If I Tell

CHAPTER fifteen



Good morning,” Grandma said when I finally crawled out of bed. It was past noon.

Grandma sat perched on her stool at the kitchen island with the Tadita Standard unfolded in front of her. “I made some muffins. Help yourself.” She pointed to a plate stacked with homemade baking on the kitchen table. I sniffed the air. Apple cinnamon.

“Simon called earlier. The baby’s doing better than they expected. He shouldn’t be in the hospital too long. Maybe two weeks.”

I waited to see if she’d say more, but obviously Simon hadn’t mentioned our fight at McDonald’s. And most likely wouldn’t.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” I asked.

“It’s good,” Grandma answered.

We smiled at each other as I headed for the fridge and pulled the door open to root inside for milk.

“Too bad the same can’t be said for your mom.” Grandma sighed.

I grabbed the carton of milk and glanced back at Grandma. “What’d you mean?”

“The baby needs her, but she’s acting all dramatic and helpless.”

I didn’t comment. I’d learned to stay out of the struggles between Mom and Grandma. Grandma could be pretty hard on Mom sometimes. Grandma was happy about the baby, but that didn’t stop her from being critical. In my opinion, my mom deserved a bit of a break. She’d just given birth.

I poured myself a glass of milk.

“You going to work today?” Grandma asked.

“Yup. At three,” I told her.

“Oh. They’re sending your mom home today. Simon said she hasn’t slept a wink in the hospital.” She made a tsking sound.

I ignored her, focusing on my milk, and went to the kitchen table and sat, reaching for a muffin.

“Your mom hasn’t even visited the baby in the NICU.”

I lowered my head and bit off a chunk of muffin.

“He should be bonding with his mother. Poor baby.” Grandma shook her head and tsked again. She flipped a page of her paper. “At least she’s pumping milk for him. She said she’s going to breast-feed.”

I chewed and shrugged. I had no desire to get involved in a debate about Mom’s parenting skills. Grandma waited for encouragement to go on, but I said nothing.

“Would you like to go and visit before your shift at work?”

I didn’t want to face the evil nurse or deal with Simon. “No. I have calculus homework I need to finish and I have to work tomorrow too.”

Grandma nodded. “I need Grandpa’s car to go to the hospital,” she reminded me.

“Maybe you could drop me off. I could study at Grinds before my shift.”

I’d done more than my fair share of homework at Grinds.

Grandma glanced at the clock. “Can you be ready to go in an hour?”

“Yup. I’ll shower and change after I eat.”

She pulled out a new section of the paper and laid it flat in front of herself.

“Oh. I almost forgot. Some handsome boy dropped off your guitar this morning. Said he was a friend of yours from work.”

My face heated up. “Oh.”

“Why’d he have your guitar?”

I dropped my eyes. “I left it with him last night. He drove me to the hospital.”

“You were with a boy after karaoke last night?”

I didn’t answer since it seemed rather obvious. Her eyes didn’t leave me.

“Oh. Well, he seemed polite. He said to tell you hello.”

She had no idea how polite. So polite he’d managed not to laugh in my face when I’d practically thrown myself at him. I felt like puking and put the muffin down.

I was glad when Grandma turned her attention back to her paper.

I left the kitchen and found my cell and called Ashley. She didn’t pick up, and I didn’t leave a message. I’d handle it on my own. Like I always did.

***

Not in the mood for caffeine, I ordered a juice from Amber and settled into a quiet corner table to get to work on my homework. My heart skipped a beat thinking about seeing Jackson in a few hours when he’d be working with me. Talk about getting signals wrong. I’d have to act like nothing had happened.

Halfway through a calculus equation, I was startled by a voice in the coffee line.

I glanced up. Jackson was in line, leaning against the counter and casually chatting with Amber at the cash register. My heart flopped, and I chomped harder on my pencil. He laughed and flicked back his hair with an unconscious toss of his head. In line behind Jackson, an annoyingly gorgeous girl with long blond hair was eyeing his butt. I couldn’t blame her. It was a butt worth staring at.

Jackson flashed a sexy half grin at Gorgeous Girl, and the orange juice in my stomach curdled. I watched as he placed a hand on her back and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. She smiled adoringly up at him, and then he turned to Amber and ordered coffee. Two coffees.

Amber glanced over and caught my eye and quickly looked away. I stared down at my math book, mortified. I wished I could fade into the background. Why had coming early to do homework seemed like a good idea?

I pretended to be absorbed in my work, praying somehow that Jackson wouldn’t notice me tucked into the corner. I barely moved or breathed, hoping he’d take his coffee and the girl to go.

“Jaz?”

Wincing, I sucked in a breath, forced a smile, and looked up. Jackson and the girl approached my table. Jackson’s cheeks looked unusually red and his face uncomfortable as if his underwear was scratchy. I hoped his underwear crawled with ants. Red ants that bit.

They got closer. The pretty blond gaped at me with wide, curious eyes. Her eyelashes were long and coated in mascara.

“Who’s your friend?” she asked. She didn’t seem jealous to meet me though. As if it would be absurd that someone like me would be a threat. Someone like me would never practically stick my tongue down Jackson’s throat.

Jackson didn’t seem to hear her. His mouth stiffened.

“Hey. I thought you didn’t work until later,” he said to me.

“I don’t.” I glanced down at my work. “Homework.” I sneaked another look at the gorgeous creature at his side.

“Oh.” He brushed his bangs back. “How’s your mom? She had her baby okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah. She’s okay.”

“Your mom had a baby?” the girl asked me. “That is totally weird.”

“My mom is only thirty-three,” I told her.

“Wow. My mom’s like fifty. I can’t imagine her having a baby.” She scrunched up her pretty face.

I nodded and glanced down, pretending to mull over my math homework.

“You got your guitar okay?” Jackson asked.

“Guitar?” the annoying chick chirped.

I looked up.

“Uh. This is Carrie,” he said to me. Based on the look on his face, his underwear had gotten even scratchier. “This is Jaz,” he said to Carrie.

“I’m his girlfriend from Whistler,” the blond told me, holding out her free hand to inspect her nails as if explaining she’d just come in first in a beauty pageant.

I swallowed. His girlfriend?

“Oh. Well, I only know Jackson from work,” I babbled. “Barely.” Not well enough to know he had a girlfriend. “Um. Nice to meet you, Carrie.” I pushed myself up, needing to escape, no matter how rude that was. “I have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.”

I hurried past them, almost bumping Carrie’s coffee right out of her perfect hand as I squeezed past. Her perfect Caucasian hand.

“Jaz, hey, wait,” Jackson called as I took off for the washroom.

“Jackson, what are you doing?” Carrie demanded in a huffy voice. “What’s wrong with you?”

I picked up my pace until I reached the safety of the women’s washroom. I burst through the door and dove into a stall, locking it behind myself and panting with humiliation.

I dropped my butt on the toilet seat and put my head in my hands. A few minutes later, feet stepped inside the bathroom and stopped outside the stall.

“Jaz?”

Amber.

I groaned.

“He’s gone,” she said softly. “They left.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said out loud. “Thanks.”

“You should talk to him. Don’t jump to conclusions,” Amber said.

I snorted under my breath. “It’s no big deal. We’re just friends,” I called.

Amber didn’t answer but she left. A few minutes later, I skulked out of the stall. I returned to my table, packed up my homework, and hurried out the front door and walked home. I phoned on the way home and told Amber I wouldn’t be able to work that night. She didn’t even give me trouble.

At home I took the phone off the hook, shut off my cell, and went straight to bed.

***

Sunday afternoon, I reported for work grouchy and tired. Of course, Lacey and I were working together, and she decided to make it worse.

“Hey, Jaz. Did you hear Jackson brought his girlfriend to work yesterday?” She watched as I punched in for work, one hand on her hip and the other flicking back her blond hair. “I totally didn’t know he had a girlfriend in Whistler, did you?”

I placed my time card in its slot.

“My mom had her baby,” I said, staring at Lacey and willing her to shut up.

“Oh. Yeah. I heard that.” Lacey fussed with the strings on the back of her apron. She smiled. “That’s great. How’s the baby doing?”

“He was early, so he’s pretty little. They’re watching his liver development. But Simon said he’ll be okay.”

“How about your mom?”

“Tired.” I narrowed my eyes. “Simon’s totally psyched about being a dad. Grandma said he’s handing out chocolate cigars to everyone.”

Lacey glanced toward the restaurant area. “That’s great. I mean, I guess you’re a big sister now, huh?”

I pictured the tiny little baby, and an intense surge of love stole the breath right out of me. “He looks like Simon.”

“Mmm? Well, great.”

Lacey twirled her hair as I pulled my apron off the hook and tied it around my back.

“So?” she asked. “Did you know Jackson had a girlfriend?”

She’d gotten back to what she really wanted to talk about. She knew me well enough to know I was crushing hard on Jackson. What she didn’t know was that I had unwillingly joined her club. The making-out-with-taken-guys club. And it felt horrible.

I ignored her and stomped toward the coffee pit. She followed, yapping close on my heels. “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I heard she’s really pretty. A cheerleader type.”

I spun around. “Shut up, Lacey. For once, just shut the hell up.”

We stared at each other, shocked by the vehemence in my voice. I breathed as if all the air had been squeezed from my lungs. “I don’t give a shit about Jackson or his stupid girlfriend,” I lied. “You’re concerned about the wrong thing. Again. Jackson didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend, okay? Does that make you happy? Because Jackson’s an a*shole? Well. So are you. You’re both a*sholes and you’re both shitty friends.” I stared at Lacey, hating her as if she somehow had something to do with this too.

“I’m an a*shole?”

We both spun around.

Jackson cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes, peering at me from the other side of the counter. “And a shitty friend?”

“You are,” I shouted and clenched my fists. Now that I’d taken off the lid, everything wanted to boil out. “I’m sick of you people acting like a bunch of children.”

I pointed at Lacey. “You with my mom’s boyfriend.” I pointed at Jackson. “And you not bothering to tell me you had a girlfriend.” I reached back, untied my apron, pulled it off, and threw it on the floor. “And who the hell cares? I’m leaving.”

It felt as if I was watching myself perform in some weird play. Jaz Evans didn’t act like this. “Tell Amber I’m sorry I took off on my shift,” I called.

I rushed out of the coffee shop and broke into a run.