Leave Me Breathless

Chapter Thirteen


If someone had told her at any point before tonight that she would change her panties in a restaurant bathroom just to please a man, she’d have laughed herself stupid. Granted, she didn’t get through the process without a little grin she couldn’t quite wipe off her face. As she slid them up over her thighs and into place, visions of him sliding them off in the cramped confines of his backseat flashed through her mind, heating her flesh down there almost as if it were his fingers touching her. She had to lean against the door of the stall and try to calm her ragged pulse.

After all this fuss over them, if he ended up breaking her heart, she’d have to burn the damn things.

No thoughts of that now, though. They were still just having a good time, right? No hearts had been exchanged, and it would be a long, long time before they would be, if ever.

When she returned to their table and he slid out of the booth to let her in, she noticed with a pang of disappointment that the table across from them was now occupied by a couple with two little girls. That pang bit deeper when Seth took the seat across from her this time. She missed the feel of him at her side.

“I guess the mood passed,” she remarked with a wry smile, picking a strawberry off the cheesecake that had arrived while she was away. He watched in rapt attention as she slowly bit into it.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”

“Hmm, maybe if someone weren’t all talk…”

The sound he made in his throat was almost a growl. “I’m gonna show you talk when we get back to my place.”

Macy finished off her strawberry while her mind turned that over. His place? Interesting. They hadn’t made concrete plans beyond the restaurant; she’d just assumed they’d go back to her apartment again. She was going to get to see where he lived. Given his various interests, it was rather frightening.

“You’re giving me ideas, you know,” he said, picking up his fork and digging into his own dessert.

“Ideas?”

“I could name a few things I’d like to do with you and strawberries. And whipped cream.”

She fidgeted, tempted to tell him to hurry this along already. Something about slipping into the red panties she knew he found so sexy had lit fires down below. He’d known what he was doing making her put them on. And now he was making her wait.

Freaking tease.

The waitress, on her way to the family at the other table, dropped off the leather folder with their check. As he reached for it, she put her hand over his. “Let me.”

“No way. I got this.”

“Let me pay my share at least. I asked you to take me on a date, after all.”

“And I did, right? Because I wanted to, not because you asked me to.” He winked and slid the folder from under her hand. “I’m an old-fashioned guy myself in many ways, you know.”

She wasn’t placated in the least. She hadn’t asked him to bring her to one of the most expensive places in town, hadn’t even imagined he would dream of doing so. It had been a pleasant surprise, because it was her favorite. But not something she needed or expected. Hopefully, he didn’t have that impression of her, when she’d have been perfectly happy catching a movie or going to the sushi place they both loved.

And hopefully…well, she felt wretched for even thinking it. She had no idea about his financial situation, really, and no business speculating. But she hated the idea that he might think he needed to overextend himself just to make her happy.

Not to mention it brought back Raina’s hateful words from the other night, try as she might to keep them from echoing in her head.

After he’d taken care of the check, he helped her into her coat. He held the restaurant door open for her. He opened the car door for her. She didn’t think more than a few seconds had gone by on the journey without his hand on her somewhere…whether it was resting lightly on her back or low on her hip or even at her nape, raising the fine hairs there. Even they craved his touch, it seemed. When he settled in the driver’s seat, she cursed the console and gearshift between them. She wanted to scoot over until she could feel him all along her side, like she had in the restaurant.

Despite her aggravation with its obstacles, she adored his car. That he’d so lovingly restored it to mint shape gave her a little tickle in her belly. It made her think of everything else that could flourish in his careful hands.

“Your place, huh?” she asked once he steered out onto the street.

“Was there somewhere else you wanted to go?”

“Oh no. I just…” She broke off and laughed. “I am extremely curious to see where you live, I admit.”

“Yeah? I hope you won’t be disappointed with how normal it is, then. It’s the house I grew up in. I try not to deface it too much.”

“Ah. Family home.”

“When my parents died, Nana moved down from Oklahoma to take care of us so we wouldn’t be uprooted after what happened. After we all grew up, my brother was the first to take off, so that left me and my older sister. Nana moved back to Oklahoma after she saw Steph and I weren’t going to starve or wander aimlessly into the street. Not every day, anyway.” He threw her a grin. “Steph’s a mother-hen type too.”

She chuckled at his light-heartedness, but it sounded…lonely. Of course, she’d been surrounded by family all her life. Family and more friends than she knew what to do with. And the rodeo, though, all that had changed…

“But doesn’t your sister live in Oklahoma now?”

“She was visiting Nana a few years back, and she met a guy. Moved up there, got married. Has two boys.”

“Aw, Uncle Ghost.” She gave him a playful pinch on the arm.

“I miss those guys, too. I really got to know them while I was staying there. I need to get back up there soon.”

“Did you ever think of moving there yourself?”

“Not really. The whole time I was there, I couldn’t wait to get back.”

She didn’t have to know him well at all to see the sadness that came over him when he mentioned his nana. He tried to hide it. He did it well. But even if it was only a split-second faltering in his expression or the briefest flicker of grief in his eyes, she caught it. She honestly didn’t know how he was putting up such an amazing front. Laughing with her, flirting and talking dirty… Was he only trying to forget what was going on one state to the north?

His right hand was resting on the gearshift. Macy reached over and placed hers on top of it. “It’s really bad, isn’t it?”

He was a long time answering. She watched his throat muscles constrict as he swallowed. “It’s bad.”

“I’m so sorry. We don’t even—”

“No, stop right there. The thing about Nana is she’s more full of life than anyone I’ve ever known. And so genuinely good. To leave the life she’d made, and move down here to take care of us when she was grieving too… I don’t know that I could do it, you know? I can just hear her in my head telling me not to worry about her, to go on living. It isn’t that I don’t worry about her, but… Oh, shit.” He rubbed his eyes hard with his thumb and forefinger.

“What? Please tell me.”

His discomfort was palpable. He rubbed the back of his neck, checked the mirrors unnecessarily. She began to think he wasn’t going to answer, and she would have to accept that. But then he surprised her. “A few months back, she was having a good day, and I told her all about you. I have a picture on my phone I took of me and you when we were goofing around back when we first started hanging out, remember? The one where we’re making stupid faces. She looked at it, and then looked at me and asked me what in the hell I was doing there talking to her when I should be here chasing after you. That’s the kind of person she is. She really means it.” He hit the blinker and sighed. “That’s one of the last lucid conversations we had. All about you.”

Macy gazed at his profile in such silent amazement, she hardly noticed when he pulled into a driveway and braked to a halt. Once he’d shifted into park, he reclaimed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “I can’t say that’s what I came back for, though. My sister encouraged me to go home for a while, and I felt like I needed to check on things around the house, see my friends, get back to my music, just be. But I’ve thought it’s pretty damn funny the way things work out. If you knew Nana, you’d know she almost always gets her way.” He brought her hand up, brushing her knuckles with his lips. “Here I am, chasing after you.”

She opened her mouth, but the words weren’t there. Whether it was terror or elation that held them captive, she didn’t know.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Oh God. Warmth pricked the back of her eyes, and she wanted to run. Wanted to stay. Because his lips were warm and full and wonderful, and she wanted them all over her body. Right now.

She lunged for him, and the voluptuousness of his mouth on hers sent her stomach into a free fall. It wasn’t unlike the dizzying high of riding full gallop, and she hadn’t allowed herself to do that in so very long…

Gasping for air, she pulled back, her heart slamming in her chest.

“What’s the matter?” he breathed, leaning in and trying to recapture her. She let him, unable to resist. Just like the first night, just like every night they’d been together since. Unable to resist. Knowing she should. Helpless whimpers escaped her throat. His tongue slipped into her mouth. He let go of her hand, and she wrapped her arms around his neck while he smoothed his hand up her ribs and found her breast, squeezing gently through her layers of clothing.

Why did her body have to respond like this to him? Why couldn’t it have craved Jared’s touch this much? She never would have left if it had. Under Seth’s hands, she came alive. She unfurled, smoothed out, blossomed. He felt so right, even when everything else was so wrong.

“Let’s go inside,” he murmured against her lips. Macy couldn’t imagine letting him go, but she figured if she didn’t, they would only have another bout of vehicular sex. Nodding, she leaned back when he released her. “Sit tight.”

As he made the quick journey around to open her door, she gazed up at the house in front of her. Very pretty, traditional beige brick with gables. She slid from her seat after he popped open the door, taking a glance around. Nice enough neighborhood with similar houses cramped together along both sides of the street. Quiet. Most of the lights were already out; she had the feeling they’d been out for hours.

“I take it you can’t play your music very loud here.”

He closed the door, grinned and tugged her toward the front porch. “Might explain why I don’t hang out here that often.”

There was a chill in the air tonight, exacerbated by the heat she’d just felt in his car, in his arms. She shivered impatiently in her coat while he unlocked the front door, and then he was pulling her inside and pushing her against the wall, and there was nothing but him, his kiss, the strength of his body overpowering hers. She grabbed his collar and matched his ferocity with her own. When his lips left hers to kiss a hot path to her neck, she turned her head and noticed the still-open door.

“Seth…the door…”

“It’s dark.”

“You can’t—”

“Shut up, Macy.”

Damn herself for ever telling him she needed someone to shut her up. Then again, she thought as he pushed her skirt up her hips, it might have been one of the most beneficial requests she’d ever made. His fingers, still cool from the outside chill, seared the burning flesh between her legs, and her knees buckled. She grabbed on to his shoulders to hold herself up.

“So hot,” he said, brushing his mouth back and forth across hers in that devastatingly erotic way he had. “So f*cking hot, Macy…” Big hands slid under her ass and lifted, planting her back hard against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his hips, arched into him and practically purred. He had to let go of her to unzip his pants, and she clung on haphazardly, praying he would hurry.

Five feet to their left, the front door still stood wide open, and a chilly breeze brushed her left thigh. Out on the street, a car cruised slowly by, and she gasped, though being seen wasn’t even a remote possibility.

Who was she kidding? At the moment, she might not care if someone walked up to the door and watched. His cock, in all its fully erect glory, slid along her damp panties, abrading her * through the lace. Her grip on him tightened in desperation. One tiny shift in position and he’d be able to…

“Condom,” she gasped. Holy crap, they couldn’t forget. He’d already impregnated one girl, for God’s sake.

“F*ck.” Whirling her around, he deposited her on a nearby couch while she tried to get her bearings in the pitch-black room. He was nothing but his darker shadow looming over her, but she could see him swiftly pluck his wallet and pull the little packet out. As soon as he had it over the tip, she reached up with both hands and unrolled it down his swollen length. He released a shuddering breath, barely seeming to hold himself in check long enough for her to accomplish the task. She expected him to fall on her when she finished, but he hauled her up by her wrists and put her back in her former position, against the wall.

She laughed, and he chuckled against her throat. “I really wanted to do it like this,” he said.

“I really wanted you to.”

“Naughty girl.” His fingers, gripping her cheeks, crept inward to pull her panties aside. She groaned and panted as he tested her wetness and then positioned himself with a growl that sounded more animal than human. Without wearing a stitch less clothing than she’d had on two minutes ago, she was about to have sex against a wall. In front of an open door. That was a first.

“Oh!” The blunt intrusion whipped all thought out of her head, had her climbing him in an initial effort to escape the burning stretch as their breath mingled. His grip on her tightened, not letting her get away. She whimpered as he went deeper than her overly greedy body was ready for.

“Jesus,” he muttered and kissed her, slow and melting. All at once, her muscles seemed to respond in kind, relaxing around him, going liquid. He slid inside until she was held tight to his groin. An exhale of relief escaped her. When he began to move, it wasn’t with the urgency she expected given their rushed beginnings. It was with a slow deliberation that would destroy her.

“Seth, oh God…”

It was a good thing he was strong enough to hold her; she had no strength. She constricted around him, tighter and tighter, and she knew he felt it from the sounds he made. Sharp pleasure sparked in the front of her belly and glowed outward until nothing existed but the feel of him inside of her and the taste of him in her mouth. Heat. She turned her head toward the breeze coming in from the open door, hoping to find some relief for her flaming cheeks. Another car eased by out on the street. Seth sucked on the side of her neck, and she smiled at nothing in particular.

The fear, the need to run that had gripped her out in the car…it was still there, somewhat. And it was too late. If she’d wanted to flee from Seth Warren and everything he made her feel, she should have done it from the first moment she’d met him. She shouldn’t have let him anywhere near her. Every time they were together, he chipped away at her resolve. That very first night last year, she hadn’t been able to not run away from it afterward. Now, she didn’t think she could do it if she tried.

He shifted his hold on her then, hoisting her up, moving first one arm and then the other until he was holding her with his forearms under her thighs…and something happened. Was it his piercing? Or his adjusted angle… Her breath caught, mouth falling open as her head fell back. That spark of pleasure, he was stoking it into a full roaring inferno, higher and higher with every thrust. A cry wrenched from her throat, and she prayed the neighbors couldn’t hear, though a second later, she was beyond caring.

“Oh, baby, if you get any tighter on me I’m going to f*cking die,” he said.

“Seth, you’re… What is… God!” Pure molten ecstasy radiated from her sex; the back of her head met the wall with a thud as he pushed deeper into it. Her muscles began to jerk. Her nails dug hard into the leather of his jacket. She had no control now; it was all his, and he liked it that way, didn’t he? She couldn’t resist trying to squirm away from the intensity even as she strained toward it.

“Where you trying to go, huh? Come on me, Macy. Come on me, or I’ll take you outside and make you scream right there on the front lawn for the whole f*ckin’ neighborhood to hear.”

The surge of panic and excitement at his words flung her over, even as she knew if every orgasm before had been mind-blowing, this one would surely seal her fate. There was no help for it. She wrapped him in a death grip, biting the leather on his shoulder to keep from shrieking as pleasure ripped so hard down her middle it was almost painful.

He rasped something her pleasure-saturated brain couldn’t decipher, churning harder against her. His new exuberance brushed her *, catching her at the peak and flinging her higher. She cried out and sobbed and scratched at him, might have even slapped at him, before exhaustion pulled her under and she went boneless between him and the wall.

Slipping free and then scooping her up in his arms, he kicked the door closed and managed to hit a nearby light switch. She only knew because the blackness behind her closed eyelids was suddenly…less black. Her mind hadn’t rebooted yet. By the time she finally managed to pry her eyes open, she was lying on a bed in a dimly lit room.

“Still with me?” he asked, smoothing the hair back from her forehead.

“What the hell was that?”

He laughed, propping his head up on his elbow. “The hottest f*ck I think I’ve ever had.”

Macy’s brows drew together. Would he ever think of what they did as more than that? Was she insane that she wanted him to?

“What’s the matter?”

“Am I…wet?” Something was definitely going on; her thighs were damp. Oh, God, the condom hadn’t broken, had it?

“Is that the first time that’s ever happened to you?”

“What?”

“Baby, that’s all you.” He trailed one fingertip up her leg. “The G-spot is a thing of wonder.”

Seriously? She’d never believed in all that female ejaculation stuff. Candace and Sam had debated it once, she thought, but she’d tuned them out…like much of what Candace had said about sex with genital piercings involved. She still felt wretched about the way she’d treated her friend despite all her apologies. “Are you sure?”

He gave a wry laugh. “Oh yeah. You can bet I’m f*cking sure when I make a woman do that.” In one fluid motion, he stood from the bed. “Let me get you a towel.”

Embarrassment roared high in her face, and when she covered her face with her hands, she realized her legs weren’t the only things wet. Tears covered her cheeks. She sat up, staring at her damp palms in dismay. What the hell did he think of her now? That she was a broken, emotional, sexually repressed nightmare? Cruelly enough, the thought only made more tears drip from her eyes faster than she could frantically wipe them with the sleeves of her sweater.

“Macy, baby, what’s wrong?”

At the sound of his voice, she leaped up, panicked, thanking all that was holy her legs were able to hold her. She couldn’t suffer another indignity tonight. “Nothing. Can…can you take me home?”

“Wait, no. Shit, did I do something?”

This wasn’t how things were supposed to go, not at all. This was supposed to be fun. Where was the fun? Where was all this emotional crap coming from?

“Talk to me, dammit. I can’t fix it if you don’t talk to me.”

“I don’t need you to fix me,” she snapped and immediately wished she could’ve caught those words before they escaped. He froze midstep, a furrow appearing between his brows.

“I didn’t say I was f*cking going to fix you. You’re not broken. But something’s got you all f*cked up, and maybe I can fix that. There’s a difference.”

“Is there? I just…” She exhaled deeply, then took slow, measured breaths, struggling to send the tears back where they belonged even as she scrubbed at them. “I’m sorry. Typically, I’m not a crier.”

He raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Okay.”

Great. He’d already suffered one psycho ex. She hoped he didn’t think he was standing in front of the next one. She chuckled without humor, giving up her battle with her own emotions and looking down to toy with her fingers. “It’s not your fault. It’s not anything you did.”

“I think I’d rather hear that it is. At least then I might be able to do something.” He came closer and handed her the towel he’d brought. Thankfully, he didn’t watch as she swiped at the remnants of her earlier pleasure and the emotional pain that chased it. He ambled away, shoving his hands in his pockets and sightlessly staring at some pictures on the dresser. She had to strip off her panties—she’d have to get the other ones out of her purse.

“Don’t you think it’s pretty obvious how this will end?” she blurted.

He looked at her then. The bitterness in his reply wrenched something inside her. As if the words dredged up old hurts she couldn’t possibly imagine. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

“Then why am I here?”

“I don’t know, Macy. Why are you? I don’t feel like I have to explain what you’re doing here, after what I said to you in the car.”

“You don’t believe these things ever work out. I’m surprised you would even want to try.”

“Maybe at last I see something worth the risk.”

She didn’t want to resist the smile teasing at her lips, but she couldn’t trust it yet. “Really?”

“Well, not so much when you’re a sobbing mess or a mopey drunk, but—” He ducked to avoid the pillow she snatched up and tossed at him. “Just kidding. I even like you then.”

“I can’t imagine why.”

“Jesus. I don’t know how someone as beautiful and accomplished and awesome as you ever took such a hit to your self-esteem. Can you explain that, please?”

“My accident—”

“That’s all it was. An accident. It could’ve happened to anyone. It happened to me, every little kid’s nightmare. It’s hard; I know it is. But you don’t let it defeat you.”

She nodded, still sniffling. “I did let it. It…I feel like it took away my identity. It made me afraid. I even became afraid of my friends when they started changing around me. I felt like my world was snatched from under me once, and I got it back, but…what if I’m not so lucky next time?”

He crossed to her, tipping her chin up so she was forced to look at him…not that she thought she wanted to look anywhere else at that moment, or ever. Some unnamable emotion shuddered through her chest as his warm, gentle hands cupped both her cheeks. “Stop. Being. Afraid.”

Was she so afraid because she’d found the one person with the tools to put her back together again? He’d suffered a loss so profound she felt like an idiot little child complaining about the boo-boo she got when she fell off her horse.

Those eyes. She often thought they could swallow her up. Now she was sure of it. His thumbs gently smoothed the last of her tear tracks away. “And don’t be embarrassed with me.”

She bit her lip, watching him watch her, wondering what he was looking for in her eyes. He should know if she had the answers to all the many mysteries of her soul, she would have damn sure given them to him for present and future reference.

“When we’re together, I want to take you places you’ve never been before,” he said. “That’s what I signed on for, remember? Don’t freak out on me when I do it, unless you’re ready to walk away from this whole thing.”

“I’m not walking away,” she whispered. He lowered his face to hers, and she leaned up to kiss him before he could make it. Echoes of pleasure rippled through her belly at the touch of his lips. He pulled her closer, and she realized how brutally hard he was against her. That couldn’t have happened in the past few minutes. “Wait, Seth…you didn’t?”

He shook his head, brushing noses with her. “No. You kind of collapsed on me. Thought I’d get you in bed and recovered first. Don’t worry about it.”

She grinned, reaching up to stroke his dark eyebrow. “You know, I do think I’m all recovered now.”

“Oh yeah? Well, then, in that case…” She squealed happily as he toppled her back on the bed.