"Mama, I'm not a slave. And I can't do it. If I keep it, what kind of life will I give it? What will I tell people who want to know who the father is?"
"You just hold your head up high and say you are the mother and the father."
"And when the child asks me who the father is? What then? A child can't live with that burden. A child can't live knowing that their father is the devil."
Mama reached up and put her hand on Nic's shoulder. "You just keep it simple. You just say that their father made a mistake and hurt you. But that you love them, no matter what."
Nic twisted until her mama's hand fell away. "I can't. It's not this child's fault, but it needs to be where it will be wanted and loved."
"And that's why you should keep the baby," Berenice had said. "You're the mother."
Now Leif said, "But you did keep her."
Nic sighed. "When my daughter was born, I was afraid if I held her it would make things worse, since I was giving her up. But then my mother held her, and the baby cried. The nurse held her, and she just squalled. Then finally the nurse brought the baby to me. She had just come on her shift, and I don't think anyone had told her I was giving the baby up. I reached out"--she demonstrated, holding up her empty arms--"and touched Makayla lightly on the forehead. She stopped crying right away and looked--I don't know--interested. She seemed to know me and be secure with me. And suddenly I was filled with love for this beautiful, innocent little creature. And maybe it wasn't fair to the parents who were going to adopt her, and maybe it wasn't fair to my daughter, but I decided to keep her. And she is the light of my life. She's one of two good things that came out of that horrible day."
"So what happened to those two guys?" Leif asked, looking grim.
"Kirk and Miller? Kirk got twenty:five years. Miller got thirteen." She had wanted to kick their teeth down their throats for ruining the lives of so many women. Instead, the resolution had hardened in her that no one would ever take advantage of her again.
"Did you testify?" The pain in Leif's eyes somehow made it easier for her to go on.
"In the end, they decided my case wasn't strong enough without video evidence. They had those other women on tape, and they testified. Before that, they had done a DNA test while I was still pregnant and determined paternity. It showed it was Miller's baby. But of course, he's not really Makayla's father. Not in the real sense of the word."
"Does she know?"
Nic shrugged and made a sound that was something like a laugh. "Actually, she's never asked me. I keep rehearsing what I'm going to say when she does. Sometimes I wonder if she knows I don't want her to."
Leif's expression softened. "What's your daughter like?"
"She's smart. Straight A's. Spunky. A little sassy. She's tall. Last summer, I had a couple of people from modeling agencies ask me to give them a call:'
"Did you do it?"
"No way. I don't want her to end up with a job where sooner or later people tell you that you're not thin enough, not pretty enough." Her stomach clenched. "She got the height from Miller. He's tall, like you.
Leif winced. "Does he know that she's his child?"
"He might. Even though my case was considered non-prosecutable, my name and the information about the pregnancy were in the pretrial discovery that Miller's attorney got. But he's never tried to contact me.
Leif's eye's narrowed. "You said he got thirteen years. How old is your daughter?"
"Ten. The thing is, Miller got paroled two weeks ago and put on electronic monitoring. They didn't even notify me until yesterday." "Wait--he's here?"
"In Medford. It's where his mom lives." Medford was five hours to the south.
"Do you think he'll try to come up here?" Leif's hands tightened into fists.
"I don't think so. He's wearing a GPS monitor. Even if he wants to get revenge, I'm not one of the women who put him in prison."
"You said two good things came out of what happened!' Leif touched the back of her hand with the tip of his finger, and Nic felt it all the way down to her bones. And she didn't shatter. Instead, it felt like something inside her began to knit together. "What was the other?"
"During the course of the investigation, I was interviewed by a special agent, because Roy had raped girls in three states. That agent made a big impression on me. And when Makayla was two, I applied to join the Bureau. But I never talk about her father. To anyone. People have no right to know. And if someone asks, I just give them this look I have, and they don't ask again."
"You know what we call that look?" Leif's voice broke with relieved laughter. "The death stare."
Chapter 35
Channel 4 TV
Monday, February 13
Quentin Glover's called a press conference at 12:15 to, quote, provide an update on the situation, end quote," Eric said at Channel 4's morning staff meeting.
"He's going to resign," Brad said with certainty. "That search warrant must have turned up something."