Felix started laughing then, and let go of his hand. That’s cute of you to say, he said.
What do you mean? Simon stood there looking calm, tired. I just mean, I’m extremely fond of her, he answered. I admire her. Felix gave another cough, shaking his head. You mean like, if I do anything bad to her you’ll kick my head in, he said. Simon was touching his own wrist then where Felix had touched it before, circling it in his hand as if it hurt. No, he said, I actually didn’t mean that at all. Felix gave a yawn, stretching his arms. You could, though, he said. Kick my head in. Easily. He straightened up and turned to look out at the garden. If she’s such a good friend of yours, he asked, how come you’ve never been to see her all this time she’s been living here? Surprised, Simon said he had been trying to arrange to come and see Alice since February, and that she had always told him she was away or that it didn’t suit. I also invited her to come and stay with me, he added. But she said she was busy. The impression I got was that she didn’t want to see me. I’m not saying that in an accusatory way, I thought maybe she just wanted a break. We had been seeing quite a lot of each other, you know, before she left Dublin. Felix was nodding to himself. When she was in hospital, was it? he asked. Simon looked at him for a time, and answered: Yes. Felix put his hands in his pockets and walked away for a moment, aimlessly, before returning to the wall, facing Simon. So all this time you’ve been on at her, saying you want to see her, and she’s been saying, no, I’m busy? he asked. Simon replied: Sure, but as I say, there’s nothing wrong with that. Felix grinned. It didn’t hurt your feelings? he said. Simon smiled back at him. No, no, he replied. I’m very grown-up about these things. Kicking the toe of his shoe against the wall, Felix asked: What was she like in hospital? In a bad way, was she? Simon seemed to think about the question, and then answered: She seems much better now. Felix wandered away again, far enough beyond the garage to look back at the house. Well, he said, if you see her in there, tell her I want to talk to her. Simon
nodded his head and for a few seconds said nothing, did nothing. Then he stood up straight and went back inside.
In the kitchen, Alice was standing with Danielle, eating a slice of cake from a paper plate. Raking over the sponge with her fork, she said: It didn’t really rise, but it tastes alright. Closing the door behind him, Simon said it looked delicious. Felix is outside, he added. I think he wants to talk to you. Danielle laughed. Oh my God, she said. Is he drunk already? He’s always being deep and meaningful when he’s drunk. Helping himself to a slice of cake, Simon said: No, I don’t think he’s drinking. But he was getting a little deep and meaningful with me just now. Alice put her plate on the countertop. That sounds ominous, she said. I’ll be back in a bit. When she was gone, Danielle asked Simon what he did for a living, and he started telling her about Leinster House, making her laugh. However bad you think it is, he said, it’s worse. Eileen was in the living room looking through the Spotify account connected to the speakers, a man over her shoulder saying: Real tunes, please. Outside, Alice closed the back door behind her and said into the empty garden: Felix? He looked out from behind the garage. Hey, he said. I’m down here. With her arms folded she came down onto the grass. On the wall he had spread out a cigarette paper and was taking a pinch of tobacco from a small plastic pouch. You know why they’re in a weird mood? he said. The other pair. They hooked up last night, and then she turned around and said she just wanted to be friends.
The drama in your house, it’s unreal. Alice was leaning against the wall, watching him roll the cigarette. Did Simon tell you that? she asked. He sealed the paper with the wet of his tongue and tapped it shut. Yeah, he said. Why, what did she tell you? Watching him light his cigarette, Alice answered: She just said it was a mistake. But she didn’t really go into details. I could see she was upset, I didn’t want to press her. Glancing
down at her fingernails, she added: She says he’s impossible to talk to. She thinks he grew up in an emotionally repressive family, and he’s fucked up. He can’t say what he needs. Felix started laughing, coughing. Jesus, he said. That’s harsh. I wouldn’t have said he was fucked up. I like him. I actually tried it on with him a little bit while he was out here, and he started talking about how you’re his great friend and he looks up to you so much. He was tempted, though, I could tell. I was on the point of being like, relax, she’s cool with it. Alice was laughing then too. God, he’s such a lamb, she said. Do you think he has low self-esteem? Felix frowned and answered: No. He might be losing the will to live a bit. But low self-esteem, I don’t think so. And he’s not that much of a lamb either. He’s like yourself. His self-esteem is alright, he just fucking hates his life. Alice was smiling, brushing crumbs off the skirt of her dress. I don’t hate my life, she replied.
Felix breathed out a cloud of smoke and dispersed it idly with his hand. You told me you did, he said. Last time we went outside for a cigarette together. Do you remember?