I didn’t feel like staying, but I also didn’t want to go home. It felt like once I left here, that would be the beginning of our end.
I burrowed under the covers, bringing them all the way up to my ears. Then I turned my back on Jackson, curling into a little ball so I’d stay warm. Without his arms around me, I’d be cold tonight.
Then with tears prickling my eyes, I drifted off to sleep.
Hours later, in the dead of night, I woke up cold and alone.
“Jackson?” I sat up in bed, swinging the covers off my legs.
He wasn’t in bed or in the bathroom, so I got up and pulled on a sweatshirt to go searching. His hushed voice came from the living room and it sounded like he was on the phone, but I hadn’t heard it ring.
By the time I made it to the bedroom door, the front door opened and closed. I hurried down the hallway toward the living room but was too late. I walked to the front window just in time to see Jackson’s truck pulling out of his driveway. It had started snowing and his headlights illuminated the flakes as he backed onto the road and drove away.
Was something wrong? Was it Thea or Hazel? Rushing back to the bedroom, I swiped my phone from the nightstand. My finger hovered over his name, ready to call, but I stopped.
If he’d wanted to share, he would have told me. He would have woken me up before he disappeared in the middle of the night.
His silence was just another rejection. It was another dagger to my heart.
I clutched my phone to my chest and crawled back in bed, hoping he’d call.
He didn’t.
Three hours and seven minutes later, I heard his truck pull back into the drive. Then a few moments later, the front door opened and closed. He stomped his boots and thudded down the hallway.
I kept my eyes closed and stayed curled into my little ball, pretending to be asleep. My body was perfectly still as I listened to him strip off his clothes. The entire time I wished he’d say something and explain where he’d been.
He didn’t.
He finished undressing, crawled into bed and passed out.
When he began snoring, I rolled over to study his face. As I leaned closer, a heartbreaking smell filled my nose.
My boyfriend had left me alone in his bed only to come back hours later smelling like tequila and women’s perfume.
“Ryder, what would you like to drink?” Betty asked as she opened the refrigerator in her kitchen. “I’ve got apple juice, milk, water, lemonade and SunnyD. That was Willa’s favorite when she was your age. Oh, and Nate bought a case of Sprite because he is trying to give up Coke. Don’t ask me how trading one soda for another will help him quit the former because his reasoning makes no sense.”
“It makes perfect sense,” Nate said, walking into the kitchen. “I don’t like Sprite.”
“See?” Betty winked at my brother. “No sense.”
Ryder laughed. “I’ll try the SunnyD.”
“You got it. Jackson, what would you like?”
“Water, please.”
Betty nodded. “You guys make yourselves at home. I’ll get your drinks and come find you.”
“Can I help cook?” Ryder asked her. “Willa’s been teaching me.”
“A young chef. I like it.” Betty smiled as she filled a glass with ice. “Yes, you can help. You can help Willa peel the sweet potatoes.”
I glanced over at Willa at the sink. The moment we’d walked into the house, she’d gone right for the kitchen, practically ripping the potato peeler out of her mom’s hand to take over.
She looked over her shoulder at me, then turned her eyes down. She’d barely made eye contact with me over the last week. And whenever she did look at me, the pain in her eyes nearly broke me apart.
It was Thanksgiving and we were spending it with her family. Two months ago, I would have looked forward to a day at Nate and Betty’s place, eating a big meal. Maybe watching some football.
But now, I was coming out of my skin.
The last place I wanted to be was with Willa’s family. I didn’t want Ryder bonding with them. I didn’t want Nate and Betty to think this would be a new tradition.
This would be the one and only holiday he or I spent with the Doons.
The time for my inevitable split with Willa was here.
I should have cut her free sooner, but I’d been a coward. A big dumb coward. I hadn’t been able to walk away from her, because I wanted her too much. I needed her too much.
She kept me calm and collected. She’d been the one to keep me sane as I’d tried to fit Ryder into my life. Being the selfish asshole that I was, I’d clung to her because I needed her, and in the process, I’d let her get in too deep.
She was in love with me.
Somehow, I’d fooled her into thinking I was the kind of man she should love.
The night she’d asked me if I loved her, I should have ended it. I should have climbed out of her bed and walked away. But did I do the right thing? No, I’d just kept holding on, and in the process, I was hurting her. I told myself it would be just one more night. One more kiss on her hair. One more time to hold her in my arms.
One more time, then I’d let her go.
Except I still hadn’t worked up the nerve to say good-bye. I’d held on too long and now I was here with her family, getting ready to eat a turkey dinner that I sure as fuck didn’t deserve.
“So what do you normally do for Thanksgiving, Jackson?” Betty asked as she handed me my water.
“Thank you.” I forced a smile. “Normally I spend it with Hazel and Thea at the cottage.”
“Ahh. And where are they this year?”
“At Thea and Logan’s new place.”
They’d invited Ryder and me to come over, but Nate and Betty had already planned on having us here. Besides that, I couldn’t be around Thea and Logan right now. They were too happy.
Thea had announced this week that she was pregnant. She and Logan were over the moon to be having a baby and Charlie was thrilled to be a big sister.
I was glad for them, but it was more change. I suspected Thea would eventually quit the bar—her husband was a billionaire so she didn’t need to work. They’d have more kids and get on with their lives. I wouldn’t be surprised if they moved to New York one day.
Sooner or later, everyone leaves.
I watched Willa as she worked on the potatoes. Her long, beautiful hair was streaming down her back. She’d spent time curling it this morning, something she didn’t do that often, but I loved it when she did. She’d tamed the natural waves into these perfect swirls and the tips swished delicately at her waist.
I wanted to walk over, pull her into my arms and take a deep breath of that hair. I wanted to pull in the smell, just one more time. Instead, I shied toward the back wall of the kitchen, getting as far away from her as the room would allow.
Willa hadn’t stayed a night at my house for the last week, not since I’d gotten that late-night phone call to come down to the bar. Not since I’d made one of the biggest fucking mistakes of my life.
I missed her in my bed. It wouldn’t be the same without her.
Ryder said something to Willa as they peeled potatoes side by side and it made her smile.
That smile was sheer agony.
I was going to miss her so damn much, and I knew nothing would ever fill that void.
I’d never forget the musical sound of her laugh. I’d never forget those silly words she’d make up or the breakfasts she’d cooked me in her apartment.
I’d never forget the way it felt to have her in my arms as she drifted off to sleep.
“Well, I’d better go out and check my fryer,” Nate said, popping the top on a can of Sprite. He took a sip and grimaced. “Jackson, feel like some fresh air?”
“Sure.” Fresh air and some distance from Willa sounded like a great idea. I pushed off the wall and followed him to the back deck.
“Have you ever deep-fried a turkey?” Nate stepped through the sliding door and into the cold.
“I haven’t. Thea always makes them in the oven.”
“We normally do too, but I’ve been wanting to try this for years now. Betty made us do a test run a couple of weeks ago just to make sure I knew what I was doing. Dang, it’s good. This will be the best bird you’ve ever had in your life.”