44
QUADRAGINTA QUATTUOR
I sit with my brother’s journal on my lap, curled up on his bed. This is where I feel him the most, here among his things. It brings me comfort.
I open the tattered book, and flip through the pages until I find what I’m looking for… the last several entries. My blood runs cold as I stare at the words… the insane, crazy gibberish lining the page.
The handwriting is mine.
“I thought I was him,” I murmur. “But there at the end, his journal was mine.”
Dare sits next to me, careful of my brother’s space. He knows it’s sacred to me, especially now. “The human body is an amazing thing,” he says by way of explanation. “Your mind knows how to shield itself from too much pain.”
I trace the tarot card in my hand, following the ragged edges with my finger.
“I wonder what this means,” I whisper. “I didn’t know Finn ever had his cards read.”
Dare stays silent, because of course we’ll never know the answer.
I drop the journal and watch the pages flutter as it falls to the floor.
When it hits, the cover closes… a metaphor for Finn’s life.
The story is over.
I gulp.
“He did love a good metaphor,” I say aloud.
“What’s that?” Dare leans closer. I shake my head.
“Nothing.”
“Let’s take a walk on the beach,” Dare says with a small smile. “We should get some fresh air.”
We make our way down the trails and I cringe as we pass the Chapel because I remember the funerals now. I cringe when we pass the woodshed because I remember Finn chopping wood. And I cringe when we pass the pier, because Finn and I went out on the boat so often.
“That night… when I got drunk. I was waiting and waiting for Finn to come back with the boat. But it was me all along. I was out on the boat.”
Dare stares out at the water. “I watched for you, and when you stepped onto the pier, I knew right away you were drunk.”
I grip his hand tighter, but look away. Because God, how embarrassing. All of this.
“And Nocte,” I murmur. “Those initials were ours. We’ve been there several times before.”
“Yep. You and me. And also, you, me and Finn.”
I look at him, sharply now, because I’ve been focusing so much on my own pain, that I haven’t considered his. He and Finn had been friends for most of the year.
“You helped Finn with his senior science project,” I recall, a memory suddenly re-surfacing of Finn and Dare hovering over the kitchen table with test tubes.
Dare smiles. “Yes. He probably would’ve blown the house up on his own.”
I giggle in spite of myself. “Probably.”
I glance at him. “I haven’t asked you how you’re doing.”
Dare looks down at me. “I’m doing better now. For a while, I thought I’d lost you both.”
I swallow hard, remembering the day I’d found him punching the woodshed.
“It must’ve been so frustrating.”
“You have no idea.”
But I do. “At least you still have your memories. My mind is like Swiss cheese.”
I chew on my lip for a second. “The drawing of me that you did. I was naked and in high heels…”
Dare levels a gaze at me. “Do you remember the day I based that drawing off of?”
Oh, I do. I definitely do now. It was right before school had ended and it was amazing.
“I do. But… I found that drawing in Finn’s journal. He’d written MINE all over it. But it wasn’t Finn. I think it was me.”
Dare sighs. “You asked me for the drawing the night you caught me drawing it.”
I stare at him, shocked. “I did? I don’t remember that part.”
I don’t remember it at all. Why would I write all over my own drawing?
Because I thought I was Finn. Because subconsciously I couldn’t let go of Finn.
I shake my head and look away. “This is maddening. I remember some things, but other things…especially when it comes to you, are still fuzzy.”
He gives me a dark look. “Maybe your mind is still trying to protect you.”
That gives me pause and I freeze in place, my feet sinking in the damp sand. “What would it have to protect me against?”
Dare shrugs, his face a perfect expressionless mask.
“You know I can’t say.”
Frustration makes me want to scream. “The doctors said I need to remember on my own,” I tell him sharply. “They didn’t say you can’t give me hints.”
He shakes his head. “It’ll come to you. Just know that I’ll never hurt you. Not on purpose.”
“It’s your past,” I tell him confidently. “Where you came from. I’m sure of it. Because that’s the part that’s fuzzy. How we met. But I did an internet search on you. Nothing was unusual.”
Except for the part where he’s richer than God, and has had a million blond girlfriends. I absentmindedly twirl a piece of my long red hair around my finger, because I’m the farthest thing from blond there is.
We sit on the beach finally, staring out at the water, listening to it crash against the rocks.
I lay my head against Dare’s shoulder.
“It can’t be too bad. Whatever it is, I was fine with it before. I know that because we were still together when… it happened.”
When I lost everything.
Dare grabs my hand, his thumb playing with mine. The only sound is the water, crashing into the shore then sucking back into the ocean. To and fro. It’s a lulling, soothing sound.
“I’ll figure it out,” I say softly, no longer worried.
“Yes, you will.” There seems to be slight trepidation in Dare’s voice.
For days, I think about it.
For days, nothing comes.
Dare stays with me like a champion. He comes to my house every day. He sits with me, goes through pictures with me, plays the piano for me.
Every day, I remember why I love him.
Every day I love him more.
Then one night, I’m curled up on Dare’s couch, my head on his lap as he reads.
“I love you,” I say simply, out of the blue, my words cutting through silence.
Dare looks up from his book, his dark eyes smoldering.
“Are you sure?”
I smile. “Of course. What’s not to love?”
He pulls me up, his book dropping to the floor as I’m crushed to his chest, his hands pressing, pulling, feeling.
Warmth from his hands soaks into me, thawing me, and for the first time in days and days, it ignites in me, making me want more.
“Thank you for staying with me,” I murmur. “You didn’t have to.”
I pause, then kiss him.
His lips are warm and firm and they light a fire in my belly, a fire that I forgot existed. It extinguishes my sadness for the moment, and I arch into him, pulling him closer.
There’s so much familiarity here… so much want.
His hands trace my collarbone, running down my arms, setting my nerve endings on fire. They burst into flame, burning away anything else but the desire to be with him, right here and right now.
“You think you don’t deserve me,” I whisper against his neck. “But that’s not true. I’m the one… I don’t deserve you.”
I kiss him again, and he groans in my mouth, the sound of it driving me to the brink because I know he wants me too.
“You want me,” I tell him urgently, pulling at him. “I know you do.”
“I’ve always wanted you,” he tells me roughly.
“It’s just you and me now,” I tell him. “You and me. That’s all that matters.”
Make me feel something besides pain.
I kiss him again and his hands splay around my hips, positioning me so that I’m lodged against his hardness. I suck in a breath and look up into his eyes, eyes that hold a thousand secrets, but eyes that I love.
I love him.
“No matter what,” I whisper. He pauses from kissing my neck and looks at me questioningly as he lifts his hand to brush my hair back. The light glints from his ring, and I’m frozen.
Because fragments come flying into my mind. Memory fragments. Images of that same exact expression, of his ring glinting in the moonlight as he tells me something. It’s a confession and he’s alarmed, upset, anxious.
It’s the night of the accident. Before the accident. I see his lips moving, but I can’t hear the words. It’s like he’s in a wind tunnel, the words are static, and I’ve seen this exact scene before in a dream.
I strain to hear the words from my memory.
“What’s wrong?” Dare asks me now, lowering his head once more, sliding his warm lips across my neck as he leans me back.
At this exact inopportune moment, as Dare’s touch lights my skin ablaze, the fragments finally fit into place. The puzzle pieces fit together. At last.
The memory forms and I suck in an appalled breath as I yank away from him.
“I remember,” I whisper. Dare pauses in apprehension, his onyx eyes glittering, his hands frozen on my arms. “You… you were here for me all along. You came here for me.”
His eyes close like a curtain and I know that I’m right.
His breath is shaky and his hands tremble as he touches me, as he refuses to pull away even now.
“You have one question left, Calla,” he reminds me, his voice somber. “Ask it.”
So with fear in my heart and ice in my veins…I do.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Order your copy of VERUM, book two in the Nocte trilogy here.
Please proceed to the next page, because now that the story is over,
there are a few things you should know.
Now that Nocte is over….
There are a few things you should know.
First:
You should know… you’ve been involved all along and didn’t know it.
Your voice is one that Finn/Calla heard in their heads.
Don’t believe me?
Go here: http://smarturl.it/ChooseTheirFate
What you do now will determine Calla’s fate in VERUM.
It’s your turn to cast the die.
Next: A Nocte Support Group on Facebook
I don’t usually do cliffhanger endings. For that, I apologize. This story is just too much to fit into one book.
If you’re feeling bereft or feel the need to discuss this story with other readers, we’ve put together a secret Nocte Support Group on Facebook.
The password is: Carpe Noctem.
Email the password to: [email protected].
Include the password and your email (we need it to add you to the group) and then you’ll be added.
It’s a fun place to discuss the story with other readers, speculate about what will happen next, etc. To ensure the reading pleasure of future readers, we would REALLY appreciate if you don’t tell others (outside of the NOCTE SUPPORT GROUP) about the twist—let them figure it out for themselves--- that’s part of the fun.
I would GREATLY appreciate your review on Amazon or other book retailers, just plllleeeeasssee don’t post spoilers. Thank you so much!!
Last:
With all of this fun stuff, don’t forget to order your copy of VERUM, book two in the Nocte trilogy here.
The mystery, the secrets, the insanity and the suspense will continue all throughout the NOCTE TRILOGY. I can’t wait for the story to unfold for you!
To get exclusive excerpts, previews, free books, and giveaways, sign up for Courtney Cole's Fans-Only newsletter right here.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Courtney Cole is the author of several bestselling titles, including the New York Times and USA Today bestselling Beautifully Broken series. She was born and raised in Kansas, but has since relocated to Florida, where she writes beneath palm trees. To find out more about her, please visit www.courtneycolewrites.com. To receive new release announcements and super-fan perks, and to get a FREE book, sign up for her fans-only newsletter right here.