twenty-eight
KELLI WANTED TO BE UNDERSTANDING, BUT SHE WAS finding it really hard. Her nerves were frayed, stomach jumpy, same thoughts moving in circles—all because Miles had changed his flight so he could spend more time with her. They were on their way to church.
How could he do this again, just make plans without consulting her?
“Is that the church?” Miles stared ahead. “That’s a huge complex.”
“It’s grown over the years.” She pulled into the parking lot, then waited as a policeman directed traffic. “But there are lots of huge churches in Dallas, aren’t there?”
“True, but it’s not like I visit them. We’ve never been big churchgoers in my family.”
She looked at him. “So . . . you just read the Bible on your own, then?”
Miles shrugged. “Not really. Why?”
“Just wondering.”
When she got the go-ahead, she found a parking spot, and they got out. Kelli led the way to the building, fighting for a better attitude. Of course he’d want to take a later flight. They hadn’t spent much time together yesterday. But that always brought her back to her original vexation, that he should have called before he made plans in the first place.
Stop rehashing, Kelli. You said you were glad he was here. And she was. She just didn’t want him to be here at Living Word.
They walked inside, through several pockets of conversation, Kelli greeting a couple of people she knew. As they rounded the bend, she saw it, just outside the usual sanctuary door—the very thing she didn’t want to happen. Her family was talking to Brian.
She wanted to duck inside a different set of doors, but it was too late. Miles had already begun walking directly to them. He gave polite hugs to Cyd and Stephanie and shook hands with Cedric and Lindell. Then his hand went to the only other guy remaining.
“Hello. Miles Reed.”
Brian shook his hand. “Good to meet you, Miles. I’m Brian Howard.”
Kelli saw the name register. Miles nodded, letting loose his hand.
She made eye contact with Brian, who acknowledged her, then looked away.
Cedric took Cyd’s hand and moved to the door. “We should go in.”
As they filed in, Stephanie tapped Kelli and motioned for her to look behind them. Brian was headed to the far side of the sanctuary, back to his old seat.
A little farther down the aisle, Cyd stopped in her tracks. “Is that Hayes?”
“Oh my goodness.” Stephanie shielded her eyes to see better, as if the sun were shining. “Phyllis didn’t mention he was coming?”
“Knowing Hayes, he decided last minute.”
They continued to the pew as the congregation stood for praise and worship. Cedric and Lindell greeted Hayes with warm handshakes, Stephanie and Cyd with big hugs. Kelli shook his hand. “It’s nice to see you here,” she said.
Hayes gave a thoughtful nod. “It’s good to be here.”
Phyllis was hugging her friends, and Kelli was sure she had lots she wanted to say. For now, she simply smiled.
Kelli hurriedly introduced Miles to Phyllis and Hayes, then to Dana and Scott. Then she closed her eyes and did her best to focus on worshipping God as a bevy of emotions knocked around inside.
What is wrong with me, Lord? Why am I reacting this way to Miles being here? Help me feel good about it. I pray he gets something out of the service. And Hayes too.
Miles leaned over during announcements. “So that was your old boyfriend?”
Kelli gave a faint nod.
“What’s up with him wearing jeans to church?”
The question threw her. She looked around. “Miles, there are lots of people wearing jeans.” She saw no need to tell him Brian was serving at the youth picnic after church.
“I have to admit something to you.”
Kelli leaned closer to him.
“I figured Brian was with you at Six Flags, and I got a little jealous, knowing you were near him again. That’s what prompted me to come.” He paused. “That’s also why I wanted to come to church with you, since you mentioned he was a member. You had told me he was into science, so I pictured this dapper guy on his way to making a name for himself.”
Kelli bit her tongue. The “better attitude” was growing more elusive.
“But now that I’ve seen him and know he’s a rapper?” He made a face. “I’m no longer worried.”
She swallowed hard, glad the choir gave her an escape as she turned his words over in her head. Miles’s measuring worth by one’s career again was bad enough, but it was more than that. It was the reaction she felt deep within, wanting to defend Brian.
“Actually,” she said, unable to bite her tongue, “he’s still into science. The jeans are probably more a part of who he is as a lab guy than a rap guy. He’s in a biochem PhD program at Wash U.”
Miles took that in. “Oh.”
Much as she tried to focus on the sermon, Kelli couldn’t stop thinking about Miles—and Hayes. She stole a couple of glances at Hayes, thinking about things she’d heard Phyllis say, how she’d been praying for him for years. Is that the sort of future she wanted with Miles? Praying for him to have a serious relationship with God? To have a real desire to come to church?
The more she thought about it, the clearer her thoughts became. She would pray for Miles, that this sermon would speak to him, that he’d find a church home in Dallas. But she needed to pray also for the words to tell him that this would be the last weekend they’d ever spend together.
As the choir sang the last song, Kelli pulled her purse into her lap and eased her hand inside. She was becoming a pro at clandestine texting. Seconds later she had a reply, just as the service ended.
As they made their way into the aisle, Kelli saw Phyllis and Hayes head to the front, where Pastor Lyles was talking with people. Moments later Pastor Lyles led them off to the side, their heads close together.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Cedric said. “God is good.”
Cyd and Dana both looked ahead. “Seven years of DF prayers,” Cyd said.
“How often did we pray for that picture,” Dana asked, “for Hayes to be willing to talk to Pastor Lyles?”
The pews were clearing, and their group began moving up the aisle. Kelli spoke with Cedric a moment, then turned to Miles. “We need to talk.”
“Here? Can’t we talk on the way to the airport?”
“I don’t see any reason to delay this.” She directed him to an empty pew.
Miles sat, his eyes on Kelli. “I don’t like the way this is sounding.”
Kelli gazed downward, searching for words. “You’ve been a special part of my life, Miles . . .” She brought her eyes to his. “But it’s suddenly clear to me that we don’t have a lot in common anymore. I wanted to believe we could deepen our relationship, but I honestly just can’t see it. And I don’t want to pretend with you. I’m sorry.”
He said nothing for long seconds. “Well, this is a first. Don’t think anyone’s ever broken up with me in church. It’s about Brian after all, isn’t it?”
“No, Miles, it’s not. It’s about you and me.”
He blew out a sigh. “I came all this way to spend time with you, for you to dump me?”
She gave him a knowing eye. “Actually, you came all this way to check up on me. But it worked out for the best.” She touched his hand. “I don’t see it as dumping you, Miles. You’re still my friend. We just don’t need to fool ourselves into thinking it can be more.”
“‘We can still be friends.’” He shook his head, moving his hand. “That’s classic, Kelli.”
“I meant it, Miles.”
“Yeah. Okay.” He stood. “So we get to ride to the airport as ‘friends’?”
Kelli stood as well. “Actually, I asked Cedric if he and Cyd could take you. They’re waiting in the foyer and can get your bag out of my car. If you don’t mind.”
He hesitated, taking her in. “I prefer it, actually. Take care, Kelli.” He started up the aisle without her.
Kelli noticed the pastor, Hayes, and Phyllis still talking in hushed tones. She looked upward, sighing thanks. The conversation with Miles wasn’t easy, but it would’ve only gotten harder with time. She headed to the café area, which was brimming with people enjoying coffee, tea, and fellowship between services. Brian sat at a tall pedestal table, talking with a guy who’d walked up beside him. Kelli slid into the seat on the other side, waiting for them to finish. When they were done, Brian turned to her.
“I was surprised to get your text.”
“Why?” She knew why, but she felt like fishing.
“I thought you and Romeo—”
“Miles.”
“—would have plans after church.”
“He had to catch his flight.”
Brian gave a shrug of a nod. “So why’d you want to see me?”
“To give you an invitation.”
He glanced at her hands, looking for a piece of paper. “To what?”
“To sit with us each week. I . . .” Where did the sudden emotion come from? “I don’t want you to have to sit alone.”
“I appreciate the invite, but what would Ro—uh, Miles think about that?”
“Does it matter?”
Brian simply looked at her.
“I broke up with him. Okay?”
He came forward on his elbows. “And you’re telling me, as if it’s my business?”
Kelli took a napkin from the table, balled it up, and threw it at him. It sailed far right.
“You never were a good shot.”
“You make me sick.”
Brian smiled, his eyes penetrating. “I know.”
She stared at him a second, memories flooding her soul. She brushed them aside. “So you’ve got the youth picnic after second service?”
“Yeah, should be fun. We’ve got lots of games set up outside.” His brow crinkled as if an idea hit him. “You should join us.”
Kelli narrowed her eyes. “Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know . . . just broke up with your boyfriend, might be a little shaken. Some fun and games would do you good.”
“Are you trying to be funny?” Kelli felt nowhere near shaken by the breakup, and she was fairly certain Brian knew that.
“Nope, not trying to be funny at all . . . although . . . it might be true that I’m looking for an excuse to get you to hang with me today.”
She couldn’t hide the smile in her heart. “You don’t need an excuse, Brian. I actually think it’d be fun. I just need to go home and change.”
“How about I treat you to breakfast first . . . which was where I was headed anyway, because I’m starving.”
She twisted her mouth as she considered. “Pancake house?”
“Where else? I can drive and bring you back.”
Kelli followed him to his car. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked me what happened.”
“With what?”
“Me and Miles.”
He glanced at her. “Would you have told me?”
“Probably not.”
He opened her door, and when she got in, he looked down at her. “Is it important?”
“Not really.”
He walked around to the driver’s side and got in. “Kel, all I really care about is that we’re forming a real friendship.” He started the engine, then looked at her. “Or am I assuming too much again?”
She returned his gaze, but barely . . . afraid what her own might reveal. “No. You’re not assuming too much.”