Every Little Piece

The loud music grated on my nerves when I re-entered the party with Kama. A group huddled around the radio, singing at the top of their voices, all off-key. Couples slobbered all over each other on the couches, chairs, and in the corners. A game of quarters seemed popular at the kitchen table. Coins were rolling all over the floor, but I didn’t see Seth. He never came back.

“Hey!” Brin pulled me to the side. “What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

She twisted her hands, and her eyes were shifty. A sure sign she was holding something back.

“What?”

She shrugged. “What what?”

I grabbed her arm. “What’re you holding back? Come on. We tell each other everything.”

“Well, you see, Seth left.” She smiled but it still wasn’t real. More like she was hoping I’d buy her expanded version.

I crossed my arms and tapped my foot. I wasn’t that stupid.

She mumbled and played with the sleeves of her shirt.

“Say it again. Without mumbling,” I demanded. The room raged around me, but the noise faded, and I focused on Brin. “Please.”

“Fine. Seth left with Carly.”

Shock reeled my system and stunned me into silence. Carly had been gunning for Seth since forever. Even though I glared at her whenever possible and made it obvious Seth was mine. Even though Brin and Kama had told her more than once that he was taken. Even though the entire school knew we’d been together for years. She’d probably been waiting the whole year, watching for a weakness in our relationship. She’d found one. Tonight. And swooped in for the kill.

I forgot about being angry with Seth, and rage burned up inside that she’d leave with him.

“I don’t think it’s like that,” Brin said. “Jamie tried to stop him or leave with him but he refused.”

“Oh, I know exactly what it’s like.” My words left a bitter sting in the air. “She waited until my boyfriend was drunk and then took advantage of the situation. She’ll probably have him drive out to Raker’s point and seduce him.” I didn’t share the fact that our current fight was about sex, or the lack of sex. But then I realized that part didn’t matter all.

Brin and I came to the same conclusion. “He’s drunk,” we said together.

“Did Carly drive?” I asked. I scanned the party hoping that Brin was mistaken and they were really making out in a dark corner. But I didn’t see them.

“I don’t know.”

But I knew. Seth loved to drive. When he was mad or drunk it was impossible to wrangle the wheel from him. If he was both mad and drunk it could be lethal. I raced upstairs weaving in between the drunk couples. One girl was crying at the top, black mascara streaming down her cheeks. They all shot me dirty looks, but I didn’t care. What mattered was finding Seth. I prayed to God he was in a bedroom. I wanted him alive. I opened every door and peered inside. I called his name. I got a bunch of angry shouts to shut the door. Someone was puking in the bathroom. I whipped open the door, but it wasn’t Seth or Carly. I stumbled back down the stairs.

“Where’s Kama?” I asked Brin. Panic rushed through me, and my adrenaline spiked. My hands were shaking.

“Downstairs shooting pool with Justine, I think.”

I pressed my lips together more determined than ever. This wasn’t my fault. We’d had a fight, and it wasn’t even that big.

“I’ll go grab Kama. Are you okay to drive?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve barely had any.”

She gave me a hard stare. “This conversation isn’t over though. I want to know what happened out there with Seth. You two are the one sure thing in my life. It offers me hope that someday I’ll find the right guy.”

“I promise. We’ll talk. Later.”

She headed to the basement stairs, and I stumbled through the living room to the front door. Kama wouldn’t have a problem with me driving the Beast. It was a clunker and the exhaust sounded like a freight train. She couldn’t stand it so handed over the keys whenever possible. I’d go crazy sitting in the passenger seat anyway. I needed to keep busy. I needed to feel productive.

I stepped outside and a rush of warm air blew my hair into my eyes. I swiped it back behind my ears. It smelled like rain. I usually loved this kind of night, but I was worried about the driving conditions for the next thirty minutes. I easily picked out the Beast among all the Jettas, Civics, and minivans borrowed from parents. I half-walked half-sprinted to the car.

“Hey, wait up!”

“We’re coming!”

We all arrived at the car, breathless. Kama stood in front of me. “You promise you’re okay to drive?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

She narrowed her eyes as if she didn’t believe me.

I put up both hands. “Since the one beer when we first arrived, I’ve had a few sips. But why don’t you both stay here and enjoy the party. You don’t need to get involved in my drama.”

Kama waved her hand. “The party’s kinda boring. And you know me,” she winked, “I love drama.”

“Brin? You want to stay?” I asked.

Kama made a kissing sound. “Sure you want to leave Carter behind?”

Hesitation flashed across her face. “No way. We’re in this together. We’ll find Seth, kick Carly’s butt, then get ready for our little run through town.”

I’d forgotten all about our lost bet. Right now, the wager we’d made over a game of pool seemed like last week. It seemed inconsequential in the bigger scheme of things. After we found Seth, we’d force them to streak down Main Street with us. Maybe Seth and I could even sneak off later, somewhere private to talk.

The Beast started up with a roar as the first raindrops splattered the windshield.

“I checked the weather. This is just a passing shower.” Kama tapped her smart phone.

I gripped the wheel and focused on the road. Signs flashed by, and I knew exactly where to go. It was where everyone goes to make out. Seth and I had visited there and steamed up a couple windows over the past few years. Another reminder of all the times I’d led him on and never put out. I couldn’t wait to talk to Brin later. She’d tell me truth. If I was just a big tease for not wanting to go all the way.

I wound through the towns to the shore, pushing the speed limit. A driving force in my chest feared for Seth’s life. He was mad, and reckless when it came to driving. I wanted to see his car up on the bluff even if it was rocking back and forth. I needed this for my own state of mind. The rain beat the windshield in driving sheets. The car lights barely penetrated the sudden darkness, so I slowed down.

“So much for weather predictions and passing showers,” Kama stated.

I pulled into the empty parking lot and slammed on the brakes. It had been originally built as a lookout point but over the years it had turned into more of a make-out spot. Fog surrounded us like a thick wool blanket. Visibility was at zero. Never mind trying to spot a car twenty feet away.

“I’ll be right back.” I opened the door and made a run for it. The gravel dug through my thin-soled sneakers and rain pelted my face. I sprinted the length of the lot, praying for the sight of his mom’s minivan. But there was no one here. “Dammit. Where are you?”

I raced back to the car and climbed in. Water dripped everywhere. It ran in streams down my arms and back.

Brin squealed. “You’re soaked!”

“No kidding.” I slammed my hand against the wheel. “Where to now? Think. Where would Seth go?”

We sat in silence, the swish of the rain surrounding us like we were the only ones alive. Where would Seth go? Where would he go with a girl? I really didn’t think he was planning on cheating on me. But he might’ve wanted to flirt and show off. “Got it.”

I moved the car into gear and went in reverse, the wheels spinning and spitting out gravel.

“Where to next?” Brin asked.

I pulled out of the lot and drove like a mad woman. “Where’s the one place Seth might bring a girl to impress her or show off.”

“The pool hall,” they said in unison.

I headed back to our town. “I didn’t realize he was so drunk. I mean, I knew, but…” The words stalled and died. That it was graduation night and for some reason that made it more acceptable to drink. Because that was a horrible reason. “I don’t want to find his car wrapped around a pole.”

“We’ll find him.” Brin stated with a confidence that escaped me.

“What’s that?” Kama asked. “Shh. Listen.”

It was hard to hear over the rain but then I heard it. Sirens blared off in the not-so-far distance. My imagination sped forward, and I imagined Seth crushed in an accident. “Shit.” My heart raced, and I pressed the gas harder. The Beast groaned, and the wheels spun, sending the car into a tailspin.

I slammed on the brakes but it sent the car careening off to the side. I lost complete control as the wheels hydroplaned. And then we were spinning.

I heard screams. The colors blurred outside.

I whipped at the wheel and hit the brakes again and again. But the car didn’t stop. A horn blared and headlights bore down on us. I closed my eyes and braced for impact. We got hit from the side. The car shuddered. Metal crunched. Tires squealed. My stomach turned as the car flipped upside down.





I rolled onto my side with a pounding headache and groaned. Somehow I’d ended up at home and had managed to stumble up to my room and fall in bed. My clothes were wrinkled and reeked of beer and smoke. I pulled the pillow over my head. Images from last night seared my brain, hot and pulsing. I remembered Haley’s face when I spit out insults that hurt her feelings. Guilt and regret needled me, and the urge to puke built in my throat.

My memory came back in pieces. Angry words. Pulling away. Storming off. Scenes played out like a movie in my head. I’d tripped up the stairs and went back to the party. Carly had talked to me. We’d walked down the driveway toward my car. Oh my God. Had I left with her?

My fingers curled around my sheets. The truth was like a vice grip. Was I like my mom? A cheat? I wanted the earth to crack open and swallow me. I needed coffee and aspirin.

The downstairs was strangely silent.

“Mom? Dad?” I called. The words didn’t bring any response. “Anyone here?”

I found a note on the table.

Last minute errand. Be back soon. We’ll talk later about the van.

Shit. What I’d do? Leave it on empty? That always pissed Mom off.

I poured some coffee and slumped down at the table with Mom’s iPad to play some stupid mind-numbing game. I switched over to her webmail but it was signed out, and I didn’t know the password. Mom was a lunatic about passwords and changed them every month. But that made sense now, if she’d been hiding an affair with Carly’s dad for the past four months or longer. I pushed away from the table. Too many things were banging around in my head for me to process. Dad leaving. Mom cheating. Me possibly cheating. Leaving Haley high and dry at the party last night.

I shuffled into the living room and flopped on the coach and surfed Netflix for some rerun of something that didn’t make me think. I was drifting off into a nice sleep that would be sure to take the edge off my hangover. Maybe I’d wake up after lunch. Yeah, that was a plan. Then I’d call Carter and crawl back to Haley and beg her forgiveness.

My phone buzzed, jarring me awake. I stumbled into the kitchen and fumbled for the phone on the counter where I dropped my keys last night.

“Hello?”

“Hey, a*shole. You up for breakfast?” Carter asked.

“No. I’ll call you later when I wake up. Much later.” I went to press End but he called my name. “What?” I was fully annoyed at this point. He knew better than to call early on the morning after a party.

“Graduation?”

“Oh, shit.”

“You coming over, or what?”

“Yeah, yeah. Let me jump in the shower and I’ll be right over.”

I dropped the phone. Graduation. Totally forgot. I wished I could postpone it about a week. With all their drama, my parents probably didn’t even remember.

My phone buzzed again. I sighed with annoyance ready to ream Carter out. I got the point. I was coming. The caller ID popped up with Carly. Shit. I ignored it. The last thing I needed was to confront her or find out what happened between us last night. If I kissed her, she was doing the morning after call to try and hook up today or see if it would turn into more. If my memories were correct, and I walked out with her, there must be some mistake. No way would I have left with her on my own.

After showering and forcing down dry toast, I headed outside. Carly called four more times. I ignored all of them. She must’ve been desperate. When I got to the top of the driveway, I froze. My mom’s minivan. The front end was completely smashed. I rolled my neck. Maybe my headache and body aches weren’t due to just a hangover. I shuffled forward, filled with regret. I didn’t remember getting in an accident. How could I forget something like that?

The bumper and grill looked like some monster clamped down on it with fierce and sharp jaws and took a bite. I got home last night so it must still be drivable. I shrugged. It would have to come out of my measly college fund, which I wasn’t counting on anyway. This day was turning out to be crap.

On the way over to Carter’s, Carly called three more times. I was tempted to pick it up and tell her where to go, but it was better to not play her game. I parked down the road instead of in his driveway, because I didn’t want the comments or questions about the van, especially since I didn’t remember. I plastered on a smile and tried not to act like I wanted to crawl into a cave.

Carter took one look at me and smirked. Walking through the breakfast buffet his mom set up, he whispered. “You look like hell.”

“No kidding.” I bit back the questions. Carter had to know about last night. I hoped.

Over breakfast, his parents peppered us with questions about our future, about the day, until Carter gave his mom the signal to quit it. Then they turned the conversation to all the memories of us getting into trouble. It was relaxing and for a few brief moments, I forgot. About everything. If that had been their goal, then it had worked.

A loud rapping at the door interrupted our walk down memory lane. Carter’s mom left the table.

“It’s probably Jamie,” Carter joked. “He was supposed to be here.”

I mustered up the energy to join in. “We’ll save the dishes for him.”

There was a commotion in the entranceway. Carter’s mom sounded flustered. And above her voice was Carly’s. Shit. I hadn’t answered the phone, so she followed me here? Stalker. I pushed back from the table and stormed over to the door.

“What’re you doing here?” I demanded.

She was frantic and ran to me, clutching my shirt and shaking me. “Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all morning!”

I pushed her away in disgust and scolded her in low tones so Carter’s family couldn’t hear. “Listen, I don’t know what happened last night but I was drunk and it didn’t mean anything. So you can go home.”

Tears streaked her cheeks. “You’re an a*shole, you know that. I’ve been to your house, Jamie’s and now here.” She pushed my chest, her eyes turning crazy. “And for the record, we didn’t do anything. I was just trying to be a friend.”

Heat crept up the back of my neck. Now everyone knew. And she was right. I was so paranoid about Haley finding out, and so off with the news of our parents, that I was taking it out on her. I took a deep breath, gaining control of my emotions. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to take the heat of my anger,” I whispered. “What happened between our parents is separate from us.”

Carly cried harder. “Don’t do this, Seth. Not now. Our parents, us, that’s not important right now.” She bit her lip as if not wanting to share the information.

Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach, and I wanted to lose the scrambled eggs and bacon I just ate. “What?” I asked. When she didn’t say anything, I asked again. “What?” My voice shook. Carter stood next to me, along with his parents.

Carly broke down. “There was an accident last night. It was raining. The car hydroplaned.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sorry, Seth.”

I struggled to breathe. “Haley?”

She nodded. “They’re not letting anyone in or releasing any information. That’s why I’ve been calling you. I’m so sorry. I hope they’re okay.” Then she turned and ran away.

She hoped they were okay? Brin and Kama must’ve been with her. I grabbed Carter’s shoulder. “Let’s go, man.”

Carter’s parents promised to call mine, and they’d be over soon. I raced to the van with Carter following.

“Whoa, what happened to your mom’s van?” Carter asked after we slammed the door closed, and I gunned the engine.

“I front ended a car when leaving the party.” For some reason, I couldn’t admit that I couldn’t remember.

I could crush the steering wheel I was squeezing it so hard. I whipped around corners and flew along the straight-aways. The rest of last night’s rain streamed down the windshield.

I had to get to the hospital.

I couldn’t believe I made this all about me. I ignored Carly’s calls. I assumed she was flirting. I was such a jerk. Why had they been out on the road? Haley should’ve stayed at the party, laughing, and having a good time.

I’d never gone back to the party. I meant to, just to show them all that I wasn’t drunk, but my heart had been teetering on the edge, and I couldn’t face Haley. Not after I’d lied to her all night and then laid blame on her for not being committed. I should’ve gone back. I should’ve been there.

I rounded a corner and cut off another car. The driver laid on the horn. Almost there. I threw out all sorts of promises to a God I didn’t believe in. Just make her okay. We pulled into the hospital, parked the van, and ran.





Drip, drip, drip. Still raining.

I tried to move but the weight of the world pressed on my body. I panicked and struggled to move. My mind was blank, a clear slate with not even a scribble on it. I couldn’t recall even a fragment of a memory. How had I ended up here? Where was I?

“She’s awake!” a voice called.

People rushed around me, creating a slight draft. Fingers pressed into the crook of my arm. Beeps beeped and machines hummed quietly in the background. Hushed whispers. I faded them out. A hot tear trembled against my eyelashes. I was in a hospital, and I was the one hurt. What had happened?

Drip, drip, drip. The rain. Graduation. The night flashed back. Everything from our crazy wager to the hot tub to the party. SETH! The word screamed out, pulsing in my head and crashing against my chest as I repeated his name. I groaned and tried to speak.

“Seth!”

A hand smoothed my hair. “No worries, dear. You’re lucky to be alive.”

Her voice continued to calm me, but her sweet words crashed against me and fell away. They didn’t make it past the words screaming through my head. I opened my eyes for the first time and grabbed her hand. Her skin was warm. My fingers felt ice cold. She gently pried them off and laid my arm back on the bed.

“It’s okay, hon. You were in an accident. But you’re going to make it. I believe you made it out with whiplash, a concussion and bruises from the airbag and the impact.” Her eyes were set against her dark face. She wore her kinky hair super short. She was good. Her job was to calm down the wackos who woke up and realized they were in the hospital and their boyfriend might be dead. But she knew something.

“Seth! Is Seth here?” I managed to whisper. The words scratched at my throat.

“Only your parents are allowed in, and we sent them down for a break. They’ll be back shortly.”

“Seth!” She didn’t understand, and my frustration grew. “Is he here in the hospital?”

She smiled. “Is he your honey? Any other guests, we sent home.”

A tear slipped down my cheek. “No.”

She rubbed my cheek and tucked the blanket around me. Without a word, she fiddled with the machinery.

“I mean. Is he hurt? In the hospital?”

She pressed her lips together as if debating how much to say. That expression sent panic sweeping through me. Oh my God. He was dead. I hadn’t made it in time. Those sirens we’d heard were for him. As I wondered about Seth, horror crept in and squeezed my chest. I could barely breathe. I heard the crunch of metal again and the screams. Kama! And Brin!

I pushed up onto my elbows even though every muscle in my body complained. I barely got the words out. “My friends. In the car. Are they okay?” My voice trembled, and I teetered on the edge. That was what she held back. It wasn’t her job to tell me that my friends hadn’t made it. Dead. I killed them. I had to know.

I ripped out any tubes going into my arm. It hurt like hell. The tape peeled off my skin, ripping all the tiny hairs with it. Every movement sent pain crashing through my head. I stumbled out of the bed. Strong hands gripped my arms.

“Now that’s enough, Haley. You must stay in bed.” She pressed a button on the wall. I knew what would come next. They’d prick me and put me back to sleep.

“No!” I yelled. I had to see the rooms. Maybe they were there, sleeping off a concussion just like me. They had to be. Had to be.

She tried her hardest to force me back to bed. But any pain I’d endured didn’t matter. The pain felt cathartic as it sliced through me. I hauled off and punched her in the face. I screamed, the sobs fighting to break free. I reached the door and whipped it open.

An old man shuffled down the hallway in his walker, his hospital gown flapping open in the back. A nurse scurried over to me from a desk, so I booked it down the hall to the next room. I opened the door. Empty. I rushed to the next door and opened it. A small girl watched reruns of Dora on the television. The next door. An old lady snored in bed. I went from door to door. I stopped outside the last door. This was my last hope, and I didn’t want to open it.

Two male nurses each grabbed an arm. I grimaced, waiting for the needle.

“Don’t touch her!”

My dad stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. I collapsed against him. The warmth of his shirt smelled like home. His arms hadn’t held me like this since I was a little girl. But I remembered. It was everything safe and loving. I remembered. Together, we sank to the floor, and he just held me.

“I need to know,” I mumbled against his chest. I hoped and prayed the fact that Brin and Kama weren’t in any of the rooms was a mistake. Maybe they were on a different floor. Or they were miraculously thrown from the car. I just needed them to be alive.

“I’m sorry, Haley.” His words were soft but pierced through to my heart. “They didn’t make it.”

I wailed, the sobs breaking through any restraint I had. He held me, and we rocked together in the hallway of the hospital. He ran his fingers down my hair and rubbed my back.

But nothing helped. Nothing would ever help.





Carter and I raced up to the hospital desk in the lobby. The older lady behind it peered at me through her bifocals. I barely got the words out.

“Haley Sparks. Where is she?”

The woman bit her lip, smearing her red lipstick, while studying the computer. “What wing is she in?”

“I don’t know. She came some time last night. Bad car accident.” My voice cracked.

“Oh.” The woman’s face changed from business-like to pity and my stomach curled in on itself. She pointed down the hall. “Emergency wing. But Haley Sparks isn’t allowed to see anyone but family.”

I slammed my fist on the desk. “So she’s alive?”

She gave me a motherly smile. “I can’t say, dear.”

I sprinted over to the emergency wing and pushed through the doors. Carter followed.

“Maybe we should wait in the lobby?” he asked.

“No way. I have to know.” I walked but then ran up to the desk. My breath came out in ragged pants as fear seized my chest. One glance around the room told me Haley’s parents weren’t here. “What room is Haley Sparks in?”

The nurse shook her head. “She was moved to a different floor last night.” She patted my hand. “Fourth floor.”

Carter grabbed my arm and forced me to walk to the elevator. Nervous sweat soaked my pits, and I smelled the odor. I wanted to puke but gritted my teeth as my stomach dropped on the way to the fourth floor.

“You can do this, okay?” He tried to comfort me, but he didn’t know everything that happened.

On the third floor, two male nurses entered the elevator in the middle of a conversation.

“So it was a hit and run?” the one asked.

“I think so. The police were here but haven’t been able to question the girl. I hope they catch the guy.”

“What are the odds of that?”

“Pretty slim. It was high enough that it was from a larger vehicle.”

The nurse sighed. “I feel bad for the girl. She’s the same age as my daughter. She’s got a tough road in front of her, being the only survivor.”

The elevator stopped, and they exited. I slid against the wall until my butt hit the floor. Carter was pale and shaky. Only survivor. I pressed my palms to my eyes. She’d lost her best friends. Hit and run. What kind of a*shole did that?

The fourth floor blinked, and the door opened. We stepped out and took shaky breaths. “Let’s go,” I said.

We found the check-in desk but I didn’t see any parents in the waiting area. I turned to Carter. “You go check the cafeteria. I’ll look around here.”

“Sure, man.” He squeezed my arm. “I’ll be right back.” He stumbled away just as much a zombie as I felt.

I waited for a nurse to arrive but only an old man with a walker shuffled down the hall. Every five feet or so, another door, another room, another opportunity to find the truth. Strains of some kid’s show came through one of them. Haley could be behind any one of them.

A heart-wrenching scream ripped out from behind one of the doors. Someone struggled, and machines and carts crashed about. The door flew open, and Haley stumbled out. Tubes dangled from her arms. Pain like jagged pieces of glass splintered off her. The way she jerked forward, reaching out, for someone she couldn’t see. The paleness of her face. The desperation in her eyes. She looked like hell.

I felt the blood drain from my face. I wanted to run to her, but my feet wouldn’t move. She raced to each door, opened it, then moved to the next one. Finally, she stopped just as the nurses closed in on her.

“Don’t touch her!” Her dad burst from the men’s bathroom and ran to her. He wrapped his arms around her and they sank to the floor.

Then she let out a wail that reached in and tore out my heart. More images from last night flashed through my head. A car crash. A hit and run. The front of my mom’s minivan, the twisted and torn metal. I’d been driving drunk.

The realization squeezed my entire body, and I stepped away. The smells surrounded me, the beeping of machines, the white walls. It was too much. I couldn’t hold my girlfriend. I ran away.

I raced down the stairs and collapsed in the lobby.

My knees dug into the carpet. I sucked in air. Carter dragged me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around me, but I pushed him away and sprinted outside. I needed fresh air. I needed the sun. I needed to breathe. And I couldn’t breathe in the hospital.

Outside, Carter caught up to me. “What’s going on? Don’t you want to visit?”

“No.” I walked back toward my mom’s minivan. How had I survived? Last night crashed down on me and the guilt tore at my insides.

Carter tried to talk to me, but I shook him off. “You don’t get it.”

“Then tell me!”

I wanted to tell him, tell him everything. What would he think? The thought of losing my friends to the truth twisted my gut. My secrets needed to stay secret. I unlocked the van and cringed at the sight of the twisted metal. “I mean, Haley needs her family right now. Visitors aren’t allowed. They kicked me out.” The lie came easily. “We’ll come back later.”

But I’d never come back. I didn’t deserve to visit or to comfort her. I deserved prison or worse. Either way our relationship was over. Her love for me would die the second she found out my part in this.

It was better we drifted apart, and she never learned the truth.