Sorry to ask. My car is dead. Can I ride with u to Arlis tomorrow?
I had waited, feeling scared that he wouldn’t answer just like last time. Instead, I got an immediate response.
Ok. Pick you up at 8.
He had said yes. Part of me had wanted to jump up and down. Jess had answered yes, but the revelation also meant I had to see him in person. Part of me had wanted to crawl under the covers and not come out. I finally had some form of communication with Jess after three horrible months. Actually, three months since he had walked out of my apartment and a little over four since he had left me at Rochellas. I was nervous. I was scared to see him.
I sat down on the couch to wait, drinking my stupid decaf coffee. I had packed my suitcase last night so he wouldn’t have to wait on me this morning. Now, I was stuck waiting on him with only my thoughts to entertain me. I took a deep breath; counted to five and let it out. I did it over and over again. Jess knocked a little after eight. Getting up from the couch, I went to the door. My hand shook as I turned the knob.
“Hey,” I muttered.
“Hey.”
He didn’t smile and neither did I. Jess wore a blue plaid, pearl-snap shirt that fit snug against his chest. In that instance, I regretted not changing like Sadie suggested. Jess avoided my gaze and looked past me for the familiar brown suitcase. He walked through the door unannounced while my fingers clenched the knob for moral support. In one swoop, he took my bag and left the apartment.
His eyes barely touched me as I stood in the doorway. Following him down the stairs, I knew the memories of my indiscretions were still visible in his mind. Jess could not bear to look at me. Instead of gangly Alex wearing the extra-large Black Keys t-shirt, he saw that strung-out girl in the red dress with Dutch.
I stared at the cab door for a moment before climbing inside the truck. I shut the door, feeling uncomfortable after riding hundreds of times in this seat. This was going to bad; three hours of gut wrenching silence. I stole a few glances in his direction. He looked as bad as me with dark circles under his blues eyes. I think Jess lost some weight too. His cheek bones stuck out and his chin was a little more cut.
We got on the interstate. I pressed my body tight against the passenger door, wishing to fade into the tan exterior. It was eerie quiet in the truck. I fell into a hypnotic trance as I watched the white line on the side of the road.
About half way there, I looked at Jess, seeing his jaw clenched tight and his knuckles white on the steering wheel. In a brave attempt to break the silence, I spoke with a small, hesitant voice like a child asking permission. “Can I turn on the radio?”
I asked but didn’t dare reach for the dial. His tense composure offered no response while his hand flipped on the stereo from the steering wheel. He let the channel stay on one of the many programmed country stations. I rested my head against the window, feeling the awkward tension suck the air from the tiny space.
My mind flashed back to all the times we had bickered over the radio station and who was in control. I felt a rush of sadness; I deserved every painful piece of this trip. Closing my eyes to keep from crying, I listened to the words filling the cab; a Brad Paisley song was better than the suffocating silence.
The ceremony was a beautiful display of fall flowers that covered the grounds of Sprayberry. My father carried a blissful look, absent since the days before Arlis. Caroline floated around with a huge smile as she talked to the guests. Their happiness radiated out to everyone, giving me an inner peace toward my father. I dabbed a small tear in the corner of my eye. His days alone in the old farmhouse ended today.
I pretended to mingle amongst the familiar faces, keeping a sharp eye out for his dark hair. My rounds eventually made it over to the Masons. Jess wasn’t with them.
“I am so happy for your father, Alexandra.” Mrs. Mason’s diamond-glittered hand took mine as she leaned forward with her light pink, glossed lips to kiss me on the cheek.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You also look beautiful today, dear.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” I had let Sadie pick out an orangey red, satin dress the color of fall. At least this time she remembered I was about six inches taller than her short frame. My one shoulder dress ended at a very modest point on the cusp of my knee.
“We heard you had a car situation.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t worry, dear. We can take care of it. It’s time you drove something more suitable anyway.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Mason.”
“You are very welcome, Alexandra.”
I no longer possessed the energy to grumble at the never-ending story. I’m surprised she lasted this long; not Chigger, but the ever so helpful Mrs. Mason on buying me a new car.
We parted ways, and I mingled through the crowd in search of my father. Every so many feet, someone latched on for a chit chat. They must have invited the whole damn town. Plump Mrs. Landry remarked I was wasting away like a wisp of grass. Ms. Virginia Abbot, sporting a gray bun, squeezed a tight hug, and then pinched my cheeks with a piercing comment about all that food I was eating in Austin. I loved that smashing another adult’s face, while criticizing, was deemed socially acceptable at a wedding.
Mrs. Crawford, who always wore three strands of pearls, seemed generally concerned I would never find a husband in that city. She clucked her tongue about wasting time because I wasn't getting any younger. Meanwhile, Ms. Sara Beth Nelson asked when Jess and I would be expecting our first child. She just couldn’t wait to see little ones again at Sprayberry.
I smiled politely with a yes, ma’am and thank, you ma’am around each kind, meddling woman; never bothering to correct or appear offended. Bless their dear, old, demented hearts. Never depend on Arlis for a dose of self-confidence. I was both too thin and too fat, while gallivanting around as an old spinster at twenty, who apparently married Jess when I was sixteen.
If they only knew the truth of my actions the past few months. Those bright red lips would spread every juicy bit of gossip about that no good Tanner girl, who was involved in drugs and wild sex, while breaking the heart of Arlis royalty. Afterwards, those women would line up with oak switches, aimed at my ass, and then they would drag me by my ear to the front pew for a heavy prayer session.
I let out a deep sigh of contemplation and then continued to search for my father and Caroline. I wanted to give one last hug before they headed to Galveston. The Masons had gifted a ten-day cruise as a wedding present.
I walked past Skeeter Rawlins, giving his new appearance a double take. He sat next to Uncle Frank, wearing a manicured beard and new haircut. His clear, green eyes smiled back in acknowledgement. Well I'll be damned. Skeeter looked like a whole new person in his white button-up shirt and red tie.
“Hey, Dad.” I found him enjoying a second piece of lemon-filled wedding cake.
“Hey, Pumpkin. Something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted to say goodbye now instead of later. You know how it gets when you let them have birdseed.” I smiled.
“Pretty crazy,” he chuckled.
“I wanted you to know. I really am happy for you.”
“I know you are.” He hesitated, staring into my gaunt, hollow eyes. “I’m worried. I’ve known something has been wrong. Whatever happened between you and Jess, you should try to fix it.”
“It's not that simple. I um, did something. It’s my fault, and he doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know if it can be fixed.”
“Nothing is beyond repair if you really want it bad enough. Have you apologized?”