Eileen, I already live in the countryside, Alice said. We’re talking about the house where I currently live. Eileen was smiling, shaking her head. No, totally, she replied.
You came here on holiday and now you’re going to like, stay on holiday forever. Why not? Simon was watching Eileen, but Eileen was still smiling at Alice. Seriously, Eileen added. It’s great. The house is amazing. Such high ceilings, wow. Slowly, Alice was nodding her head. Right, she replied. Well, I haven’t made any decisions yet. She put the lip balm back in her bag. I don’t know why you’re saying I’m on holiday, she added. Whenever I do go to work, you send me a disapproving email telling me I should be at home. Eileen was laughing again, her face emptied of colour. I’m sorry, she said. I misunderstood the situation, I can see that now. Simon was still watching her, and she turned to him with a bright insincere smile, as if to say: what? Felix remarked that, before buying the house, Alice should get someone in to look at it properly, and Alice said it would need a lot of work anyway, no doubt. They were driving past the hotel then, the lit windows of the lobby, and along the coast road.
Back at the house, Eileen went straight upstairs to her room while the others were still in the hallway. Her lips were pale, her breath shallow and uneven as she turned on the bedside lamp. The darkened bedroom window reflected the faint grey ellipse of her face, and she jerked the curtain closed, the hooks rasping on the rail. From downstairs, the sound of voices, Alice saying: No, no, not me. Simon made some low indistinct reply, and then the others were laughing, high laughter carrying up the stairs. Eileen rubbed her fingers into her closed eyelids. The sound of the fridge door unsealing softly, and a clinking noise like glass. She started to unknot the waist tie of her dress, the linen creased and softened now after a day’s wear, smelling of sun cream and deodorant.
Downstairs, the noise of a door opening. She pulled the dress down off her shoulders, taking deep hard breaths in through her nose and releasing them between her lips, and then put on a striped blue nightdress. The noises from downstairs were quieter now, the
voices intermingled. Sitting on the side of the mattress, she began to unpin her hair.
Downstairs, one of the others was walking along the hallway, whistling. She removed one long black hairpin and dropped it with a faint click on the bedside locker. Her jaw was held tight, her back teeth grinding together. From outside the house, the noise of the sea, low, repetitive, and the air moving soft through the full heavy leaves of the trees.
When her hair was loose she combed it out roughly with her fingers and then lay down on the bed and shut her eyes. A crisp snapping sound came from downstairs like a cork popping. She filled her lungs with breath. Her hands clenched into fists and then opened out again, stretching her fingers wide on the duvet, twice, three times. Alice’s voice again. And the other two laughing, the men laughing, at whatever Alice had said. With a quick jerking movement Eileen got to her feet. She tugged a quilted yellow dressing gown from the back of a chair and pulled her arms into the sleeves. Making her way downstairs, she tied the sash of the gown loosely, distractedly, at her waist. At the end of the hallway the kitchen door was pulled shut, the light turned on, a sweet heavy fragrance of smoke in the air. She put her hand to the door handle. From inside, Alice’s voice saying: Oh, I don’t know, not for months. Eileen opened the door. Inside, the room was warm and dimly lit, Alice sitting at one end of the table, Felix and Simon seated together against the wall, sharing a joint. They all looked up at Eileen with surprise, with something like wariness, where she stood in the doorway in her dressing gown. Bravely she smiled at them. Can I join? she asked.
Please do, Alice replied.
Pulling a chair back and sitting down, Eileen asked: What are we talking about?
Felix passed her the joint over the tabletop. Alice was just telling us about her parents, he said.
Eileen took a quick drag and exhaled, nodding her head, everything in her face and bearing showing an effort to be cheerful.
Well, you already know, Alice said to Eileen. You’ve met them.
Mm, Eileen said. Long time ago. But go on.
Turning back to the others, Alice went on: With my mother it’s actually less complicated, because she and my brother are like, suffocatingly close. And then my mother never liked me much anyway.
Yeah? Felix said. That’s funny. My mother loved me. I was her golden boy. Sad, really, because I turned out to be such a fuck-up. But she doted on me, God knows why.
You’re not a fuck-up, said Alice.
To Simon, Felix said: What about you? Were you your mother’s pet?
Well, I was an only child, Simon answered. Certainly my mother was very fond of me, yes. Is very fond of me, I mean. He was turning the base of his wine glass around on the tabletop. It’s not the easiest relationship in my life, he added. I think she sometimes feels kind of confused and frustrated with me. Like in terms of my career, the decisions I’ve made. I suppose she has friends whose children are the same age I am, and they’re all doctors or lawyers now and they have children of their own. And I’m basically still a parliamentary assistant with no girlfriend. I mean, I don’t blame my mother for being confused. I don’t know what happened to my life either.
Felix gave a short cough, and asked: But you have a fairly important job, do you not?