Sex is a game changer, even when you’re not the one having it.
I bolted up and looked at the clock. It was only 5 pm. People don’t have sex at 5 o’clock in the evening. That’s dinner time. They wait until it’s good and dark. I knew that was stupid and not true, but it calmed me somewhat knowing I had time to shut down Beth’s sex dinner.
I hurried out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I washed my face free of the tear streaks, put some mascara on, and a little lip gloss. I was out the back door in a flash. I walked to the fence that separated our backyard from the Stewart’s. I could see Noah through the window. He was pacing back and forth talking on his cellphone. There was a strange look on his face that I couldn’t read. He ran his free hand through his hair a couple of times as he looked out the window at nothing in particular. He didn’t notice me staring at him, he was too focused on his phone call.
I jumped the fence and ran up to the Stewart’s back door. It was unlocked as usual, so I let myself in as usual. Noah was standing in the family room, talking. “Alright. I will. I know.” He sounded irritated at whoever was on the other end of the phone. My guess was Beth. He looked at me, flashed a quick smile in my direction. “I need to go.” He ended the call without saying goodbye.
“Hey Tweet.” He tried to sound cheerful.
“Hey, hey, hey.” I tried to match his cheerful sound.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yep.” I popped the p when I said it. I was waiting for him to bring up the subject.
I walked over to behind the sofa and leaned back on it. “What’cha want to do tonight? Since both our parents our gone for the weekend, the world is our oyster. We can hang out the whole time.” I took my cellphone out of my pocket and scrolled through my numbers. “Pepperoni with extra cheese good for you?”
“What?” It looked as if my question startled him.
“On our pizza. Pepperoni and extra cheese?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
I pressed the number and brought the phone to my ear.
Noah rubbed the back of his neck a few times before interrupting my call. “Um… Tweet… I kind of have plans tonight.”
“What kind of plans?” I asked innocently, as I put my phone away.
There was a pause that felt like it lasted a year and a half. Noah was standing a few feet away from me, arms crossed over his chest, looking down at a spot on the floor.
“I sort of have a date,” he said in a low voice.
“A date? With who?”
He looked at me through his long dark lashes. A smirk played across his face. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Play dumb. You’re no good at it. Besides, I just got off the phone with Beth.”
“Did ya now? Are you referring to your girlfriend, Beth?” I tried not to sound sarcastic, but I wasn’t very successful.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it,” he said, sheepishly.
“So talk.”
Noah motioned for me to sit on the sofa. I shook my head. I didn’t want to sit and relax. I wanted to stay standing in case running was in my near future. We both stayed in our spots.
“I don’t know where to start,” he said.
“How about where you lied to me.”
“I’ve never lied to you.”
“Lie of omission! That’s just as bad.”
He shook his head, “Look, I know you’re upset.”
“GENIUS!” I threw my arms up in the air.
“Would you please shut your mouth and listen for five seconds. It’s not a big deal.”
“What’s not a big deal?”
“This thing with Beth. It’s...,” he ran his hand up and down his face in frustration. “No matter what I say, I’m going to sound like the biggest dick in the world. I already know that, so keep your smartass comments to yourself,” he paused. “This thing with Beth is just convenient.”
My eyebrows and the pitch of my voice both shot up when I said, “Convenient?”
“Yeah. We’ve known each other for a long time. I knew she wanted something to happen between us.”
Just hearing those words coming out of his mouth made my stomach churn. “Why was I kept in the dark about this?”
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “The same reason why I never want you to know when I go out with a girl. Because I feel like I’m cheating on you, which is f*cking ridiculous because we’re not even together in the first place,” he said, as he let out a frustrated growl.
“Why her?”
“Because I didn’t have to work for it.”
“She thinks she’s in love with you, you know.”
Noah closed his eyes and tilted his head back towards the ceiling. As he straightened his neck, he looked at me. The pain and longing in his eyes made me ache.
“I’ll handle things with Beth,” he sighed heavily. “I don’t love her. You know that, right?” It sounded like he was pleading with me to believe him.
“What are you going to say to her?” I asked.
“I guess I’ll let her know I don’t feel the same way about her. That I never meant to lead her on. I’m not looking for anything permanent. If she’s okay with that, we can continue on.”
“What do you mean continue on?”
Noah let out another growl. He had one hand on the wall bracing himself while the other hand rested on his hip. “I have needs,” he said quietly.
“Needs? What kind of needs?”
“The kind a young man has.” Confusion plastered across my face. He looked over at me and waited a moment for it to register before becoming impatient. “I need to get laid.”
“You need to get laid?” My tone was condescending.
“I do.”
“You’re saying if she’s okay with your terms then you’ll f*ck her?”
“Yes.” He was grinding his teeth as his jaw began to twitch. I could see the anger change the stance of his body.
At that moment I became a complete mute. I didn’t know what to say. A thousand words ran through my head, but only one made its way out of my mouth. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he asked.
“Don’t have sex with Beth. Don’t date Beth.”
We stood, facing each other, staring, neither one of us wanting to be the first to blink. It looked like a western standoff.
“I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation.” He was getting angrier. “What difference does it make to you? You made your choice. You and I are just friends.” He spit venom with his last sentence.
“Just friends? Don’t say it like that,” I whispered.
“We don’t have to ask each other’s permission on who we can date.” He sounded cold, emotionless.
My throat was beginning to burn from trying to hold my sobs in. I swallowed hard a couple of times, feeling the tears pooling in my eyes. He was slipping away from me a little more. Noah watched as my body reacted to his words. I don’t know why I kept goading him. I should have just left right then.
“You’re planning on doing more than having a date night with her,” I said.
He turned his back to me, ran both hands across his face, and through his hair. He dropped his hands to his side as they fisted. Suddenly he rammed one fist into the wall in front of him and yelled. “GOD DAMMIT!!!!”
I startled. His outburst jump started my tears. Turning back toward me, his eyes pierced mine. Speaking slowly in a low voice through gritted teeth, he said, “Yes, I plan to f*ck her, screw her, bang her, be balls deep in…”
“SHUT UP!!” My sobs were coming at a rapid pace now. I could barely get my words out. “PLEASE DON’T DO IT, NOAH! PLEASE!”
“WHY NOT?!”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE MINE!” I screamed at him through my sobs.
My eyes were so blurry from my tears I didn’t see him cross the room toward me. The next thing I knew I felt the wall against my back. Noah’s mouth was at my ear.
“Then why don’t you f*cking take me and stop this bullshit you keep putting us through? You’re going to tell me you’re okay with my hands running up and down her body? Touching her ass and tits. You’re okay with my tongue licking every inch of her? You’re okay knowing that while you’re over in your bed, I’ll be over here sliding into her, when we both know it should be you?”
My body began to convulse. The pain from hearing him say those words overpowered me. Tiny piece by tiny piece I shattered until I was completely broken. He stepped back allowing me to drift down the wall to the floor. I don’t know how long I stayed that way. Noah had left the room, not saying another word to me, and never came back.
I pulled myself together enough to get up off the floor. My body was sore from the ordeal. My legs felt weak, but stable. My hand trembled slightly as I placed it on the doorknob. I hesitated for a moment, and thought about going to look for him, but there was nothing left to say.