of Maria in every way that counted. She wore jeans that fit her perfectly and a long sleeved cotton top that didn’t show an excess amount of skin but made my mouth water all the same. Her shoulder length brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she wore next to no makeup. She was gorgeous.

“Hi, baby,” I said in genuine happiness to see her. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her on the mouth, loving the taste of her cherry lip gloss. The sound of Maria clearing her throat made Maggie pull back, looking slightly mortified by our overt public display of affection.

The moment she saw Maria and her street walker get up, I knew I’d hear about it later. Her eyes widened slightly and she gave Maria the quick girl once over. Not something I had ever seen Maggie do before, but I could see how insecure she was about Maria’s presence in my house.

“Hi, I’m Maggie,” she said politely, holding out her hand for Maria to take. Maria laughed.

“What are we, fifty? Who shakes hands anymore?” Maria said snidely. Maggie stiffened and dropped her hand.

“People who have enough sense not to be rude to someone they just met?” Maggie stated, cocking her head to the side and giving Maria a smile that was both sickeningly sweet and full of bitch slapping condescension.

Maria snorted and turned on her heel and walked back into the living room. Maggie narrowed her eyes at me. “What the hell is that?” she whispered angrily.

“I have no freaking clue! She was nothing like that while we were at Grayson’s. But she has a history of…sexual issues. So, I don’t know,” I answered weakly. Maggie stood there fuming.

“And Miss F*ck Me Please is staying overnight under the same roof as you? Yeah, I feel really great about that, Clay!” Maggie hissed, trying to keep her voice low.

I ushered her into the house and closed the door behind her. “You have nothing to worry about,” I told her, grabbing her hand.

Maggie sighed. “It’s not you I worry about. That bitch has her claws out and she’s ready to sink them into your flesh. So you’d better watch out,” she warned, stomping off into the living room, where Maria was flipping through channels on the television.

We had around twenty minutes before we had to meet Rachel and Daniel for dinner. And they proved to be the longest twenty minutes in the history of awkwardness.

Maggie tried to talk to Maria but the other girl was having none of it. Maria directed all of her attention my way and I felt like a bone being fought over by two dogs. I know this is probably every other guys’ dream come true, to have good looking chicks fighting over him. But I didn’t feel lucky. I just wished I could kick Maria’s ass out of my house and pretend this crappy night had never happened.

But I couldn’t. Even if I wanted to, I wasn’t that much of a dick.

When Maggie excused herself to go to the bathroom I turned on Maria. “What the f*ck is your problem?” I asked her angrily.

Maria could tell I was pissed and she made an attempt to dial down the witchiness. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be a brat. I guess I was just so used to having your attention all to myself when we were at Grayson’s, I just don’t like to share.” Her response threw me off balance. And if I hadn’t been sure before, I sure as well knew now, that Maria had developed an unhealthy attachment to me.

“Look, Maria, I’ll remind you of what I said to you at Grayson’s, we are friends. Only friends. Maggie is who I love. If you can’t be in my house and be respectful to my girlfriend, then I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” I told her firmly.

And just like that, the vampy sex kitten cracked and I could start to see Maria, my friend, underneath. “I’m sorry, Clay. I’ll stop it. You’re right, I’m being rude,” she said.

When Maggie returned from the bathroom, Maria made an effort to talk to her. Maggie looked surprised, but she went with it and I felt I could let out a sigh of relief that maybe it was a crisis averted. Let’s just put a tick by delusions on my list of crazy.

***

“How much time do we have until it’s time to leave?” Maria asked. I looked at the time on my phone.

“Ten minutes or so,” I said.

“I’m going to go change,” Maria said, looking suddenly self-conscious.

“The guest room is upstairs, the first door on the right. The bathroom is at the end of the hall,” I told her. Maria picked up her bag and gave Maggie and me a small smile before heading up the stairs.

“She’s…something,” Maggie said in feigned politeness. I sighed deeply and sat down on the couch.

“Sorry about earlier. I don’t know what her deal is,” I replied tiredly, already wishing the night was over.

Maggie snorted and sat down beside me, laying her head against my shoulder. “She likes you, Clay. It’s not that hard to figure out. Between the outfit from Tramps‘R’Us and the I-hate-you glare I’ve been getting since I showed up, I’d think that was pretty obvious,” Maggie said. I didn’t say anything. No point really. I didn’t want to try to explain Maria’s brand of f*cked uptness just now.

Maria reappeared a few minutes later, this time dressed in a simple pair of jeans and red blouse. She had scrubbed off most of the makeup and I was relieved to see her looking more like herself.

“Okay, ladies. Let’s get this show on the road,” I said, grabbing my keys. Maria and Maggie followed me out to my car.

“You can take the front, Maria,” Maggie offered magnanimously. Maria thanked her and climbed up front with me. I gave Maggie an appreciative kiss on the lips and got into the driver’s seat.

“Do you mind?” Maria asked, messing with the radio. I shrugged and almost took back my agreement when Maria picked a rap station and turned it up. I caught Maggie’s eye in the rearview mirror and she stuck her tongue out at me.

I grinned and turned onto Davidson’s main street. “Wow, it’s so small,” Maria commented, looking out her window as we drove past the string of shops that lined the center of town. “How do you guys not lose your mind?” she joked.

“Cow tipping and making moon shinefills the free time,” Maggie replied blandly and Maria blinked in confusion, as though she were trying to figure out whether Maggie was being serious or not. Maggie’s sarcasm took some getting used to, that’s for sure.

We pulled into the local diner and I noticed Daniel’s truck was already parked. “Places like this make me gain ten pounds. Just super,” Maria complained and I tried not get irritated by her whining. How had I never noticed this less than appealing side of my friend during all the months we had spent together?

“That’s okay; the average American is ten to fifteen pounds overweight anyway. You’ll just be fitting in with the general population,” Maggie quipped sliding out of the car after I opened the door for her. I shot her a look and she returned my stare with wide-eyed innocence. Maggie clearly hadn’t forgotten Maria’s earlier bitchiness. This night had awesome written all over it. Obviously I was sporting my own level of sarcasm this evening.

We found Rachel and Daniel at a corner booth and headed toward them. “Yummy,” Maria purred, catching sight of Daniel. Maggie stiffened beside her.

“Yeah and he’s very taken,” she warned, cutting Maria off so she could slide into the booth beside Daniel. Maria grinned like a cat on the prowl and I groaned inwardly for the hundredth time since she had shown up.

“Hi guys! Took you long enough,” Rachel teased, giving me a smile. Rachel and I had definitely become something close to friends. She was a cool girl and I knew it made Maggie happy to have us getting along.

“Hey, this is Maria Cruz, my friend from Florida. Maria this is Rachel Bradfield and Daniel Lowe,” I waved my hand between them in introduction. Rachel gave Maria a wide smile.

“Hi, Maria! Nice to meet you,” she said, leaning around me as she spoke. Maria smiled tightly.

“You guys up for a dude movie tonight? I’ve had my fill of chick flicks lately,” Daniel said, grabbing some menus and passing them around to everyone.

“I’m up for anything,” Maria said, batting her eyelashes. Daniel looked at her as though she had three heads and Rachel tried to cover up her laughter. Maggie grit her teeth and I just wanted to cover my head with my arms and pretend this night wasn’t happening.

“Okay then, I vote for shit being blown up. Rachel is not allowed to suggest that movie about the two best friends where one of them has cancer. I didn’t bring enough tissues for that crap,” Daniel gripped. Maggie smacked his arm.

“Spoiler alert you ass! I wanted to see that!” Daniel laughed and dodged another punch.

Rachel rolled her eyes and turned back to Maria. “So, Maria, you’re from Florida? Did you go to school with Clay?” Ah, f*ck. Clearly Maggie’s friends weren’t clued into the fact that I knew Maria from the treatment center.

Maria shot me a look before answering. “Not exactly. I was a patient at the Grayson Center while Clay was there. We had a lot of groups together,” she answered, not shy in the least about announcing to complete strangers that she had been in a psychiatric facility for three months.

Rachel paled and looked embarrassed. “Oh, that’s nice,” she stuttered, looking away.

Maria, seeming to revel in Rachel’s mortification, kept on going. “Yeah, I wasn’t there for trying to off myself like our good buddy, Clay, here. I have a bad habit of f*cking anything that moves. Of course that’s because of my abusive a*shole of a father. So consider me the stereotypical slut with a bad case of Daddy issues.” I choked on my soda and Rachel’s pale face went bright red.

“Cool it, Maria,” I bit out under my breath. Maria snickered and looked down at her menu. She seemed entirely too pleased with herself.

“So how long are you visiting for?” Maggie asked, obviously wanting to know how long we’d be have to put up with Maria’s fantastic personality.

“Just for the night. I have to head back to Alexandria in the morning. My brother lives there and I’m supposed to stay with him for a few days before flying back to Florida. But I think I kind of like Virginia. I may have to extend my stay,” Maria smiled at me and I looked away.

Yeah, that was the last thing I needed.

The waitress came and took our orders. Maria complained about the greasy food on the menu and took forever to finally decide on a salad.

While we waited on our food, Rachel attempted more small talk. She asked Maria questions about Florida. Maria gave short, one word answers. After several conversation nonstarters, Rachel gave up and sat quietly drinking her milk shake. Daniel and Maggie were engaged in their own discussion about soccer.

“I thought you were going to try to be nice? Enough with the Cruella Deville act!” I whispered. Maria narrowed her eyes at me but didn’t say anything.

Once our food arrived, everyone seemed to be in complete agreement and inhaled our meals. No one seemed particularly keen on spending anymore time sitting there in awkward silence. Maggie looked pissed and I didn’t blame her. Maria was causing some serious drama and I would be giving her a piece of my mind about this later. Maria’s unmedicated self was not particularly likable. And I was able to see for the first time, how horrible it must have been to be around me when I refused to take my meds.

I felt like shit for putting Maggie, Ruby and Lisa through that for so long.

Daniel and Rachel followed us to the movie theater in the next town. Maggie didn’t even bother trying to talk to Maria, the line in the dirt was drawn and neither girl was going to step over it. These two were definitely not destined to be best friends anytime soon.

Maria was acting like a jealous girlfriend. And my actual girlfriend simply ignored me. Super f*cking fantastic.

I bought tickets for Maggie and myself. Maybe I should have offered to pay for Maria but at this point, I didn’t want to give her any ideas. While Maggie went the restroom and Maria went to get some popcorn, Rachel and I waited for Daniel, who was talking to a few guys from school.

“So you were in treatment with Maria?” Rachel asked. I looked down at the much shorter girl and she seemed really uncomfortable. We didn’t have the type of relationship that allowed for deep discussion. And I had never contemplated talking about my time in Florida with her.

“Yeah,” I answered briefly. Rachel shuffled her feet on the ground.

“I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but what’s her deal? She seems, I don’t know, weird I guess.” That was the understatement of the year.

I looked over at women’s restroom, hoping Maggie would come out and save me from this conversation. No such luck.

“She’s not taking her medication for starters. I had no idea she’d be like this when I said she could come for a visit. Maria wasn’t like this in treatment. Trust me; I’d never have been friends with someone who acts the way she is acting tonight. She really is a nice girl. A screwed up girl. But she means well, deep down,” I found myself defending Maria.

Rachel chewed on her lip thoughtfully. “I believe you. That just sucks she’s not taking care of herself. I can tell she’s probably pretty cool underneath all that other stuff.” Rachel surprised me with her astuteness.

“Yeah, she is. I’m really sorry about all of this though,” I said. Rachel gave me a smile.

“Don’t apologize. It’s fine. I just feel for Maggie. She hides her insecurity well, but I know this whole thing has to be bothering her,” Rachel said, meeting my eyes.

“We both have some issues to sort out with the whole jealousy thing, I suppose,” I said. Rachel and I stood there quietly and I noticed a girl with long blonde hair approach Daniel and put her hand on his arm. The guys he was talking to all exchanged looks and I wondered who the hell that was and why Rachel wasn’t marching over there and pulling the other girl’s hair out.

Rachel was watching them and she did seem a bit tenser, but she didn’t move. “Who’s that?” I asked, indicating the girl. Daniel had purposefully moved away from her and seemed to be extremely unhappy with the chick trying to touch him.

“That’s Kylie Good,” Rachel explained and it all made sense. Daniel’s ex-girlfriend tried to say something to him but he wasn’t having it. He turned to the guys and said something, his back to Kylie in clear dismissal.

“Does that bother you? Seeing some other girl hit on him like that?” I asked, honestly curious as to how she was staying in check. F*ck, if that was Maggie and Jake I would be losing my freaking mind about now. I was beyond impressed with Rachel’s self-control.

Rachel shrugged. “It bothers me. But there’s no point in getting upset about it. Daniel isn’t interested in Kylie. She can play her stupid little games and it doesn’t change the fact that he’s with me. So what’s the point of getting jealous? Either you trust someone or you don’t.” My mouth fell open in disbelief.

“Man, I could use some of your logical thinking the next time Jake eye f*cks my girlfriend,” I joked but I was deadly serious. I wished I could get to where Rachel was at. I just didn’t know if I had it in me right now to be so level headed.

Rachel put her hand on my arm. “You have nothing to worry about where Jake is concerned. Maggie has always only had eyes for you. That jealousy crap is about you, not her,” she said sagely. And I wondered whether my insurance company should be paying her instead of Shaemus. This chick was wise.

Maria joined us then, a drink and a box of milk duds in her hands. “I thought you didn’t eat junk food, Maria,” I commented. Maria smiled sheepishly.

“Ah, well you know. When in Rome,” she said. Maggie came out of the bathroom and Daniel headed back to our group, without saying another word to Kylie. Rachel was right not to worry about Daniel, that dude was so whipped, if I wasn’t in the same boat with Maggie, I’d give him shit about it.

After the movie, I drove Maggie and Maria back to my house. Ruby was home so we sat with her and watched TV for a while. Maggie’s frostiness thawed a bit once she was around my aunt. Ruby seemed more like her old self. She talked about things at the shop and even pulled out her Tarot cards to give Maria a reading.

When it was time for Maggie to leave, I left Maria with Ruby and walked her out to her car. Maria had called out a goodbye but didn’t say anything else. “Mags, I’m so sorry about Maria this evening. I know that had to be hard for you,” I said once we got to her car.

“Well a day in Disney World it wasn’t, but that’s not your fault. I just don’t like leaving, knowing she’ll be under the same roof as you all night. She could try to crawl into your bed while you’re sleeping or something,” she teased, but I could tell she was barely containing her jealousy.

I pulled her into my arms. “If she does that shit, I’ll kick her ass out. Friend or not. There’s only one girl allowed in my bed,” I kissed her deeply, feeling instant relief as she parted her lips and let my tongue slide into her mouth. My hand snaked up her back and tangled in her hair.

“Sorry if I wasn’t Miss Molly Sunshine. I guess I could have tried harder to be nice,” Maggie said after breaking away. I hugged her tightly to my chest.

“You were perfect, you always are,” I assured her and she snorted.

“And you are ridiculous. But thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Maggie gave me another kiss and I waited until her car disappeared before I returned to the house.

Ruby had gone up to bed and Maria was thumbing through a magazine. “Girlfriend gone?” she asked without looking up.

“Yeah, Maggie left. And I’m going to tell you right now, Maria, you’re behavior tonight was really f*cking shitty. I don’t care what reasons you had, you don’t come to my home, my town, around my friends and act like a bitch. This person I see right now, she isn’t the Maria I became friends with at Grayson’s,” I told her feeling myself get angry.

Maria dropped the magazine on the table. “I know. But being who I was at Grayson’s doesn’t work for me out here. Who I am now doesn’t get hurt. She makes her own rules. It’s the only way I can survive,” she admitted softly, her face more open and vulnerable than it had been since she had arrived.

I sat down beside her on the couch. “Yeah, but at least you were being honest with yourself while you were at Grayson’s. This whole I’m-a-bitch-don’t-f*ck-with-me act will only leave you miserable and alone. I should know. I’ve spent way too much time pushing people away,” I said, seeing way too much of myself in the girl who sat beside me.

Her brokenness covered by rough defiance was entirely too familiar. “And you need to get back on your medication,” I told her sternly and she rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

“Jeesh, Clay, you’re not my parent. Because if you were, you wouldn’t be giving a shit about anything I do.” Maria tried to hide the tears in her eyes by looking away.

“We really are a f*cked up pair, you and me. Way too many Mommy and Daddy issues and way too much self-loathing. You’re heading into a bad place. I can see it; I’ve been there enough times myself,” I hated to see my friend like this and it was unfortunately triggering something else in me.

A reminder of how much I had screwed up in my own life. Of the person I still was deep down. And I felt the all too familiar pain in my gut. Maria didn’t respond. I don’t know if it was because I had made her think about her behavior or whether she had just shut down.

“I’m tired, I’m going to bed. I have to get up and leave early. So I’ll see you in the morning,” Maria said abruptly, getting to her feet.

And I was left in the wake of it all, feeling like I had come face to face with a person who was more like me than I wanted to admit.