Beautiful World, Where Are You

Simon watched him while he spoke. She was really skinny then, Felix added. Like, not healthy at all. And she had anxieties. Didn’t like anyone touching her or anything. She’d hide off somewhere while you were putting out food, and then when you were gone

away she’d come out and eat it. And actually she had some aggression problems as well. You know, if you went too close to her and she didn’t like it, she might snap at you, that kind of thing. Simon was nodding his head slowly. He asked Felix if he thought something traumatic had happened to the dog in the past. Hard to know, Felix said. Maybe the last crowd kind of neglected her. She definitely had problems anyway, wherever she got them from. He tapped some ash off his cigarette and let it float down slowly toward the grass. But she relaxed a bit in the end, he said. Just got used to being fed, and nothing bad happening, and eventually she didn’t mind us going near her. She still doesn’t like strangers touching her too much, but with me she likes it. Simon was smiling. That’s nice, he said. I’m glad. Felix exhaled again, with a grimace. But it did take a good while, he replied. The other lads actually wanted to get rid of her at one stage, because the behaviour was so bad and she didn’t really seem to be calming down at all. And not to make myself out to be the hero, but I was the one who said we should keep her. With a laugh Simon said: You can be the hero, I don’t mind. Thoughtfully Felix went on smoking. I was just wondering would I be allowed bring her up to Alice’s house, he added. Some landlords, they won’t let you. But if she’s going to buy the place it’s different. I didn’t know she was thinking about that. Down the garden, the little girl had managed to kick the ball between the goalposts, and the man had lifted her up on his shoulders, cheering. Simon watched them, saying nothing. Felix scraped the last of his cigarette along the wall beside him until it went out. Then he dropped the end down in the grass. So what happened last night? he asked. Simon looked around at him. What do you mean? he said. Felix gave a short cough from his chest. I mean between you and Eileen, he said. You don’t have to tell me, but you might as well. The little girl was coming back down the garden toward the house, the man and woman walking behind

her, talking. As they passed, the man nodded and said: How’s life, Brady? Felix answered: Yeah, not bad, thanks. They went inside, pulling the door behind them. The garden was empty then except for Simon and Felix, standing on the grass together behind the garage. After a long silence, Simon dropped his gaze down to his feet and said: I don’t really know what happened. Felix gave a laugh at that. Okay, he said. I’ll fill you in. You went into her room after we got home, right? And then a bit later, you went back to your room, and today you’re both depressed. I don’t know anything more than that, so you tell me. You had sex with her, or what? Simon passed his hand down over his face, looking tired. Right, he said. No further remark followed, and Felix prompted: Not for the first time, I would guess. Simon gave a wan smile. No, he agreed.

Not quite. Felix put his hands in his pockets, watching Simon’s face. And then what? he said. You had a fight. Not that I could hear you, by the way. It must have been a quiet kind of fight if it was one. Simon was rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. It wasn’t, he said. We just talked. She said she’d prefer to stay friends. That’s all. We didn’t fight about it. With his eyebrows raised, Felix was staring. Fuck’s sake, he said.

She said that to you after you just had sex with her? What kind of behaviour is that?

Simon gave an awkward laugh, dropped his hand, looked away. Well, we all do things we shouldn’t do, he said. I think she’s just unhappy. Felix frowned at him for a second or two. There you go, he said. Trying to be like Jesus again. Simon gave another strained laugh. No, he answered, Jesus actually resisted temptation, as I recall. Smiling now, Felix reached to touch Simon’s hand, and Simon let him. Down the inside of his wrist, down toward his palm, Felix brushed the back of his fingers slowly. A few seconds passed in silence. Quietly Simon said: She’s a very dear friend of mine. Alice.

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