thirty-three
THE ACTIVITY CENTER AT LIVING WORD HAD PLAYED host to every kind of youth event, special ministry event, big-name speaker event, and even a music concert, but none had been anything like this. That’s the story Brian kept hearing as he waited in a room down the hall. His album release party had packed the place as never before.
He looked up as the door opened and Jackson, a church volunteer, came in looking official—clipboard, cell phone, and walkie-talkie—ready to give his update. The room they were in had grown crowded too. Initially it was just a few people who would pray with Brian beforehand, including his friends who’d flown in from Atlanta. But as word leaked where he was, more and more people had filtered through the loose security system, all to wish him well.
The group grew quiet as Jackson lifted his hands to get their attention. “We’re supposed to start in ten minutes, but the line is still stretched across the parking lot. We moved most of the tables out to make room, so we should be able to accommodate everyone. Just a matter of getting them inside in an orderly fashion. I think we’ll be ready in twenty.”
As the noise and mingling ratcheted up again, two people from Brian’s label pulled Jackson aside to talk, and the three of them left. Logan walked over and took a seat beside Brian, who hadn’t strayed far from his current posture since he’d arrived—elbows on the table, head resting in clasped hands, shooting up intermittent prayers. So much was riding on this night.
In a matter of minutes he would premiere an album he’d been excited about when first completed, but over the last two months had begun to wonder whether it was too hastily done and not up to par. Plus, he would premiere a video that revealed his darkest secret and receive instant feedback—the good, the bad, and the ugly. And that was only part of the weight he was carrying.
Logan eyed him. “How’s it going? You ready?”
Brian blew out a breath. “I don’t know if I could ever be ready. Tonight could go so many ways.” He glanced toward the door. “Kelli’s not even here yet. What am I supposed to make of that?”
Logan glanced that way himself. “You know she’ll be here. But you would’ve made things easier for yourself if you hadn’t pulled back from communicating with her.”
“I’ve talked to her.”
“About the video, stuff related to the album . . .”
“I know.” Brian had already been second-guessing himself. “I felt like I had to be sure I wasn’t running on emotion. I needed the space to pray and be sure”—he winced—“if that makes sense.” He sighed. “I’m about to make a fool of myself in front of everybody.”
Logan smiled at him. “But if it works out . . . what a moment.”
“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.”
Phyllis and Hayes’s son Cole brought over a paper plate with two slices of sausage and mushroom pizza. Surprised, Brian looked and saw Hayes had come in with a carryout box.
“Thank you, buddy, I appreciate that,” Brian told Cole. Then he called over to Hayes with a smile. “I thought it was settled. I told you I was fine with pepperoni and mushroom.”
Pizza delivery had botched the order.
“It was the least I could do,” Hayes said. “You should have your favorite on your big night. You deserve it.”
Brian looked at him, at a loss for words. “Thank you,” he said.
He took a bite, turning back to Logan. “Have you talked to Heather? How’s that going?”
“Talked to her last night. She really wishes she could be here. But she’s committed to that youth group, and they’ve got a retreat this weekend.”
Brian kept eyeing him. “That’s not what I was asking about. Unload, brother.”
Logan clasped his hands behind his head. “It’s weird. She’s been gone, what, a month and a half? I feel more drawn to her now than when she was here. Can’t wait to talk to her to find out how she’s doing or to tell her about a song I wrote.” He paused, a smile lighting his face. “Sometimes on Thursdays, she likes me to play a song for her over the phone.”
“Pretty special stuff, man.”
“Pretty scary stuff.”
“Why scary? You thought a woman would never capture your heart?”
Logan narrowed his gaze, tilting his head a little. “I don’t think I’ve wanted to step back and analyze it, but maybe that’s it. She’s captured my heart.”
Brian paused before another bite. “Did it really take ‘analysis’ for you to see that?”
“You got a point. I almost wish that Florida position had come through. Then I would’ve been gone anyway. Being here without her is hard.”
“Dude. She’s two hours away. Not like you can’t make a road trip.”
Logan seemed to ponder that. “Maybe I should. I’d love to meet her family.”
The door opened again and Brian looked, hoping it was Kelli. But Stephanie and Lindell breezed in, a look of bewilderment in Stephanie’s eyes.
“What in the world?” she asked, looking back at the door after it closed. She and Lindell headed for Brian. “Two girls saw us headed down the hall,” she told him, “and one of them whispered, ‘I bet they know where Alien is.’ They started following us!”
Lindell laughed. “I told them you’d be in the activity center shortly, but they said it was so crowded that this was the only chance they’d get to see you up close. For what it’s worth, they said they’re camping outside the door till you come out.”
“I forget you’re so popular,” Stephanie said. “They’re wearing shirts that say I’m an alien too . . . not of this world. What’s up with that? You’ve got shirts?”
Brian shrugged. He found much of this hard to believe himself. “The label put those out with the first album.” He stood. “I’ll probably never get used to people wanting to meet me. I’ll go say hello.” He popped the last bit of pizza into his mouth.
Brian opened the door and stepped out to the sound of gasps. He thought it funny that on Sundays he never got this kind of reaction. But news of the release party had been promoted through his website and other online sites, plus an e-blast for those who had signed up to get news through the label. Fans had gotten the word and come out, some of them driving hours, from what he’d heard.
He smiled, shaking their hands. “Good to see y’all. Thanks so much for showing up to support the new project.”
“I can’t believe you actually came out,” one of the girls said, beaming. She looked at her friend. “He’s even cuter in person.”
The friend nodded hard, eyes wide. “We can’t wait to hear the new music. Oh, and can you sign our shirts?” She handed him a marker and turned her shoulder toward him.
“Sure can.” He signed Alien and Phil. 3:20 on both and handed back the marker. “After you hear the songs, you have to let me know what you think.”
“Really? We’d love to.”
Brian’s eyes lifted beyond them. Kelli and her mother were headed his way.
Vaguely he saw the girls depart. He was excited Mrs. London had come to town, but mostly he couldn’t take his eyes off Kelli. She wore dark-colored pants, a top and jacket with a slight silver shimmer, high-heeled boots, and her hair was full and curly. He was glad she considered this a special night for herself as well because it was. Her first work on an album. It meant the world to him to share this with her.
He walked the few steps to meet them and hugged Kelli’s mom. “Mrs. London, I haven’t seen you in so long. I’m so glad you could make it. And you look great.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it. I’m so overjoyed for Kelli—and you, young man”—Francine held his shoulders—“I’m so proud of you. I’m not surprised at all that you’ve got a music ministry. You were always special.”
“Thank you, Mrs. London.” He wondered if Kelli had told her about the video. She’d probably retract her view of him once she saw it. “And I don’t know if I’ve ever really thanked you for giving me a second home growing up. It made a huge difference in my life.”
“You made a huge difference in our lives too, Brian. You introduced us to the Lord—you and Grandma Howard, that is. I was so sorry to hear about her passing.”
Brian held her words. “I appreciated the flowers you sent.” He turned to Kelli. “Hey. You look beautiful.”
She smiled, but it seemed distant. “Thanks.”
Yep, I’m about to make a fool of myself.
“They say we should be ready to start soon. There are a few refreshments—”
He heard heels clacking down the hall and looked up. Monica? What was she doing here?
With an entourage of three she came toward them, looking glamorous in a long sparkly tunic, leggings, and extra-high heels. She spread her arms as she neared Brian.
“I’m so happy for you!” she exclaimed, hugging him.
He backed up a step. “I thought you couldn’t come.”
“I wasn’t sure at first, then I wanted to surprise you. Did it work?”
“Yeah, I’d say it did.” He saw Kelli and Mrs. London moving toward the door and stepped toward them. “You remember Kelli, don’t you? And this is her mom.”
Monica flashed a smile and greeted them. “Great work on the album,” she told Kelli. “I was impressed, especially given this was your first collaboration.”
Kelli exchanged a glance with Brian. “So you’ve already heard it?”
“Of course,” Monica said.
Brian clarified. “She’s heard most of the songs.”
Monica looked perturbed. “I thought you sent all the songs. Anyway, Demetrius and Yolanda are on their way. We thought it’d be fun to spend some time together afterward, maybe go to dinner, like we’ve done for our other release parties. What do you think?”
“I’m not sure, Monica,” Brian said. “I appreciate all of you coming, but I doubt it’ll work tonight.”
Monica’s eyes flickered Kelli’s way. “Okay. Just let us know.”
They all entered the room together, and a small uproar ensued when people saw Monica. The last thing he wanted was for the evening to take on a “Brian and Monica” feel, but that’s exactly what was happening, as he heard people assuming she’d sung on his album.
When everyone had moved to the activity center, he looked around for Kelli. She’d melded into the crowd, standing with her family, watching as if she too were waiting to hear the music for the first time. When Brian got the signal it was time to start, he gladly took the stage to get things going.
The extended roars and applause overwhelmed him. Brian raised his hands, keeping Kelli in his line of vision. When the crowd quieted, he shook his head at them. “Y’all really came out, didn’t you?”
They cheered again.
“You don’t know how much I appreciate your support,” he said, “but I have to admit I’m a little nervous.” He paused, taking them in. “This project means so much to me. It’s intensely personal, and I’m so close to it that I have no idea how anyone else will feel about it.” He smiled. “But I hope you like it.”
“We’ll love it,” someone yelled, joined by other shout-outs.
“You might’ve noticed the big screens mounted on either side of the room.” Brian pointed to them. “We’re also premiering a video tonight. We held this celebration here at Living Word because while the video features the first song that’ll be released on Tuesday”—he waited while they cheered again—“it’s also part of a ministry for young men that kicks off this week at our church. It’s called ‘Choices,’ and . . . well, I think you’ll see why I say this album is intensely personal.”
He lowered his mic and waited as the lights dimmed and his face appeared on-screen, then he walked down the steps and stood with Kelli.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father,” Brian was saying on-screen, his face shadowed, a soft piano playing. “And I saw that big-time in my own life, from the grandmother God gave me, from the mother and father who gave me life . . . and from the best friend he gave me in high school— Kelli London.”
Cedric and Lindell turned to Kelli, stunned, along with Cyd and Stephanie. None of them knew Kelli had decided to go public with her part in the story. Brian had been stunned himself when he saw the final script. But she said she felt God prodding her to be transparent, to let go of needless shame, in order to touch others. Still, it clearly wasn’t easy for her.
Brian clasped her hand, sure her heart was beating as hard as his.
“Kelli was the best friend I could’ve asked for,” on-screen Brian was saying. “We shared a love of school, basketball, and music. In fact, Kelli was into music way more than I was. She wrote songs and she could sing, and I was sure one day she’d be a big star. I was the science nerd, and even though she didn’t love it, she’d indulge me with fifty trips a month to the Science Center—and I’m only exaggerating a little.”
The crowd giggled as young actors on-screen were shown inside the Science Center, wrestling a dinosaur.
“After two years of close friendship, we began dating, and it was innocent enough . . . for a while.” The video showed a young couple walking through the hallways at school, holding hands. “But at the end of high school, I made a choice. Instead of keeping purity in the forefront of my mind, I wanted our relationship to go ‘deeper.’ Guess you could say we both did. And one day, we acted on that.
“I misused God’s good and perfect gift.”
The music turned a little ominous as the couple on-screen entered a bedroom, the door closing behind them. Brian took a peek behind him at Mrs. London. Her eyes were riveted to the screen.
On-screen Brian was walking down a lonely sidewalk at night. “Three weeks later, I learned she was pregnant. I spent some time thinking about what I should do.” He looked at the camera. “Know what I came up with? I decided to follow up that first bad choice with a terrible choice. I walked away from Kelli and our baby. I wasn’t even with her when she went to the clinic.”
Brian could feel the stares around him. His stare was on the screen as he tried to hold it together. Kelli was wiping tears.
“My choice was all about me. I’d done my grandmother proud. I was headed for college, first in my family, ready for a career in science, maybe a Nobel Prize. I didn’t want to be weighed down. But when I got to college, I was weighed down—with guilt. I couldn’t believe what I’d done to Kelli, to our baby—to God. I had sinned against Him, and I could barely stand the sight of myself.”
The video showed a man anguished at his bedside, on his knees. “It was there in college, in the middle of the night, that I pleaded for forgiveness, and my life changed forever. I saw God in ways I’d never really seen Him, as a God of great mercy and grace. I recommitted my life to Him, and He led me down paths I never could’ve imagined . . . including this path of ministry through music.”
Brian walked through a field of grass, with blue sky overhead. “But there was still a problem, a choice needing to be made. As hard as it would be, I needed to find Kelli and tell her how sorry I was. Seven years after I’d walked out on her, I did find her—and trust me, it was hard.” He looked into the camera again. “But remember what I said about grace and mercy? Took some time but she forgave me, and something happened beyond my wildest dreams. She became my co-collaborator on my second album, called Love Letters.
“But something even greater than that happened. Together we wrote a song for our baby, and it’s the first release from the album— ‘I Will Love You.’ We only ask you to do one thing as you listen. Think about the most important people in your life, and make the choice to love them hard now, while they’re with you.”
The song began playing, and on-screen, different images appeared of parents with their babies and children, couples, friends enjoying life, and back to babies.
By the end of the song, Brian had taken the stage again. As the lights came up, he was rocked by what he saw—people in tears across the room. He lifted the microphone. “I’d like to introduce my friend and co-collaborator on this album, Kelli London.”
The room thundered louder than it had initially for Brian. Kelli made her way to the stage, and Brian took her into his arms. For long seconds they held one another, the crowd never once letting up. Finally, they turned to face everyone and waited another long while until the noise died down.
Brian sighed into the microphone. “Well. What did you think?”
He and Kelli looked at one another and smiled when the crowd erupted again. Brian held up his hand. “I am so blown away by your response. God showed up in a big way on that song, didn’t He?” Brian paused while a few whistles sounded. “But wait, that’s just one song on the album. We’ve got twelve, and each one is a love letter. Volunteers are passing through the crowd right now to give you a handout so you can read what each love letter is about as the song plays.”
He held up a copy of the CD. “And of course, we’ve got the CD available here tonight. I love this artwork on the cover, but I especially love what it says at the top: Alien, featuring Kelli London.”
Kelli leaned over to take a look. “I hadn’t seen that. You put my name on the cover?”
He smiled at her, then addressed the crowd. “Kelli and I would love to meet you. We’ll be over at the signing table.”
She whispered as they walked down the steps. “I’m signing too?”
Brian took her hand. “Of course you are.”
Mrs. London was one of the first people they saw in the crowd. He couldn’t read her expression.
She looked from Kelli to Brian, then back to Kelli. “Why am I just hearing this tonight? Why didn’t you tell me, Kelli? I would’ve been there for you.”
“I know.” Kelli barely made eye contact. “There are a lot of things I should’ve done. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too, Mrs. London. I wasn’t the person you thought I was.”
She stared them both down, shaking her head, then pulled them into a hug. “Pretty smart, Kelli, letting me find out through that video. Who could stay mad after watching that? It was too powerful.” She looked at them again. “Brian, you made some wrong choices— we all do—but you’re still the thoughtful young man you always were.” She noticed a line growing behind them. She gave them the eye. “We’ll talk more later, all right?”
Kelli and Brian glanced at one another. “All right,” they said.
Monica approached them next, her eyes teary. “Brian, I see why you didn’t let me hear that particular song until now.” She glanced at Kelli. “I knew you two had a history, but I didn’t know it ran that deep. That was so moving. I could only praise God as I listened.”
Brian was grateful for this first bit of feedback. “I appreciate that, Monica. It wasn’t easy to tell that story.”
“But it’ll impact so many. I know it will.” She looked at Kelli. “I loved that song when you played it for me, but I see now why it wasn’t meant to be. You two were meant to do it together.” She paused. “Actually, you were meant to do this whole album together. What a beautiful story.”
Kelli smiled, hanging on to Brian’s hand. “Thank you, Monica. That means a lot to me.”
Brian spotted the teen girls whose shirts he had signed, waiting behind Monica. He pulled Kelli forward and introduced her to them.
The smiley giggles were gone. One of them was crying.
Kelli let Brian’s hand go and hugged her. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m eighteen,” she said, “and I made the same choice last year.” Her chest heaved. “I know God forgives me, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I grew up in a good Christian family, and they don’t even know. I felt so alone, like I was the only one who had done something like this.” She looked at Brian. “Thank you. I loved you before, but I really love you now. That video was so freeing for me, just to be able to focus on God’s grace and mercy.”
Kelli smiled. “That’s the song that’s playing right now. His grace and mercy have covered you.” She tugged on the girl’s hand. “It took me a long time to believe that, so I’m telling you now— believe it. Okay?”
The girl nodded, fresh tears spilling. “Can I dedicate that same love song to my baby?”
Kelli glanced at Brian, her own tears welling, and he knew what she was thinking. She couldn’t believe the song was already providing comfort to someone else.
“Oh, absolutely you can,” Kelli said.
For the next hour, they heard similar stories from people in the signing line. Many, though, simply shared how moved they were by the video and song. Brian and Kelli sat side by side, marveling at the reactions, focusing on each individual. But although Brian was encouraged, he wasn’t totally relieved. This was a highly supportive crowd. What would happen Tuesday when the song was officially released? What would the masses say? What would they think of him?
Brian’s ear was tuned to the sequence of the songs. When the last track neared the end, he told Kelli they needed to wrap it up and head back to the stage. As soon as the crowd saw them up there, they howled as if they hadn’t seen them all night.
“Does that mean you liked Love Letters?” Brian asked.
As they yelled affirmation, Brian looked at Kelli. “Can you believe this? All those hours, all that prayer.”
Kelli smiled. “God is faithful.”
Brian faced the crowd again. “Now that you’ve had a chance to hear all the songs, for the rest of the evening—”
“Hey! Wait!”
He turned. Logan was coming up the stairs.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Brian said, “one minute, please. This is Logan Duncan, our assistant worship pastor here at Living Word.”
The crowd gave Logan a shout-out, especially the ladies.
Logan whispered in Brian’s ear.
“You’re saying they haven’t heard all the songs?” Brian’s jaw dropped as he listened. He checked the back of the CD. “There’s a hidden bonus track on my album?”
He stared at Kelli with a look of shock. A second later he had his arm around Logan with a wide grin.
“Okay, I have a confession to make, everybody,” he said. “You heard twelve love letters—a love letter to our baby, to the world, to those who are suffering, to young men and young women, to the least of these, to fellow aliens”—he waited as they cheered—“to the fearfully and wonderfully made, and so on.” He paused. “But there’s one love letter you haven’t heard yet—my love letter to Kelli.”
Gasps and choruses of “Aww . . .” sounded from the crowd.
Kelli’s hand went to her chest as she looked at Brian.
“You all heard what I put her through, how I misused God’s good and perfect gift . . . when I should’ve cherished her, as God does. My friend here, Logan, did the song with me, and I’m dedicating it to Kelli. We’re about to perform it live. It’s called ‘Cherished.’”