If I Tell

CHAPTER twenty



My knees pressed against each other, and swoops of anxiety roller-coastered around my insides, making me even more unsteady on my shaky feet. Water dripped down my face.

“Are you okay?” Ashley asked from behind me. I turned to look at her.

Her wet hair was slicked back, the colored tips dripping with water. She looked so much stronger and more powerful in her bathing suit. Her arms were rounded with muscles, her shoulders broad. She was so comfortable and nonchalant in her swimsuit that I felt a little better about prancing around half naked myself. Water from the locker-room showers flowed around her feet.

“Fine,” I said. “I’m fine.”

She held out her hand. “Come on. You’re done showering.”

“It’s so freezing,” I complained and wrapped my arms around my waist.

“You’ll get used to it once you’re in the water, trust me.”

“Trust you,” I grumbled and reached for the faucet and turned the shower off.

I followed her out of the women’s locker room and stepped onto the pool deck. The blue water in the pool mocked me as the scent of chlorine filled my nose. The smell brought back memories. I straightened my back and pulled the back of my bathing suit down, making sure it covered my butt.

Ashley said hi to the lifeguard and walked over to the shallow end of the pool. I didn’t follow her. I glanced over at the small viewing area. Jackson stood up and waved. He held Joe up, but Joe was curled up, fast asleep.

So much for my little brother witnessing my first step back in the pool.

“Come on,” Ashley called. “We’ve only got a half hour until my practice.”

I took a tiny step forward toward the pool.