“My options are limited. I don’t want to take a job where they’d be counting on me to work for longer than a few months. So it doesn’t leave much. I was thinking maybe seasonal holiday work. I bet I could find something at the mall for Christmas.”
Though I doubted I’d be all that good in a retail shop. I wasn’t exactly the outgoing salesperson type. But a holiday job would get me through January. Then I’d only have a few months to wait until things picked back up at the camp.
“I don’t know.” I picked at the crust of my sandwich. “I’ll start looking and see what’s open.”
Footsteps echoed down the empty hallway, and out of habit, Dad and I both turned to stare at the door.
When Jackson passed by with an angry scowl on his face, I nearly fell out of my seat. What was he doing at school? Was there a problem with Ryder?
Before I flew out of my chair, Dad was off his, walking to the door to call Jackson into his classroom.
Jackson followed Dad into the room, looking tired and worried. The moment he saw me, a smile tugged at his lips, but then it fell.
That’s what always happened. It was like he forgot for a second to be disappointed with my presence.
My goodness, it hurt.
“Hi.” I waved, not getting up.
“Hey.” He came over and bent to kiss me on the cheek.
He hadn’t kissed me on the lips since the night I’d asked him if he loved me, not even when we were in bed together. He kissed me everywhere else—the forehead, my neck, on top of my hair—but not the lips.
Every kiss on the cheek made my heart sink. It put more distance between us. He was standing right by my side, but he might as well be orbiting around a different sun.
All because I’d asked him one silly question.
Do you love me?
No. No, he did not.
And pathetic, stupid, na?ve me didn’t care. I stayed with him anyway.
“So what brings you here?” Dad asked Jackson, though he was staring at me. The worry on his face made my heart ache even more.
Jackson rubbed his jaw and sighed. “Had a meeting with Ryder’s teachers.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“No. He’s behind the other kids. They said we need to start thinking about holding him back a grade.”
“What?” I gasped. “But it’s only November. The school year’s not even halfway over yet. Why would they want to talk about that now?” My last question was aimed at Dad.
“How far behind is he?” Dad asked Jackson.
“Far enough that they don’t think there’s any way to catch up.”
“Sorry,” Dad said. “I didn’t realize.”
How would he? He wasn’t Ryder’s teacher; otherwise he would have given us a heads-up much sooner.
“Is there anything we can do?” I asked.
“No.” Jackson sighed. “There’s nothing I can do.”
I said we. He said I.
“Tutoring,” Dad suggested. “One-on-one help makes a big difference. It might get him caught up enough to at least be able to stay in the right grade. He probably won’t get perfect grades, but at least he won’t fall behind. And if you keep it up, maybe by the time he gets to high school, he’ll be on the right track.”
“I’m no tutor.” Jackson shook his head. “I barely passed school myself.”
“I could tutor him.” My eyes met Dad’s, a grin playing on his face. He was already five steps ahead of me.
Maybe I wouldn’t need that job in Kalispell. I loved spending time with Ryder and it would give me something to do. It was perfect.
Except Jackson shut me down. “Nah. You’re busy. I’ll just see if Hazel or Thea could help.”
My shoulders fell. He knew I wasn’t busy and he knew I would love to help Ryder. But he wasn’t even going to let me do that.
The writing was all over the chalkboard. Jackson was pulling away from me before he made the clean break. He didn’t want me tutoring his brother because he had no plans to keep me around.
“Well, that’s probably for the best anyway, Willa,” Dad said. “You can’t be tutoring Ryder if you’re going to get a job in Kalispell.”
“What?” Jackson’s eyes snapped to mine. “You’re getting a job in Kalispell?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“It’s winter.” He planted his hands on his hips. “As soon as the snow sticks, the roads will be shit. You’re not driving up there every day.”
This man confused me to death. He didn’t want me around, but he didn’t want me to drive to Kalispell for a job to keep me occupied.
“Then I guess you’ll have time to tutor Ryder,” Dad said, trying not to smile.
Jackson dropped his gaze to the piece of paper in his hands. It looked to be some sort of report card. After a heavy sigh, he nodded and handed it over. “Fine. Let me talk to Ryder after school and tell him what’s up.”
“Okay.” I took the paper, seeing a list of Ryder’s classes with his grades next to each. Every single one was an F.
“I gotta go.” He turned around and took two steps but then stopped. He came back, gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, then waved to Dad. “Later, Nate.”
“Bye, Jackson.” Dad waved back.
Neither Dad nor I spoke as Jackson’s boots echoed down the hallway.
“I’m losing him,” I whispered. “He’s just . . . drifting away.”
Dad reached across the table to place his hand over mine. “Then pull him back.”
My chin quivered. “I don’t know how.”
“Talk to him. Don’t just let him drift away. If your relationship is going to end, you deserve to know why. Stand up for yourself, honey.”
“You know I’m not good at that.”
Dad patted my hand. “I think you’re a lot better at confrontation than you think. You just choose your battles.”
I didn’t want to fight this battle, because I wouldn’t win.
Jackson had all the weapons. He held my heart in the palm of his hand.
How was I supposed to fight? I couldn’t demand that he fall in love with me. I couldn’t make him feel those things.
When we ended, I’d be shattered. My life would be forever changed. I couldn’t stay in Lark Cove without him, not with memories of us together around every corner. I’d end up leaving my beloved camp. My parents. My home.
Everything.
“Do you have dinner with the girls tonight?” Dad asked, always knowing when to change the subject.
Though that topic wasn’t much better.
“No, not tonight. June and I are kind of fighting. And you know Hannah, she always takes June’s side.”
Dad nodded. “And Leighton always takes yours.”
“Yeah.”
I hadn’t called June or Hannah since the night at the diner two weeks ago. I would eventually—we’d been friends too long to just throw it all away—but I wasn’t quite ready yet. And I didn’t know how I’d face them if they ended up being right about Jackson.
“What happened with you girls?” Dad asked.
I gave him a sad smile. “I stood up for myself.”
And look where it had gotten me.
“So how did Ryder take it?” I asked Jackson later that night.
We were lying in his bed, him on his side, me on mine. It was another thing that had changed these last two weeks.
There was no more spooning.
“About as well as you’d think,” Jackson muttered. “He doesn’t want to get held back.”
“He’s smart. We’ll get him caught up.”
“We might not,” he said. “The fact is, Mom was too busy dragging him all over the country to worry about keeping him in school. He might have to repeat this year. So don’t promise him something that might not happen.”
“Okay,” I whispered, wounded by his sharp tone.
A chill settled into the bed as silence consumed the room. I’d never wanted to escape Jackson’s bed before, but right now, I just wanted to go home and cry.
“I think I’m going to go.” I sat up, ready to run away, but Jackson grabbed my shoulder, forcing it down and back into the mattress. It was the first time he’d touched me since I’d come over after dinner.
“Stay.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . let’s get some sleep.”
It was only nine o’clock. Jackson was a night owl, so nine o’clock to him was like five o’clock to others. We’d never gone to bed this early, which showed me just how much he wanted to avoid any sort of conversation.
“Fine.” I settled back into my pillow.