Leave Me Breathless

Chapter Sixteen


“Oh, what the f*ck.”

Seth’s voice yanked Macy from a fitful sleep…if what she was doing could be called that. She never could get comfortable or relaxed enough in a car to fully achieve it. Whatever the case, he startled her so that she was upright and wide awake almost before the final k left his lips.

By all appearances, it was early afternoon, and he was nudging the GTO to the curb on a quiet-looking street lined with quiet-looking houses. They had made it to his sister’s, presumably. And he wasn’t happy.

“What’s wrong?”

“That.” He pointed through the windshield at the shiny black Tahoe with Texas plates parked in front of them. “That is my sorry motherf*cker of a brother.”

“Oh. You didn’t think he’d come?”

“Why the hell would he? He hasn’t done shit so far; why start now?”

“Well…” At a loss and a grave disadvantage, Macy fumbled for something encouraging to say and gave up. Nothing her sleepy brain could conjure would magically undo what appeared to be years of animosity. “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t believe Steph didn’t give me the heads-up he was here.”

“Maybe she didn’t think you’d come if she did.”

“I wouldn’t have. I’d have at least gone straight to the hospital like I wanted to in the first place. If she’s got some kind of family reunion kiss-and-make-up shit in mind, she can hang it up.”

Here was an angle she could take, maybe. “You’re her brothers. She needs you both. Whatever’s in the past, put it aside for her and your grandmother. You all need each other now.”

“I need that a*shole like I need—”

“Yes, everyone knows that. Listen to what I said, please? Am I not right?”

He hadn’t killed the engine yet. He could still dart away and avoid this altogether…for now, at least. He’d have to face it sooner or later. She could see the calculations going on behind his eyes. And the pain. Maybe leaving right now would be for the best. She didn’t like it, but the last thing she wanted to get caught up in was drama in an unfamiliar family. Sam and Candace were only a couple hours behind them, maybe three. If Seth’s driving away right now would keep the peace until her friends could get here and rescue her, hell, she should be all for it.

“Whatever you want to do,” she told him quietly.

He deflated. His brief nap had invigorated him enough that he’d seemed okay when they swapped driving duties at the state line, but now she watched the lingering exhaustion take hold of him, absolutely sapping what remaining energy he had left. Reaching up, he turned the key off. Everything about the motion seemed like a slow defeat.

What could be as bad as that? What was waiting for him in there?

“Maybe you should clue me in a little?”

“Macy, I honestly don’t have the strength right now. You’ll find out soon enough.”

Adequately mystified, she turned her attention to the pretty white frame house beyond the small but meticulously landscaped yard to their right. As she watched, a blonde woman stepped out onto the porch with a toddler on her hip, waved and descended the steps. The same woman from the pictures at his house.

Seth popped open his door, and Macy followed suit, getting out and trailing him up the walkway. She stood without speaking while he and his sister embraced as best they could around his nephew—who was adorable—and then stepped forward into Seth’s reach when he turned back and held his arm out toward her.

“Macy, sister. Sister, Macy.”

“Stephanie,” the other woman supplied. To Macy’s surprise, she rushed forward and pulled her into a one-armed hug too. “Thank you so much for coming with him.”

“It was no problem, really. I’m sorry about your nana.” Despite the somberness of the exchange, she had to chuckle as the little boy on Steph’s hip grabbed her hair in a death grip, and Steph joined in her laughter as she worked to extricate her.

“I never have that problem,” Seth deadpanned as Macy came free. He rubbed the shadow on his shaved head in demonstration.

“Well, if that’s what I have to do to stop having that problem, I’ll pass.” Steph took her little boy’s hand and waved it at Macy. “This is Matthew, and yes, he loves long hair. And dangly earrings. Come on in, you guys. You look exhausted.”

“Hold up. You could’ve warned me he was here, you know. I mean…dammit, Steph.”

“Are you being serious? Don’t you think it’s time you got over it?”

“No, I f*cking don’t. That’s not some shit you just get over.”

“Jesus, Seth, you have a beautiful, obviously wonderful angel of a girl right here.” Macy nearly jumped backward when Stephanie indicated her with a sweep of her free arm. What the hell did she have to do with anything? “So what does it even matter anymore?”

It all clicked into place. Oh, God. It was over a girl. Some other girl. Macy shifted uncomfortably, more convinced than ever this had been a very, no, excruciatingly bad idea.

“I don’t give a f*ck about the girl. What I give a f—” He seemed to catch himself when Steph smacked his arm and jerked her head toward his nephew. “What I care about is that I’m blood related to someone who’d even do that sh—stuff. You should take note, you know. If he’ll screw me, he’ll screw you.”

Steph sighed with weary resignation. “I’m sure we won’t have to deal with him for long. Once it’s all over, he’ll disappear again. Just play nice for now, please?”

“I guess she’s here too?”

“She’s here.”

“If he starts up with me, I’m gone.”

“Fine. Fair enough.” His sister turned and went up the steps. Seth looked at Macy, who stared back with something akin to panic as the screen door banged shut.

“This is about some girl?” she hissed at him. “Thanks a lot for warning me.”

“It’s…” He shook his head and turned, clomping up the steps. Practically leaving her standing there. “It’s just f*cked up.” As she considered bolting for his car and jacking it all the way back to Texas, he stopped and looked back at her. “I didn’t expect all this, you know. If I had, you wouldn’t be here. I’m sorry.”

If he was trying to encourage her, he was failing miserably…but he wasn’t trying, she decided as he pulled open the screen door and stared at her expectantly. He had closed down, turned off. She’d watched it happen in the car. It wasn’t exhaustion—or it wasn’t only exhaustion. It was emotional shutdown. The grimness she’d only seen flashes of since he’d come back had overtaken all remaining good humor in his features.

Whatever this was, he definitely wasn’t over it by now. Where did that leave her?

Aching like hell, that was what. It hurt. Anger bubbled up, but as she’d told herself in the car, she had to get a grip. Now wasn’t the time, and she’d be going home blessedly soon. Maybe she’d have a good long while to step back and mull it over while he stayed here. Just a couple more hours. Hang in there.

She brushed past Seth into the house as he held the door for her, almost afraid of what she would find. No one was in the living room, but voices drifted in from what must be the kitchen up ahead. She waited for Seth to come in and lead the way, wiping her damp palms on her jeans.

And stopped in her tracks.

A man had stepped into the doorway…and he could’ve been Seth himself, only…well, with hair. Just as he’d looked in that picture at his house. Identical.

Freaking twins. God, there were two of him?

Only this guy was another animal entirely. His clothes were expensive. Not a rip or tear or even a worn spot in those starched jeans, and what skin she could see on his arms carried no trace of ink.

Wow. Just…f*cking wow.

Seth greeted him, shook hands with him, but he did so coolly. Macy was waiting for her own introduction—his name was Scott, wasn’t it?—when a very tall, very beautiful blonde came in behind Seth’s brother and took her place beside him. She wore slim black pants and a flowing blue top that did nothing to hide the fact she was also very pregnant.

Macy felt Seth freeze up beside her. If that were even possible given the tension already coming off him in waves. Had he not known?

“Seth,” the blonde said, “how have you been?”

“I’ve been great. I see you’re…doing well.”

She dropped a delicate hand—her left hand, big sparkling rock on her finger—to her swollen belly and laughed as Scott settled his arm around her shoulders. “I guess if you can call this ‘well’.”

“Yeah, you…look great.”

“Doesn’t she?” Scott asked. “Brooke’s the hottest little mama around.” He nuzzled her ear and she giggled.

Brooke. Brooke?

The Brooke?

Oh, hell no.

Forget Seth acting a fool; Macy herself was ready to launch at this guy’s throat on his behalf. F*cked up, he’d said. Yeah, that was an understatement. This was all kinds of f*cked up.

And now the twin-brother-hopping Brooke was pregnant, and apparently, Seth hadn’t known.

Through the rushing in her ears, she was vaguely aware the conversation went stiltedly on. How humiliated must he be for Macy to see this? She wanted to get him out of here, because he was going through enough, and now he had to face this too. Everything she’d told him in the car was off the table. They definitely should not have come here.

But for God’s sake, he could have told her. He could have trusted her that much. Though if the tables were reversed, could she have done the same?

“Aren’t you going to introduce us to your girlfriend?” Scott was saying. Macy snapped out of her funk, realizing she’d let herself stand back ignored for too long. She was opening her mouth to reply when Seth opened his. Oh, did he ever open it.

“I don’t know. Is it safe?”

Macy had the irrational thought that the elephant in the room had just surged forward and trumpeted and trampled everything in its path. The painful, forced formality towered into full-blown hostility as Scott glared at Seth with a look that could burn through steel and Brooke dropped her gaze to the floor. Stephanie entered the room cautiously at their backs, looking ready to throw herself between the four of them if need be.

Macy stuck her hand out practically in Scott’s face. “Macy Rodgers. Very nice to meet you.”

He blinked and looked at her, taking her hand briefly. “Scott Warren. You too.”

She swung her hand to the blonde. “Brooke, was it?”

Looking relieved, she nodded and shook also, but Macy didn’t miss the tremor in her hands. “Brooke Warren.”

“So nice to meet you too. How far along are you?”

“Seven months.”

“Wow.” She gave Seth’s arm a backhanded smack. “I hope I look that good when I’m seven months.”

Brooke looked confused. “Oh, are you…?”

“God, no. Just, you know, someday.” She linked her arm through Seth’s and beamed up at him. A hint of a smile played around his lips as he stared back.

“O-of course,” the other girl stammered.

“Listen, I’m about to fall down from exhaustion, let’s go sit and—”

Stephanie, who had just begun to breathe again, jumped all over Macy’s suggestion. “Yes! Let’s all sit down for a few minutes. Seth, Macy, I have drinks and snacks out for you guys. You must be starving. You can freshen up, and we’ll go see Nana.”

“Any change?” Seth asked. “I’d rather not wait.”

“I know, sweetie, but she’s stable. Let’s take care of you first.” She bustled them into the kitchen like the mother hen Seth had said she was. Macy didn’t miss the mouthed “thank you” she sent her way as they took places around the dining room table and a smorgasbord of chips and sandwiches and drinks.

It was still awkward, and that awful tightness continued to hang in the air, but the fear that violence might erupt at any moment slowly ebbed. The situation had been addressed. Scott seemed to know Seth hadn’t forgotten and wasn’t going to forgive. The two of them hardly looked at each other, spoke even less. Macy, Brooke and Stephanie carried what conversation there was.

Under the table, she sought out Seth’s hand, held it tight. He didn’t eat. His constant fidgeting and checking his watch plainly said he didn’t want to be here, and Macy couldn’t help thinking if she wasn’t here, he would get in his car and go to the hospital, where he wanted to be. She was holding him up.

Leaning over, she put her mouth close to his ear. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

He nodded and stood, pulling her with him, telling the others they’d be back. They walked out front to where his car was parked, Macy crossing her arms against the chill the weak late-February sun couldn’t eliminate. A headache was blossoming at the back of her skull and she pulled out her ponytail holder. For a moment they were silent as cars passed on the street and a group of kids biked by them. She barely even knew where to begin.

“I’m sorry. If you want to go, let’s go,” she said at last. “Sam and Candace can pick me up at the hospital.”

“It’s all right. I friggin’ hate hospitals, and I’m sure you do too, so no reason to subject you to that. Are you cold?” He made a move to unzip his hoodie, but she stopped him.

“I’m fine. And really, it’s not a big deal. But Seth? I so wish you’d warned me what I was walking into.”

The look on his face said she didn’t need to tell him that. “F*cked up, right? You handled it like a champ, though. Thank you for that.”

She gave him a little smile and flipped her hair back in an I-ain’t-scared gesture. He chuckled. “So I guess you don’t want to talk about it now, either,” she said.

“Well, it’s out there. You got any questions, shoot.”

“I take it this girl… How did it go? Was there a competition for her between you and your brother, or what?”

“I guess there was, only I didn’t know about it. She left me for him. It’s been…Christ, almost seven years. They took the p-ssy way out, practically disappeared into the night together, and I hadn’t laid eyes on either of them since. Until today. Had no idea she’s pregnant.”

“You loved her.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you still?”

She would have thought he’d expect that to be the next logical question to leave her lips, but he looked staggered by it. Her heart sank. Hostility between him and his brother she could understand. You just didn’t do that to someone you cared about. If he wanted to carry the grudge around with him for the rest of his life, that was his business. Unhealthy, maybe, but his business.

How he felt about another woman while Macy was becoming increasingly more involved with him was her business.

“It’s like I can’t disentangle my feelings for her from my hatred for him. Does that make sense? I can’t say that I love her, no. But I’m always gonna hate him. Every f*cking day, I’m gonna hate him. When I think about him, I have to think about her, and I get pissed off all over again.”

“Do you hate him because of her, or was that the nail in the coffin?”

“He was always an a*shole. But then, so was I, so can’t blame him there. I don’t know. We never had much more than toleration between us, even before shit went way south.”

“So…the tattoos, the music, the piercings…I mean, what are you trying to do, distance yourself as much from your twin as possible?”

“Jesus, Macy. I am who I am. Not to rebel, not to piss anyone off, and damn sure not for any f*cking reason related to that douche bag in there.”

“That wasn’t… I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

Now that the can of worms was open, though, he couldn’t seem to put the lid on it again. “I guess my brother was an upgrade. Same package, bigger ambitions. And she was right, too, wasn’t she? As it turns out. So…whatever.”

“What are you talking about? As sure of yourself as you’ve always been, you can’t possibly believe that.”

“I know what I believe about myself.” He gestured toward the house. “But I also know what they believe about me.”

“Well, who cares about them, then?” One corner of her mouth tugged upward. “F*ck them.”

It was worth it to see his eyebrows shoot up, to see a genuine grin brighten his face. All it had taken was an f-bomb from her. But his next words had her losing her own smile, and he wouldn’t look at her as he said them, instead watching the toe of his boot dig into the ground. “You would wreck me, you know that?”

“What?”

“If you ever run some shit on me like she did. I’ve known it from the start. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. I’ve crashed and burned too many times, but here I am, asking for more.”

Her heart lurched. She stepped forward and grasped the zippered edges of his hoodie, making him look at her, waiting until she had his full attention again before she spoke. “Hey. I’m not her. I’m not anything like her. Don’t project that onto me. It’s not fair, and you know it. As soon as I put together what had happened, I was disgusted. If you think I’m that kind of person, that I would do something like that to you, then…” Then what? If he was that wary and mistrustful…what future would they have?

His fingers were surprisingly warm as he reached up to take hers. “Now, I shouldn’t have said that. Dammit. It just…brought a lot back. Seeing them. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe this will give you a chance to work through some things.”

“Right. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Where did you go after that night, that very first night we were together?”

Macy’s breath caught as shame burned through her middle. His dark eyes searched her face.

“You quit talking to me,” he went on. “More than that, you avoided the shit out of me. Do you remember what you said to me, after we were done? You told me not to tell anyone.”

That’s right, she had. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded, though, he had to know that. She shook her head, but he continued. “What, I was good enough to bang a few orgasms out of you, but I wasn’t good enough for your friends to have a clue?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m not one to talk about stuff like that, even with my best friends. Ask Candace and Sam when they get here, if you want. I didn’t know if you were the type to run and brag to Brian you’d got it on with his girl’s best friend. Yes, I was a little embarrassed and a little confused and wondering what the hell was up with myself. But my asking you not to tell anyone wasn’t commentary on you. It was on me. I promise.”

She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She hadn’t thought she would hurt him, or even that she could. Back then, especially, he’d seemed so…invincible. Impervious. Yeah, she’d really thought he might boast to his buddies that he’d managed to nail Candace’s frigid best friend in his backseat, and she would die of mortification, and that would be that. But no. As far as she knew, he hadn’t breathed a word of it, and he wouldn’t have even if she hadn’t asked it of him.

Reaching up, she captured his face between her hands. She could look at that face forever, she realized. So full of character, so beautiful. She’d laughed more with him in the past couple of weeks than she had in the entire year. And she had to leave him. The thought of not touching him, not hearing his laughter in her ear or seeing that devilish glint in his eyes for who knew how long, laid her heart wide open.

“I’m really going to miss you,” she said, hating how banal it sounded. If those damn threatening tears began to win out, she was going to have to let them. They would speak more for her feelings than her voice ever could.

A little bit in love, my ass.

“Macy…” Her transition into his arms was seamless; she didn’t know if she went into them or if he pulled her in first—it was simply a fluid, instinctive motion. As if they both knew she belonged there.

“I don’t know what to say,” he breathed into her hair, squeezing the air from her. “F*ck. Just wait for me.”

That was all he needed to say.

“I will.”