twenty-six
IT WAS FRIDAY, AND BRIAN WAS STARTING TO PANIC. SO far only three songs had been recorded, and the album was due to the label end of next week. He was thankful he finally knew where he was going with it, but for the last album, he’d recorded ten songs more than needed—way in advance—so people he trusted could listen and tell him which were best to include. Now he was stressing over whether they’d have time to write and record the bare minimum, each of which needed to be good. And added to that stress was the fact that he was about to expose his past, which could bring a ton of controversy.
He stared vaguely at the computer screen in the studio. At least his label was on board with what he was doing. It considered itself a ministry with a mission to present the Gospel and a biblical world-view through music. The label owner told Brian, “We’ve never shied away from letting our artists tell the raw truth about their pasts. It makes the light of Christ shine all the brighter.”
He just hoped the public would see it that way.
He brought his focus back to the computer, trying to clear his inbox before Kelli arrived from work. Kelli. He hated how often she came to mind, even more so when he was trying not to think about her. After that blow at Six Flags, he told himself to forget all hope that the two of them could be together. Of course she had a boyfriend. What an idiot he’d been to assume otherwise.
He leaned forward when new messages downloaded to his mailbox and let out a groan at the first one. His academic advisor. He skimmed the note, zeroing in on the bottom line. We need to know by end of next week whether you will continue your studies in the fall or terminate your degree at the master’s level.
Brian’s head fell on the desk. He was supposed to know his life’s future by next week? If the album turned out well, did that mean God wanted him to focus solely on the music? How would he really know?
He lifted his head with a new thought. Maybe it wasn’t the either/or it seemed. He could resume studies in the fall because the album wouldn’t release until the end of October, when the semester was half over. Somehow he’d make it work. He’d work double the extra hours in the lab on the days he could, to compensate for concert dates out of town.
And anyway . . . who said he needed to do tons of concert dates? People who followed his music knew he was a student. Wouldn’t they understand he couldn’t be on the road much? But his label definitely wouldn’t understand. After all, this was a business. Albums cost money. They needed him to get out there and promote it. That might even be in his contract.
Vaguely, he moved his mouse to the next message, concerning possible artwork for the CD cover. They needed feedback today. He went to the next—and the doorbell rang.
Brian sighed, knowing it was Kelli. It wasn’t that he no longer enjoyed working with her. It was that he loved it too much. He needed someone to tell him how to shut off his heart. He bounded up the stairs and let her in.
She looked cute as usual in simple white capri pants, her hair gathered in a side ponytail. “Hey,” she said.
“Hi, Kelli.” He stepped aside as she walked in. “You can go on downstairs. I need to run up and get some notes I had for a song idea, though I confess I’m not jazzed about it.”
Brian went to his bedroom, grabbed the notes from his nightstand, and went down to the studio. When he sat in his chair, he saw what he’d left showing on his computer screen—a picture of him and Monica with their arms around one another at last Friday’s festival. One of the teen girls had sent the e-mail through his website.
Kelli had her head in her notepad, but he was sure she saw it. Whatever. Didn’t matter anyway.
He switched screens on the computer and turned toward her. “I’m really hoping some ideas came to you, ’cause I’ve been stressing the last couple of days.”
She sat back, crossing her legs. “I have two to run by you.”
“Excellent. Shoot.”
“First one comes from this project I’m working on at church. I’ve been so impacted by the stories. I think we should do a love letter to young men.”
Brian nodded. “Importance of choices, not just living in the now.”
“Exactly. Responsibility. Taking the right path. A decision today can affect your life for years to come, not to mention the lives of others.”
“Okay. What’s the other?”
“The parallel, a love letter to young women. Choices are huge there too. The song would let them know it’s okay to be different, to hold on to virtue and modesty, to save sex for marriage. Also encourage them to look closely at the kind of men they’re dating.”
Brian laughed, but without amusement. “Why do I feel like both these ideas are aimed at slamming me?”
“What?” Kelli frowned. “That’s not the aim at all.”
“If you’re a young man, don’t make the choices Brian made, taking your girlfriend to bed, leaving her when she gets pregnant. And if you’re a young woman, avoid a guy like Brian at all costs. Absolutely. Let’s put that on the album.”
Kelli looked confused. “Why are you even going there? We both made choices we regret, but we can take the lessons learned and pass them on.”
“So you wish you’d never dated me?” There it was, his heart on his sleeve. He was fighting with everything he had to keep his emotions in check.
Kelli locked eyes with him. Her silence was killing him.
“I’d never say that, Brian.”
“No, say what you feel. I’m a big boy. I can take it.”
“You were my best friend, a huge part of my life.”
“But you wish we had left it at that, right? You wish we never ventured over into dating?”
Kelli shifted in her seat. “It’s crossed my mind. If we hadn’t started dating, things wouldn’t have gone where they did. We would’ve saved ourselves a lot of heartache.”
He nodded, moving his swivel chair back toward the computer. This was great. He was supposed to somehow get past this and work? Knowing that the woman he loved not only didn’t want a future with him but wished they’d never been involved in the past?
Did I just admit in my heart that I still love Kelli?
He ran his hand across his neck. He needed to remove himself and their experiences from the equation. These were good song ideas. He blew out a huge sigh and forced himself to move on. “Okay, any ideas for a hook for these?”
Kelli was staring at her phone. “Excuse me a sec. I need to reply to this.”
She got up and walked across the room, facing away from him. “Hi, got your text. You’ll be here tonight?”
Kelli was talking low, but Brian could hear. So what if he was straining.
“What time? . . . How long are you staying? . . . Sunday morning? Miles, why are you springing this on me? I thought we would plan the visit together.”
Huh. Miles.
“I’m just saying, I have things to do . . .”
Brian’s head was pounding.
“I understand . . . I know. You’re right . . . I’ll make it work somehow . . . See you.”
Kelli sat back down, then seemed to remember him and looked up. “You asked about the hook?”
“We’re not ignoring the elephant in the room, Kelli. Your boyfriend’s coming, and you won’t be able to work tomorrow or even late today. Right?”
“Wrong. I mean, he’s coming, yes. And I might not be able to work late tonight. But I made a commitment to work on this album with you, and that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Does he know you’re working on this project?”
She cut her eyes over at him. “You’re in my business again, Brian.”
So apparently the answer was no.
“Should be an interesting weekend, huh?”
KELLI WAITED INSIDE THE TERMINAL NEAR BAGGAGE claim, growing more excited by the minute to see Miles. Most of the afternoon she’d had an attitude with him. Booking a ticket without consulting her? Having to stop work when they’d hit a nice groove?
But once she’d gotten away from the studio, her mind shifted to the reality that he was actually coming. They’d be able to spend some time together. She’d been so busy with Brian, so taken with creating music once again, that her relationship with Miles had admittedly suffered neglect. But her heart fluttered on the drive to the airport—he really did mean a lot to her.
She saw a new wave of passengers descending the escalator and spied Miles among them, overnight bag on his shoulder, handsome in dark blue denim and a polo top. When he saw her, a smile spread on his face, and he opened wide for a hug.
“I can’t believe I’m here,” he said, arms tight around her. “It’s so good to see you.”
“I can’t believe you’re here either.” She inhaled his nearness, the feel of her head against his chest, then leaned back, narrowing her eyes at him. “Especially since it was so last minute.”
“Still mad at me?”
“I wasn’t mad.” She glanced at baggage claim. “Did you check anything?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
She led him out, and he took her hand.
“You can charge and convict me if you want,” he said. “I’m guilty. When I saw an opportunity to come see you, I grabbed it.” He paused as the automatic doors opened, a little-boy pout on his face. “Aren’t you a little glad to see me?”
Kelli smiled. “I’m a lot glad to see you.” She shooed the comparisons flitting about in her head—a hair taller than Brian but not as built, every bit as handsome . . . not that it mattered.
They continued to the parking garage. “It’s just that we could’ve had more time if we’d planned a weekend next month.”
“You alluded to that earlier,” he said. “What do you have going on this weekend?”
“Oh, we’ll talk about it later.” She fished her keys out of her purse. “I’m excited you finally get to meet my family. They’re at the restaurant now, getting a table.”
“What did you tell them about me? That I’m head over heels crazy about you?”
“Ha. Yeah and that you’d be popping the question tonight.”
He pulled her to a stop just short of the car. “I’m not joking, Kelli. Do you think I’d drop everything to visit just anybody? Don’t you know how much you mean to me?”
She stared into his eyes. “I might have an inkling.”
Her heart fluttered again. Maybe this impromptu visit was exactly what they needed.
KELLI AND MILES WALKED HAND IN HAND DOWN THE sidewalk toward one of her favorite pizza places in the Central West End. Every restaurant they passed looked lively, filled with people indoors and out.
“This area has a nice vibe,” Miles said. “And the weather tonight is perfect.”
They approached the outdoor hostess stand, and Kelli spotted her family waving them over. “There they are,” she said.
Everyone at the table rose, and Kelli took Miles around, introducing him to each.
“Nice to meet you all, finally,” he said. “Kelli has always had great things to say about her brothers.”
Cedric smiled. “Nice to meet you too. And welcome to St. Louis. Kelli says it’s your first time.”
“Believe it or not,” Miles said. “I’m looking forward to Kelli showing me the sights tomorrow.”
Kelli hid her reaction. Didn’t I say we’d talk about it?
As they all took their seats, Miles excused himself to find the restroom.
Kelli knew it was coming—the grilling.
“He thinks you’re sightseeing tomorrow?” Stephanie asked. “You haven’t told him you’re working on this album, have you . . . with your old flame?” She put her elbow on her chair and sat back. “Might be some fireworks this weekend. I’m . . . just . . . sayin’.”
“It won’t be a big deal. He knows Brian’s a thing of the past.”
“Mm-hmm,” Lindell said. “I’m not sure I know that, based on the two of you at church Sunday.”
“And don’t forget Six Flags,” Cedric said.
Kelli ignored them.
“So what’s up with dude hopping a plane to St. Louis last minute?” Cedric asked. “You really just found out he was coming this afternoon?”
Kelli nodded. “We’ve been talking about getting together. He said he realized this morning he didn’t have anything on his calendar past noon, so he checked getaway fares on Southwest and decided to come. But . . .” She lifted the water glass at her place setting. “I think it was spurred by the fact that he called while I was at Six Flags. Even asked who I was with.” She took a sip.
“Oh, really?” Stephanie cocked her head. “Did you name Brian?”
“I said a group of friends.”
Cedric chuckled. “Dude’s antenna went up. He’s checking up on you.”
“And staking a claim, I’d say,” Lindell said.
Cyd laughed. “You guys, cut it out. You’ve barely met the guy, and you think you’ve got him figured out.”
“So what’s the deal, Kel?” Cedric asked, looking to make sure Miles wasn’t near. “I know you’ve been with the guy awhile, but how special is he?”
“Very.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Brian’s not the only person who’ll ever be special in my life.”
Cedric looked incredulously at the others. “Did I say anything about Brian?”
“You implied it. Just give Miles a chance.”
Cedric lifted his hands, grinning. “Absolutely!” He leaned in closer. “He’s living right, though . . . right? ’Cause dude ain’t staying at the house otherwise. Cyd told me y’all talked about him taking the sleep sofa.”
“He didn’t mention booking a hotel, so I figure he needs a place to stay. And it’ll be fine. He knows the boundaries I’ve put up, and he’s always respected—”
Stephanie gave her a look, and Kelli clammed up.
Miles took the empty chair next to Kelli and pulled up to the table. Seeing their party complete, the server stopped to take their order. Miles bowed to the recommendations of the others as to which pizzas were good.
Cyd smiled at him when the server had gone. “So you grew up in Dallas, Miles?”
“Yes, in Plano. My parents both work for Texas Instruments, and I’ve followed in their footsteps, I guess.”
“Sounds great,” Cedric said. “What do you do for them?”
“Information systems. Your job sounds great too,” he added. “VP of an executive search firm? Hopefully I’ll move high enough up the ranks in corporate America to use your services one day.”
Cedric sipped his Coke. “I have no doubt.”
Miles turned to Kelli. “So you finished your first week on the job. Haven’t had a chance to ask how it went.”
“Real well. I love the project I’m working on, which happens to be for a ministry Cedric had a hand in starting.”
“And what’s the plan? You’ll keep looking for a real PR position while you’re doing that?”
Kelli’s brow wrinkled. “This is a real position, in communications.”
“Well, I mean it’s part-time, and it’s at a church . . . I’m assuming you still want a position at a boutique PR firm or corporation to start your career.”
“Actually, Miles,” Cedric said, “just so you know, Living Word is a church of thousands. Its ministries reach around the globe. The experience Kelli’s gaining there is a fabulous start to her career.”
“Sounds like a mini-corporation,” Miles said. “I didn’t realize it was that big.”
Even if it weren’t . . . Kelli chewed a piece of ice, slightly irked. She’d seen glimpses of this, Miles measuring a person’s worth based on his or her career, but he’d never done it to her. Maybe he just wanted the best for her, what he perceived to be the best anyway.
“Soooo, Miles,” Stephanie said, “what do you like to do in your spare time?”
“I’m an admitted workaholic, but when I can, I love to golf.”
Lindell leaned forward. “Seriously? I took it up last year. If you’re up for it, we can hit the links tomorrow while Kelli’s in the studi—ow!” He looked at Stephanie, who pretended she didn’t have a clue why.
Everyone but Miles was suddenly thirsty.
He looked at her. “That’s what you have to do tomorrow? Something in a studio? Is it job related?”
She set her glass down. “It’s . . . another project I’m working on. But I’ll definitely explain it all . . . later.” She smiled at him. “Promise.”
KELLI AND CYD STOOD ON EITHER SIDE OF THE SLEEP sofa mattress, tucking their ends of the blanket. Cyd placed a pillow at the head of the bed.
“I’ve got another blanket if you need it,” Cyd said. “Even when we adjust the A/C, it seems to stay cold in here—Reese, get down.” Cyd nudged her off the mattress. “Oh, and I put towels in that chair for you.”
“Everything is perfect,” Miles said. “You’ve gone above and beyond with the hospitality”—he cast a playful glance at Kelli— “especially given this was last minute. Thank you.”
“No problem at all,” Cyd said. “And you’re welcome.”
Cedric spoke up. “There’s a caveat to all this, though.”
Kelli shot a don’t-embarrass-me look at her brother.
Cedric tipped his head toward the family room doorway. “Those stairs that lead to Kelli’s bedroom? They creak. Loudly.”
Cyd pushed him toward those stairs. “Come on, Mr. London.” She smiled over her shoulder. “Good night, you two.”
Kelli heard him mumble, “Just kidding,” as they went out the door.
After they’d gone upstairs, she sat on the love seat and took a breath. “So, I said we’d talk later about tomorrow.”
Miles joined her. “I was starting to think it was a big mystery. What’s the deal with you and the studio?”
“I’m working on an album project, collaborating on some songs.”
His surprise showed in his hesitation. “Collaborating how? Like . . . writing?”
“Writing and also singing.”
“When did you get interested in music? I’ve never heard you talk about writing songs. For that matter, I’ve never heard you sing.”
She almost felt guilty. She never intended to lock away the deep things of her heart from Miles. She was simply avoiding them altogether. “I actually started writing songs in high school. Sang in the church choir too. But in college I put music aside.” She shrugged, hoping that would make it no big deal.
He looked intently at her, clearly pondering. “And in the short time you’ve been back in St. Louis, you’ve suddenly jumped into an album project? That’s huge. How did it happen? And why am I just now hearing about it?”
She sighed inside. Such fat open-ended questions that made it next to impossible to avoid the word Brian. “Well . . . a little hard to explain . . . The opportunity came about because of Brian. He’s the one I’m working with.”
“I knew you were spending time with him, your . . . high-school sweetheart.”
“I never called him that.”
“That’s what he was, wasn’t he?”
“We were friends—”
“Who dated.”
“Eons ago. Now we’re just working together on a limited basis.”
“I must be missing something.” He stroked his chin. “How are you two working on an album? Is he a producer? A singer?”
“He’s a Christian rapper.”
“A rapper? You can’t be serious.”
Kelli wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she didn’t like it. Now that she’d been working with Brian, she saw firsthand the depth of ministry he poured into it. Was Miles minimizing that?
“Christian rapper. The lyrics are all about the Gospel, our relationship with Jesus, how to live out the Word of God.”
“Okay, whatever . . .”
Whatever?
“So you’re helping him write his raps or what? Are you rapping too?”
“I’m writing the chorus part of the songs—the ‘hook’—and singing it as well.”
“Sounds like you two are Sonny and Cher.”
“Miles, I know you may not get what we’re doing, and I do apologize for not telling you sooner, but this has become an important work to me.” She hadn’t realized how important until the words came out of her mouth. “We’re under a deadline and need to work tomorrow.”
He retreated into his thoughts. Then, “Why do I feel I’m being played for a fool? You’ve been working with your old boyfriend all this time but haven’t told me. And I’ll bet you’ve been doing more than work. You were at Six Flags together, weren’t you?”
“He was among the group of friends, yes.”
“You’re falling for him again.”
“No, I’m not. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d think there was more to it than there is.”
Miles stared at her. “I hope you’re being straight with me, Kelli. Because if you want to be with Brian, just tell me and I’ll back away.”
Kelli held his gaze. “I don’t want to be with Brian, Miles. I’m here with you. I’m right where I want to be.”