“It’s peaceful to be a little backward. Everyone concentrates on what’s only in front of them, and we don’t worry about keeping up to date with everyone else.” Little did Max understand I wanted to cut off every possible way of communicating with Jake. “And yes, I think I will stay in Japan another year. I like it there.” This wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a complete lie either.
“Em, I need to tell you something,” Max turned serious as we continued to dance. “I saw Jake yesterday at the hospital for the first time since Grand Canyon.”
My body stopped dancing. My heart stopped beating.
Max led us back to his seat.
I didn’t say anything, though I had a million questions I wanted answered. Waiting for Max to continue his thought tested every shred of nonchalance I feigned on the topic of Jake.
“I apologized to him for coming between you two, and he asked me a lot of questions about you. Since you gave me no way of responding to your letters, I told him I knew no more than he did. He looked distraught.”
I wondered to myself why he would be distraught. Why would he ask any questions about me? I couldn’t give way to hope.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I told him you would be here today. He really wanted to come see you. He said that he had to talk to you. He’s going to stop by after work.” This part of our conversation made me feel distraught.
My heart convulsed and my eyes flushed at the thought of seeing Jake. Hope wanted to resurface, but I had shut the door and thrown away the keys so long ago, it didn’t know its way out anymore.
“Are you upset I told Jake you’re here?” Max looked hesitant.
“No. It’s all right.” I put on a brave guise. “He won’t care that I’m here. If he cared, he would’ve done something about it before I left.”
“Em, I think he does care. I think there was a big misunderstanding between you two. He still…”
“Max. Please don’t. It took me five very long months to accept that we are through. He doesn’t care for me anymore.” I didn’t dare say the word love. “I erased those thoughts a long time ago. Don’t say any more. Let’s be happy. We’re at a wedding.” I forced a smile and walked over to help Sarah cut the cake.
Stupidly, but automatically, my eyes looked for Jake. They searched through every guest and scanned each door over and over again, hoping what Max just revealed would come true. The pessimist in me knew Jake wouldn’t come looking for me. Not now, not after so many months had passed by. But the optimist in me prayed he would come see me—just once more.
Sarah changed into her going-away outfit, and the last of the dancers lined up to throw rice at the happy bride and groom leaving for their honeymoon.
Before Sarah left, she whispered, “I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to see Jake today. I was hoping Max was right about him.”
I forced another smile and wished her a wonderful trip. The happy couple cheerfully left for Hawaii, but my own exit would not be so cheerful now.
“You’re leaving already?” Max asked as I walked over to say good-bye. “But Jake’s not here yet.”
“My flight leaves at nine. I have to go,” I answered sadly. Max had no idea the damage he had done by reviving my hope. “Now that you have all my contact info, don’t be a stranger. I hope you can visit me one day,” I said while hugging him.
“Emily…” Max held onto my hand, “just stay another hour. Have another drink with me, or better yet, eat another meal. Don’t they feed you in Japan? Why are you so waif thin?”
“I’m late!” Answering as sternly as possible, I pulled my hand away and waved good-bye.
With longing renewed, I walked through the hotel with my peripheral vision scanning every man fitting Jake’s build. Till the very end, I didn’t give up hope that Jake would want to come see me tonight. What a fool I was. Even walking on to the airplane, I continued to listen for his tender voice to call my name, like he did back in November when I was leaving for New York. Ugh! Four months of heart mending in Japan obliterated in a matter of a few hours of hope.
Chapter 16 He Loves Me?
I got back Sunday night, and struggled to get my heart back into school the next day. With school letting out in two weeks, we all enjoyed a lighter schedule. Tutoring waned, and I felt free to make plans for the summer. Our principal asked me to teach a summer English course as well as to create the English curriculum for the next school year. With a three-week vacation before summer courses began, I thought about all the places I wanted to visit in Asia during that time. Perhaps Jane could vacation with me? A phone call was in order.