"You withheld evidence, Cassidy! The fact that he offered you Victoria's job would have pointed toward Victoria being the killer."
Cassidy scuffed her toe on the sidewalk, looking like a five-year-old caught in a lie. "But I was worried about my job. I didn't realize that telling you about Jim and me would have pointed the finger at Victoria. But it worked out okay. You solved it."
Allison sighed. "Look, Cassidy, we can't keep secrets from one another. Not about important things."
She hung her head, her blonde hair falling on either side of her face like two wings. "I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't think it through."
Despite the apology, there was still a jangly feeling among them as they went inside. Nicole unwrapped her present--a bracelet made of polished tiger's-eye stones--and unfroze a little bit as she thanked Cassidy. When the waitress came, Allison ordered the ziti vegetariano, Nicole the linguini with chicken piccata, and Cassidy the ziti con molta carne.
After the waitress left, Cassidy asked, "Were you surprised when it turned out to be Glover?"
Allison said, "Surprised is maybe not the right word. And in some ways Glover's death makes things easier. Despite everything he's done, Glover still has some fans in this state. It would have been hard to find an impartial jury. And hard to convict him based on circumstantial evidence. But the fact remains that he hated Jim for good reasons, and his mother was on the same type of drug that killed Fate, and he had access to smoke grenades. The lab tests still aren't finished on Fate's blood, but I guess now it will be moot. The task force has already been disbanded. Now it's just Nicole and me tying up the loose ends."
"What was in the other two envelopes?" Cassidy asked. "The ones Glover handed to his aide?"
"One was his organ donor card. The other was a suicide note." Allison had read it so often that she had it memorized.
The media and the FBI have accused me of so many things. In their bureaucratic world, there are no shades of gray, only black and white. In their false view, gifts from old friends became bribes. Cancers that needed to be cut out before they spread became fine, upstanding citizens, mourned by thousands. Personal matters were dragged out into the public square.
I think about my life and feel I've done most of the right things. I told the truth as I saw it. I paid what I was asked to pay. So why do I end up like this, with a target on my back? I can't go on. No matter what the outcome, people will look and point. I can't take that. I've only done what had to be done.
I'm sorry for what I've put my family through. You will be better off without me. I never meant to hurt you. My burden is so great that I can't go on with it any further.
Please, please, please, I ask the rest of you, please leave my children in peace.
"Do you think he was crazy?" Cassidy asked.
Nicole's mouth twisted. "Maybe crazy like a fox. Since Glover died in office before he was convicted of anything, his wife gets full survivor benefits from his pension. It turns out they don't have a suicide clause."
Their food came. Allison was tired of thinking about Jim Fate, thinking about whether things really added up. She said, "I haven't had a chance to tell you yet, Cassidy, but I watched your piece on domestic violence. Good for you for coming forward. I mean, I volunteer at Safe Harbor, but that only helps one woman at a time. You offered hope to hundreds, maybe thousands of women:'
Cassidy looked away. "I don't know if it was worth it. If I really got through. I should have thought about it more."
After a pause, Nicole said in a low voice, "Look, Cassidy, there was something I've been keeping to myself that I recently told one person.
Just one. But it made me feel like it wasn't such a burden. Such a secret. Sometimes when you keep things to yourself, they feel heavier than they really are."
A spark finally ht up Cassidy's turquoise eyes. "So what was the secret?"
Allison was also intrigued. She guessed it had something to do with Leif.
"I promise I'll tell you guys sometime." Nicole looked past them. "Just not today."
Cassidy slumped back in her chair. "I keep thinking it would have been better if I had kept my mouth shut. People are accusing me of lying, imagining it. According to them, I'm crazy, jealous, vindictive, and a whore. And that's just the stuff I can say in public. I had to disable Google Alerts on my name, because all it was giving me were links to bloggers who call me fat or old or insane."