Leave Me Breathless

Chapter Fifteen


The sun hadn’t peeked over the trees yet, but it had to be getting close. Seth had done more than get his laptop to play her some music. He’d brought out his guitar and amp. She now knew he played melodic death metal, and she’d been introduced to an overview of In Flames’ discography and evolution. Despite her reservations, and the fact that a deeper understanding of the music didn’t dispense with the slight headache it gave her, watching him play thrilled her. To see the muscles flex in his arms and chest, to witness the passion and power he put into every note. What was once an adamant no about going to one of his shows turned into a well, maybe, someday. With a lot of Advil on hand.

She wouldn’t tell him that yet, though. Make him suffer. He didn’t seem to mind doing the same to her.

“Here, I think you’ll like this,” he said, sitting on the ottoman opposite her with his guitar in his lap. “Probably more your speed.”

She perked up. “Really? I can’t wait to see what you consider my speed.”

Seth chuckled and cleared his throat. He let the suspense build for a minute, then the unmistakable opening strains of “Sweet Home Alabama” filled the air.

Macy laughed in delight, clapping her hands. But that wasn’t the only surprise he had for her; her jaw fell open as he began to sing the lyrics in a clear, flawless voice. Was there anything this guy couldn’t do well? She didn’t know what to focus on. The mesmerizing movements of his long, graceful fingers on the fret, or his delectable mouth forming the words she’d known by heart ever since she was a little girl. Hell. It didn’t matter where she looked. His bare, inked chest, his tattered jeans or his skillful hands. He was the whole package.

“Awesome,” she breathed as he finished with a flourish.

Grinning sheepishly, he picked out a few more chords. “Thanks.”

“What on earth possessed you to learn to play that?”

“Hey, I have respect for the classics.” His gaze went to a point over her left shoulder, toward the area where the family pictures were gathered. All at once, his eyes unfocused, and his jaw tightened almost imperceptibly. “One of the few memories I have of my dad was of him playing that song.”

“Well, I think he’d be very proud.”

She wanted to kiss the little smile that teased his lips then. “That’s kinda the thing. I probably haven’t done much else he’d be proud of, so I decided to strive to perfect that one thing.”

“I doubt that.” Stifling a yawn with her hand, she checked her watch. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve stayed up all night since… Hmm. I don’t know if I’ve ever stayed up all night.”

Seth pulled his guitar strap over his head and set the instrument aside, and she couldn’t help but think he was grateful for the change of topic. “It’s been a while since I have. You’re a bad influence.”

“I should get home, let you sleep. Are you working tonight?”

“Shit. Yeah. I am.”

“Oh no. You’ll be a zombie.”

“I’ll be all right.” He moved to sit next to her on the couch. Without even thinking, she snuggled up to his warm, bare chest. It seemed equally natural when his arm settled around her shoulders, hugging her close. “You don’t have to go anywhere, you know. Unless you want to.”

Peacefulness suffused her. That scent, his scent, the one she could never quite get out of her head when she wasn’t with him, enveloped her. “Mmm. I’m glad you said that. I could sleep right here.”

“Whatever you want,” he murmured, his lips brushing her forehead.

She was just beginning to doze when his cell phone came alive in the dead silence, the frantic riffs of his ringtone nearly making her jump out of her skin.

“The f*ck,” he grumbled, and she shifted to let him get up. “Everyone oughta know better than to call me at six in the goddamn morning.”

Grinning drowsily at the sight of his denim-clad ass as he walked across the room to retrieve his phone, she snuggled into the corner of the couch and laid her head on the arm. Without him under her, it was a little chilly. Damn, he had a nice back. Nice shoulders. Nice everything. The ink only accentuated the lines and contours. She wanted to lick every—

Macy didn’t know what alerted her to the change in atmosphere, but she sat up almost without conscious thought. Maybe it was his demeanor as he checked the phone display, maybe there was a barely perceptible stiffening of his muscles she sensed even from across the room. Maybe it had simply taken some time for it to sink in that a call at an ungodly hour when everyone should “know better” was never a good thing.

Whatever it was, she knew before he lifted the phone to his ear that it was bad, and the urgency in his voice when he answered confirmed it.

“Steph? What’s wrong?”

His nana. He listened for a moment before darting toward his room. Macy leaped to her feet and followed, heart racing. “F*ck. F*ck. Is she…? I’m coming. Just…no! I’ve got to be there. I’ll be all right… Yeah, well, dammit, I shouldn’t have let you talk me into coming home in the first place. I’m on my way, all right? Keep me updated.”

He was already snatching clothes out of his closet and tossing them on the bed when he threw the phone down on the mattress. It bounced and hit the floor; Macy stooped to pick it up. What the hell should she say? What should she even ask? He had all but forgotten her presence, though she understood that completely.

Finally she blurted the only thing that really mattered to her at that moment. “Are you okay?”

He paused long enough to rub his eyes hard with his thumb and index finger. He didn’t answer. From several feet away, she could see the trembling of his hands.

“What do you need me to do? Let me help,” she tried again, hoping to get some constructive response that way.

“There’s nothing you need to do. I’ll drive you home and head out.”

“Seth, listen to me. I know you’re upset, and I know all you’re thinking about is getting to her, but you’ve been awake all night, and you do not need to be on the road right now.”

He grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and carelessly shoved a handful of T-shirts into it. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You could—”

“Baby, I’ve got enough raw adrenaline pumping through me right now to never need to sleep again. I got this, okay?”

“At least let me call Brian. Maybe he can go with you or something.”

“Hell no, I’m not gonna bother him with this.”

“You know he’d want to help.”

“I know. Which is exactly why I’m not calling him.”

“Then let me go with you. Or even get you a plane ticket. Anything. Please.”

“You driving wouldn’t be any better than me. And I appreciate the offer, but you know I’ll have been able to drive to Oklahoma in the time it would take me to get through all that bullshit at the airport.”

Dammit, she wasn’t making a single dent. He didn’t even look at her, just spouted his retorts as he continued his frantic packing. “Seth, can you honestly tell me your nana would want you to put yourself in danger?”

His shoulders slumped. Then he dropped the shirt and bent over the bed, holding himself up with his fists, breathing deeply. She stepped forward and smoothed her fingers over his shuddering back. “Just a few hours’ sleep and I bet you’ll be good as new.”

“There’s no f*cking way I could sleep right now.”

Any little thing could set him off again. She knew that, but she had to ask. Swallowing her anxiety, she said, “What happened to her?”

“A stroke, they think.” Standing straight, he picked up the shirt and whipped it down into the bag with a violence that made her step back. “Son of a motherf*cker.”

“Don’t blame yourself for not being there. You said yourself she wanted you here.”

“I know that.”

“So let’s think about this and—”

He surged into action again. “No, f*ck it. I’m going.”

“Then I am going with you.”

“Yeah, right.”

The way he brushed her words off as if she didn’t mean them stung her. “We can take shifts and keep each other awake. I know I’ll be in the way once we get there, but we’ll figure something out. I only want you to be safe. Hey.” Catching his arm, she made him look at her. The raw pain in his eyes stole her breath for a second. “I’m serious.”

“Macy…”

“You wanted to be there for me back then. I want to be here for you now.”

Suddenly, he wouldn’t meet her gaze, and a black pit opened and yawned wide in the bottom of her stomach. She might be overstepping the boundaries of this relationship…whatever this relationship was. He might very well not want her intrusion into a private family matter. And while she could understand completely, the pain that ripped through her at the thought was so sharp and real that, for the second time in less than a minute, she could hardly breathe through it.

He couldn’t do this. Not now.

“Macy, this is…”

“Whatever else this is, you’re my friend. I would do this for any of my friends.” It was the truth, even if she was minimizing for her own sense of self-preservation.

“I was only about to say this is crazy. You have stuff going on, you have a job—”

“And I work for my parents, who are extremely understanding and capable people. I can find a way back somehow. Candace and Sam can come get me; they’ll love a road trip, and we need girl time. I won’t be in your way.”

When he reached up and stroked her cheek, a little of that emptiness closed up. He wanted her. Even if she couldn’t stay with him, it was all she needed to know…that he wished she could. “You wouldn’t be in my way. I’d keep you with me if you could stay. I’m sure I won’t be back this time until…it’s over.”

“I know. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

“You’re incredible, you know that? I wish she could have met you.”

Macy reached up and took his hand from her cheek to hold it against her chest. With her other, she stroked the back of his neck, feeling the tension straining his muscles. “Hey. She still might. Don’t think like that.”

“It sounds…pretty grim.”

“Then let’s get you to her. Okay?”

He enveloped her in his arms, squeezing the air from her lungs and holding so tight she almost couldn’t fill them again. She returned the embrace just as fiercely.

When he hurts, I hurt.

The tears that welled up then, they weren’t such a bad thing, and she let them flow. They weren’t for herself. They were all for him.



“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Candace asked.

Macy glanced out the window of the convenience store and balanced the cell phone precariously between her ear and shoulder as she grabbed drinks out of the cooler. Outside, Seth was filling up his car with gas. The sight of him in his hoodie and ratty jeans with the early morning sunlight glinting off his aviator sunglasses made her heart flip over. A brunette walking by him in sprayed-on, low-slung jeans and a teeny T-shirt nearly tripped over her own feet checking him out. He tipped his chin up at her. Macy rolled her eyes.

“I don’t really—”

“Ma-cy.”

“I might be…a little bit in love with him?”

That made her friend laugh. “A little bit? That’s like being a little bit pregnant or something. It doesn’t happen.”

“I have a serious question to ask you.”

“Okay?”

“What do you honestly think the future holds for either of us? You or me. I mean, thirty years from now, are we still really going to be with these guys, coming home old and gray from the tattoo parlor? Listening to heavy metal all the time while we try to keep them from cussing around the grandkids?”

“I’ll be with mine, whatever he’s doing. Without a doubt.”

“I just feel like their very profession allows them to revel in their Peter Pan syndrome or something.”

“Brian is serious-minded, though. He’s thinking ahead. He knows he won’t do this forever, most likely, and he’s looking at opening a few more parlors around the area. Plus, let’s face it…he’ll inherit someday, and so will I. So will you.” She laughed. “Well, I’ll inherit unless my parents finally disown me.”

“Oh, that’ll never happen.”

“I’ve decided you must be right. They would’ve done it already. And hey, it’s not like Ghost is a slacker. He’s not going to spend all his time laid up on your couch.”

“I know.”

“So stop worrying so much. God. It’s so funny. Here I tell you not to worry, and your advice to me was always to worry my ass off.”

“All right, already.” Macy put their snacks on the front counter and dug her wallet out of her purse. “You’ll have many hours to put me under fire on the drive back. We’re all set for you guys coming to get me, right?”

“Yep. Just text the address when you get it, and we’ll be on our way. Tell Ghost that Brian will call him in a few minutes when he gets out of the shower. We’re sending good thoughts for his grandmother.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that. You guys are the best.”

“Thanks so much for going with him. Brian was so relieved to hear he wasn’t driving up there upset and alone. He really needs you right now.”

She opened her mouth to contradict that, certain that despite all her protesting to the contrary, he’d have been fine whether she was with him or not. But she let those words die in her throat, saying her good-byes to Candace and thanking the cashier instead.

Before they’d left his house earlier, he’d certainly held her like he needed her. She couldn’t think of that moment without her stomach clenching in equal parts fear and jubilation. If the last twelve hours with him had been such sexual and emotional insanity, what would life with him be like?

He breezed in the door just as she turned toward it. With his sunglasses pushed to the top of his head now, she could see the weariness setting in. The shadows under his eyes, the downturn of his mouth. She was ready to fall flat on her face too. But she injected as much brightness into her voice as she could. “I talked to Candace. She and Sam are coming. She said Brian will call you in a few minutes.”

“Cool.”

“I got us the biggest coffee they offer. Let me drive now, okay?”

He handed her the keys without comment and moved on to the restrooms in the back. Not even a protest. Yeah, he was exhausted.

Five minutes later, they were on the road again. She’d learned how to drive on a stick shift—her dad had insisted—but it took some time for her to re-acclimate. He was a good sport and laughed when she almost rolled back on a hill and then lurched forward.

“Hey, you’re here for my safety, remember.”

“I’ve got this! It’s just been a few years.” Like, almost ten. But he didn’t need to know that. “I’ll try not to stall your baby.”

He patted the dashboard. “It would take a lot to stall my Goat.” She glanced over as he leaned his head back and yawned, wishing he would try to grab a couple hours’ sleep at least. He probably wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to leave his transmission lying on the road first.

Another mile or so later, she became intensely aware of the weight of his stare on her. His eyes were completely hidden behind his shades now; for all she knew, with the way his head was leaned back, they could’ve been closed. They weren’t. She could feel it. “What?” she asked, fidgeting in her seat.

“I think you’re the first person I’ve ever let drive this car besides me. And you look incredibly sexy doing it.”

“Pfft. I’m a mess.” He’d dropped her by her apartment long enough for her to change, scrub her face clean, brush her teeth and slick her hair back in a ponytail. She needed a good night’s sleep herself, but mostly she needed a shower. And to think she might actually meet his sister in this condition.

“You’re gorgeous.”

So was he. If it had never jumped out and violently beaten her over the head before, it did then. The dark shadow on his jaw was intensified this morning. Despite their circumstances, she longed to feel it rasp against her skin again. He had the best damn mouth she had ever seen in her life, and he knew how to use it.

“Now I know you’re sleep deprived,” she said, heat tingling up her cheeks, which were remembering all too well what that scruff had felt like as his body moved against hers. Into hers. She had to resist the urge to put a hand to her face. Her pulse grew ragged. “You’re hallucinating.”

“No. I’m seeing more clearly than ever, I think.” As he reached over and brushed a stray tendril behind her ear, she shivered at the touch of his fingers there.

What did he mean? She tried to swallow the lump gathering in her throat, but it only remained there, choking her. Something was growing between them. Something big. She felt powerless against it, and God knew she didn’t like powerless.

You don’t like it, but you’ve sure let it own you for the past several years, haven’t you? Not as tough as you thought you were.

She sipped her coffee, hoping he didn’t notice how her hand shook.

“I know this whole thing, it’s been a lot to dump on you when we’re…friends. Fairly new friends, at that. I’ve never had a chance to do anything like this for you. But I want you to know, Macy, no matter what happens, I’ll never forget this. I’ve got your back for anything you ever need me for. Ever. No questions asked.”

Friends. That word hadn’t tasted very good in his mouth, she could tell. She wasn’t comfortable with it either, even if she was the one who’d thrown it at him earlier. To hell with self-preservation. Her regret at that moment was so immense, it eclipsed everything else but the need to tell him the truth: she wanted so much more than to be his friend.

“Seth, I didn’t mean—”

His cell phone took that moment to come to life, blaring what even she knew was AC/DC’s “Big Balls”. Why he’d chosen that as Brian’s ringtone, she didn’t know and didn’t dare ask.

The mood shattered as Seth answered the call. Macy inwardly cursed Brian’s timing and refocused on the long road ahead, tightening her grip on the steering wheel, heart thudding dully. Despite her exhaustion, suddenly she’d never felt more awake.

She needed to get a grip, so maybe Brian’s timing wasn’t so bad after all. Seth was in the middle of a family crisis. Now wasn’t the time to add her conflicted emotions to his turmoil, no matter how they begged for her to express them. She would be there to comfort him until her friends came, and then she would leave and let him deal with his grief. When he came back, maybe they could pick up where they left off.

Her body still tingled with aftereffects of last night’s sex marathon, and being in this car, with its backseat, was no help. At all. No wonder she was frazzled. She’d probably never be able to ride in this vehicle without thinking of that first encounter many months ago.

The very fact she’d met up with him that night was telling—the first crack in her cautious outer shell. She still didn’t know what had come over her, but when she ran into him at the sushi bar and he asked if she wanted to hang out later, her “yes” had been immediate.

Loneliness? Boredom? Maybe both, maybe a lot more. Candace had just begun messing around with Brian, Sam had Michael, and Macy had…no one.

Nothing had happened, at least not that night. They’d only talked. She hadn’t lied to her friend when Candace grilled her about it a few days later, but she’d tried damn hard to hide the disappointment she’d felt—disappointment she tried to talk herself out of. As bad an idea as the whole thing was, she hadn’t been able to help herself. Surely this edgy, razor-witted, dangerous-looking guy had more in mind for her than hanging out.

As it turned out, it hadn’t taken long for him to show her.

She glanced over at him now, found that he’d finally settled down after hanging up with Brian and appeared to be dozing with his hood drawn over his head. Good. She let the memories of their second meet-up engulf her.

The way he hadn’t kissed her mouth. She’d gone in for the move first—imagine that—and he’d grasped her chin and grazed the side of her neck with his lips…oh, those lips…before scoring lightly with his teeth. She would never, could never forget that. It had been so disconcerting and wildly erotic for him to deny her the taste of him when she was starving for it. He’d had her without another modicum of effort.

After that one intensely vivid moment, the rest was a blur of pleasure. Of desire trumping dignity. Probably good that she couldn’t recall the exact things he’d gotten her to say or the positions he’d had her in so he could get to her in the cramped confines. The degree of difficulty had only made it that much hotter.

He gave her the best sex of her life. But that wasn’t something they could build a relationship on. It should be a perk, not the foundation.

Things like this, though. Being there for each other through crises. Caring. She had no doubt she could call him for anything and he’d be there, even before today. That’s what it was all about, right? And they had that going for them too.

She didn’t want to end up like Raina. That thought terrified her more than anything. He could be making the girl sound worse than she was, but Macy had witnessed the crazy firsthand, and she seemed ruined over him. When he was done giving Macy all the addictive sex she could handle, would he then cut her loose too? Would he stick by her if they faced something major and life-changing?

“Having her back” for a favor every now and then was a damn sight different than having it forever.

She wanted forever with someone. She was ready for forever. Please, God, don’t let me be wasting my time.