Everything Leads to You

My cousin Danielle Diego generously facilitated a private tour of the Fox lot for me. Walking through the sets of televisions shows, and then past a facade of buildings that had been used in many different movies, I fully realized the extent to which filmmaking is a series of elaborate illusions. And then, stopping to admire the photographs of past stars that line the walls of Danielle’s building, I was struck by the historical glamour of it all. These impressions turned into major themes in the novel, and I have Danielle to thank for them, as well as for a year’s worth of answers to my follow-up questions.

Between drafts of this novel, Kristyn Stroble, Amanda Krampf, and I decided to turn Hold Still into a movie. We raised a micro-budget on Kickstarter. Many of our contributors were friends and family, and many were colleagues and readers. The experience of raising the funds and making the film left me humbled and grateful. I give immense thanks to our contributors, as well as to our actors and crew members, most of whom volunteered and all of whom approached the project with a level of dedication and artistry that left me touched and inspired. I am so proud of the work we did together, and thankful for the ways in which it influenced this story.

While Mia Nolting was at an artists’ residency in South Africa, she offered me her beautiful apartment in Portland, Oregon, as the site of a private writing residency. I was desperately trying to produce a complete first draft, but I learned that long stretches of gray, rainy days combined with an abundance of solitude don’t suit me. In between maddening writing sessions, I made myself tea in her small enamel pot, listened to her Patsy Cline record, and traded e-mails with her about the South African filmmaker she was quickly falling for and would end up marrying soon after. (Hi, Paddy!). Though I left with far fewer words written than I had hoped, the days away certainly enriched this novel.

Sharing drafts is always terrifying and exciting. Jessica Jacobs, with whom I’ve shared work for a decade, and Gayle Forman, who read a draft during our group book tour, provided me with early and invaluable feedback, as did my wife and my mother. Mandy Harris, Amanda Krampf, Peter Thompson, and Kathy Kallick all swooped in near the end with valuable insights. My long-time and ever-inspiring writing group (Lizzie Brock, Laura Davis, Teresa Miller, and Carly Anne West) gave me feedback through multiple revisions, and kept me motivated and productive throughout a time of great change.

Sara Crowe has been my dream agent and advocate for many years now. I remember well the rush I felt when she told me she’d like to represent me, and my gratitude and trust in her have only deepened since then. She helped get me through this novel’s messy first stages and provided nurturance along the way. I’m so lucky to have her by my side. Thanks also to Rachel Ridout for her lightening-quick turnaround in a moment of doubt.

I am tremendously grateful to the talented and committed people at Penguin Books for Young Readers. From Theresa Evangelista, who gives my books beautiful covers, to Eileen Kreit, who gives them a second life in paperback, to Anna Jarzab, who gets the word out online. Thank you to Anne Heausler and Rosanne Lauer for their expertise, and Elyse Marshall and her team of publicists for working magic. Thank you to Melissa Faulner, who came to Dutton before this book’s rush to publication and who has been a pleasure to work with. And, of course, thank you to my editor, Julie Strauss-Gabel, whose gift for discovering the heart of a story makes my novels so much stronger. If I were to apply the famous E.L. Doctorow quote to myself—the one where he likens writing a novel to driving through fog at night—Julie would be my headlights.

Originally, I hadn’t intended for this novel to have much to do with family, but by the end family became an important part. Though my parents are not Emi’s parents, they raised me in the same spirit, in a stimulating household full of art, music, films, and books, and with unwavering love, support, and belief in me. And though my brother is not Toby, we have found ourselves separated by an ocean for a couple years now, and I love the way his face looks on my computer screen. Thank you all for being mine. Thank you also to my beautiful extended family, near and far, especially my grandmother, whom I love dearly.

Finally, thank you to Kristyn Stroble, my lookout girl and getaway driver. Writing this book made me remember what being nineteen and in love with you felt like. Twelve years later, I feel the same.