The Fate of the Muse

chapter TWENTYONE

REVELATION





I woke up in my cheery little room, a big smile on my face. I raised my left hand and watched the engagement ring scatter rainbow prisms of sunlight all around the aqua blue walls. It was a beautiful thing, and even Evie would have to give her approval. I loved what it symbolized, but I hated the idea that Ethan got it because he felt like he needed to demonstrate something. Disturbing as his insecurity was, his focus and determination was impressive. Once he set his mind on a goal, he was unstoppable.

I was surprised, relieved and then inordinately pleased to learn that Amber and Ethan had never gotten very serious in their relationship. All this time I’d considered her a dangerous rival, a seductress whose appearance back on the scene threatened to lure him away from me. I’d been torturing myself, imagining their torrid love affair and feeling terribly self-conscious and inexperienced by comparison.

I’d blown everything completely out of proportion, and I laughed out loud at my stupidity. Ethan wasn’t the only one consumed by insecurity. I was finally starting to believe that our union was truly meant to be, for we obviously had more than one lesson we could learn together.

I thought of my father, and was tempted to call Afghanistan to announce the good news to him. Ethan was adamant that I wait, insisting that we tell him about our plans to marry in person when he got back to the states. He wanted a chance to make his case, to explain why we were mature enough to make the commitment, and to see how my father would react. To me, Ethan had always seemed overly concerned with getting my father’s approval, but now I could better understand why.

He didn’t need to worry; Dad always said that you should judge a person by their actions– not by what they said or anything they might have. Ethan had already proven by his deeds that he was serious. Like my father, Ethan worked hard for everything he wanted, stubbornly refusing to take the easy way out. I knew Dad would think we were too young to marry, and no doubt try and talk us into waiting, but my father would never judge Ethan by something that his mother did or didn’t do.

I wondered exactly what kind of woman would abandon both her husband and son, and could only arrive at the unpleasant conclusion that Ethan’s mother wasn’t a very nice person. She had obviously hurt him badly, and the more I got to know him the more clear it became. The wounds on his psyche were wide open, covered over with a band-aid where stitches were required.

I brought the ring to my lips. Evie had been lavishing expensive gifts on me my whole life, but nothing could compare to the sheer amount of sacrifice that went into Ethan’s heartfelt offering. I wondered what I had to offer in return. I was determined to make it even somehow, to work equally hard to be a good partner, and to help make his dreams of a tranquil future come true. I wished I could magically erase all the hurts of his past and give him the security he so obviously craved.

There was just one problem.

In trying to avoid confrontation I’d been deceptive, keeping my meetings with mermaids secret; holding back things I knew about them and myself. Sometimes I felt as though I was being torn in two, forced to lead a double life by circumstances beyond my control. I refused to give up my mermaid sisters, and a part of me resented Ethan for even wanting me to. I was conflicted, for another part of me knew that I couldn’t be happy– or even stay fully human, without him. I wanted to go on having it both ways, but the two sides always seemed to be trying to make me choose.

When I was with Ethan, I was absolutely certain it was exactly where I belonged… But late at night, when the rumbling surf called out to me, I was powerless to refuse it. The rhythmic beat of the waves crashing on the earth were made virtually irresistible by the addition of moonlight, and like any good addict, I was full of justifications for my behavior.

I sat up and stretched, dislodging Charlie, who protested vociferously. He rolled on his back, twisting his head invitingly and offering me his belly to rub. I petted him absentmindedly, closing my eyes and straining to listen for the pulse of the sea. When my phone rang I startled, picking it up to see that it was Evie calling– she must have just gotten back to the city. I hesitated, and put the phone back down; I didn’t want to talk to her today. This was a surfing day, and I’d deal with her when Olivia was gone.

I could tell there was good surf, for the ocean was sending me irresistible waves of energy that vibrated up my spine, beckoning me out to the water. Cruz and Brad were due to pick me up in an hour for what promised to be a fun day, and even the looming specter of Olivia’s visit wasn’t going to ruin my good mood. I got up to dress, putting my hair into a ponytail and smiling back at the happy-looking girl in the mirror. When things with Ethan were settled, I felt invincible.

I was sipping my coffee when Abby burst into the kitchen like a ray of sunshine. For a heavily pregnant woman, she was surprisingly light on her feet.

“Good morning sweetie-pie,” she smiled brilliantly, once again reminding me of my mermaid sister, “You sure look like one happy camper today!”

I smiled back at her, for she was right as usual. Abby and Lorelei both had a genius for experiencing joy and spreading it around. When they were happy, which was most of the time, their smiles infected you like a highly contagious virus. Neither one of them had an ironic or cynical bone in their body.

“I bet you’re looking forward to seeing Cruz.”

“I am,” she said, sliding into the chair next to mine, “I understand he’s bringing a friend for me to meet.”

“Uh, yeah, Brad,” I said casually. “He seems like a good guy.” I wasn’t sure how much she knew about Brad and Cruz’s relationship.

“Do you think they’d stay for breakfast? I can make something…” she seemed unexpectedly nervous.

I jumped in, “I’m sure they’ll have already eaten.” I imagined how Cruz would cringe if Abby tried to serve one of her healthy concoctions to Brad. “Because,” I added diplomatically, “We’re going to be surfing all day.”

Abby got up and started bustling around nervously, straightening the fruit basket on the countertop and fussing unnecessarily with the flowers on the table.

The sound of the door opening made her jump, and I followed along behind her to see an equally anxious looking Cruz in the doorway, Brad standing behind him.

“Hi mom,” Cruz said, embracing Abby, “Wow! You’re huge.”

“Cruz!” I scolded him. “Hi Brad,” I waved. Abby just smiled and patted her stomach.

“Uhm… Mom, this is my friend, Brad.” Cruz gestured behind him awkwardly.

Abby stepped around Cruz, “It’s nice to meet you,” she shook his outstretched hand with both of hers, “Please call me Abby. Can I get you some coffee… or tea… or anything?”

“We have to get going,” Cruz blurted out.

“I’d love a cup of coffee,” Brad smiled at Abby, following her into the kitchen.

Cruz squeezed my arm in a death grip as we trailed behind them. Brad asked Abby questions about how far along she was, inquiring as to the baby’s due date, and asking if she’d settled on any names. Abby chattered away happily while she fixed him a cup.

“Cruz?” Abby held up the pot, “Can I get you one?

“OK,” he sat down next to me, fiddling with his piercings, unusually quiet.

Before we knew it, Brad and Abby were talking and laughing like old friends, and Cruz watched them with a strange combination of surprise and relief. He looked at me and shrugged, and I couldn’t resist flashing him my best “I told you so” grin.

“How do you know so much about pregnancy?” Abby asked Brad.

“I just finished decorating a nursery for a good friend of mine,” he replied, “She’s in her third trimester with twins!” he added excitedly. He went on to discuss ultrasounds, baby monitors and the relative merits of gliding versus traditional rocking chairs in detail; before we knew it the two of them were walking down the hallway to see the nursery Abby had set up in Cruz’s old room.

Cruz pressed his forehead on the kitchen table, “Unbelievable.”

I laughed at him, “What did you expect? Everybody loves your mom… And your mom loves everybody.”

When they came back in the kitchen, Brad and Abby were chatting about their common love of yoga, and comparing notes about the different styles they practiced. She gave him some tips on breathing exercises to pass on to his pregnant friend, and launched into a description of the intricacies of her pre-natal yoga class in detail.

“Please kill me now,” Cruz muttered under his breath, and even I grew tired of watching him fidget uncomfortably.

“So, where are we going surfing?” I interjected.

Soon we were saying our goodbyes, Brad embracing Abby with a kiss on each cheek at the porch, telling her how he was looking forward to meeting Dutch sometime soon. I grabbed my board from the side of the house and met the guys in the driveway, eager as Cruz was to get moving.

He stood holding open the door of a classic wood-sided station wagon, a fully restored antique that sparkled in the morning light. It looked like something that belonged in an old surfing poster.

“Hop in! We borrowed this cool surfer-mobile from his dad’s house. Brad wanted to take us out in style.”

I climbed into the back seat with my tote while Brad loaded my board into the back. We pulled out of the driveway, the three of us waving goodbye to Abby.

“Your mom is so awesome!” Brad enthused, “I wish I had a mom like that.”

“That’s what everyone says,” I ruffled Cruz’s hair and leaned back in my seat smugly.

He turned around to give me a long suffering look, straightening his long bangs with his fingers, “Where’s Ethan today?”

“He’s out on the boat with with Dutch,” I replied.

“All work and no play…” he said mischievously. I don’t think he realized how close to home that one hit, for it was the one and only thing about Ethan that I was determined to change.

“So,” I looked around at the perfect leather interior, “Does your dad collect old cars?”

“My father collects everything,” he said, with a trace of sarcasm.

With the windows down and the wind in my hair, it was easy to believe that the situation with Olivia would sort itself out. Marissa’s strange warning seemed to have come a long, long time ago– maybe she was simply being overly dramatic. Maybe that’s what all the muses were like. After all, I’d spent my whole life subjected to Evie’s histrionics.

It was a pleasant drive up the coast, and I looked out the window, noticing the other driver’s heads turning to check out our classic ride. We pulled off the freeway, rolling onto an unpaved road that stopped at the edge of a sheer cliff. I clambered out to look over the bank of the crumbling bluff that dropped precipitously off, tumbling down to a rocky beach below. There was no clear way to get to the water.

“This is your secret spot?” Cruz asked Brad, peering over the side nervously.

“How do we get down?” I asked impatiently.

“This way,” said Brad, setting off on a narrow path that wound its way through the dense underbrush and waving stands of pampas grass that crowded the bluff. I tucked my board under my arm and followed, listening to the unmistakable sound of surf pounding on rocks. A delicious little shiver trickled down my backbone.

All at once we broke out of the brush into a small clearing. Brad pointed out a dangerously steep and narrow switchback trail that dropped down to a rocky cove. There were some beautiful waves forming off a small point that jutted out into the sea. It was a breathtaking and remote spot– exactly the sort of place Lorelei liked to bring me in the dead of the night. I could already feel the motion of the surf and taste the salt on my tongue. I was raring to go, determined to get down there if I had to sprout wings and fly.

Cruz burst out, “You can’t be serious! I’m not a mountain goat!”

Brad reached under a shrub and pulled out a knotted nylon rope that was tied to a sturdy cypress trunk. “You can do it,” he told Cruz.

I just grinned. This was going to be a piece of cake. There was nothing in the world that was going to get between me and those waves.

Brad ignored Cruz as he tested the strength of the rope and tugged on the tree. Satisfied, he turned to me, “I’ll go first and you can lower the boards and bags to me, alright? Then you can use the rope to steady yourself on the way down.”

Cruz stood rooted to the spot while I sprang into action, tying the rope around my board and slowly lowering it down the cliff to the rocky beach below. Brad climbed down agilely and reached up for my board. I followed suit with his, finally lowering our bags.

Nervously pacing the whole time, Cruz looked paler than usual, and completely out of place in his skinny jeans and black leather jacket.

“I don’t suppose I ever mentioned my fear of heights to you?” he whined.

I rolled my eyes at him, “I don’t recall any fear of heights the day you made me go on that rollercoaster!”

“Marina… I can’t!” he wailed, panic stricken. I thought about how I felt about getting on the horse and softened.

“We’ll go together,” I said, taking his hand and leading him to the edge. I grabbed hold of the rope firmly and went first, coaxing him along behind me. Cruz and I made our way down the steep pathway slowly, his knuckles white on the rope. I stepped down lightly onto a boulder at the bottom and looked up to see Cruz stumble along behind me, losing his balance and tumbling towards me with outstretched arms and a terrified face.

I braced for the impact, but Brad stepped in and caught him, holding him up and embracing him warmly, “See?” he said, “I knew you could do it.”

I turned my focus towards the crashing waves, leaving them to their moment. By the time I got my wetsuit on, I looked back to see Cruz settling in on a blanket with his sketch pad, fastidiously brushing the sand and pebbles off the edges. I don’t think I’d ever seen him sit down at the beach, and I smiled at the incongruous sight. Brad was good for him.

“We lucked out,” Brad said, once he was suited up, “It looks great today!”

“Yeah, lucky,” I said, even though I’d known it the minute I woke up.

Brad took a moment to explain the break to me, advising me on the best way to enter and the various dangers that lurked beneath the roiling waves. I nodded politely, already having judged the potential from shore, itching to slip into the whispering water. I smiled and followed suit when Brad dove through the crashing surf to get out to the sweet spot where we sat up and faced out to sea, waiting for the ocean to send us some perfectly surfable waves.

“I can’t believe I haven’t been out here for so long!” Brad smiled at me.

I nodded my agreement, “It can be kind of addictive.”

It felt like we had the whole sea to ourselves, and we surfed set after set; the natural rhythms of the water pacing us perfectly. Brad turned out to be a fairly good surfer, improving as the day wore on. We shared the waves with an easy camaraderie, taking our turns and shouting out encouragement to each other. I held back a little, unwilling to give in to it, afraid to lose myself in front of Brad. The hours slipped away quickly, and when we both began to tire we paddled ashore to join Cruz on the blanket.

“I sure needed that!” Brad told Cruz.

“Yeah, me too” I smiled, already planning a trip to this spot with Ethan.

I leaned back to soak up the sun, sighing with contentment. We ate some sandwiches that Brad and Cruz had packed, rested, and went back to the waves to surf the rest of the day away. This time I let loose, laughing with the sheer joy of being able to completely master the crashing surf, all of my worries rinsed away. We surfed until we were utterly spent, staggering out of the water to flop down on the blanket with Cruz.

“Your cousin is an awesome surfer!” Brad enthused. Cruz’s eyes flashed onto mine and darted away. I wondered if he’d managed to keep my unusual heritage a secret. The way he looked at Brad I doubted he’d have the ability for long.

“Her boyfriend taught her,” said Cruz with a wink at me.

“Boyfriend?” said Brad playfully, looking down at my ring and back up at me with olive green eyes.

I blushed, admiring the diamond and aquamarines flashing in the sun, “Fiancé, I guess.”

“Get out!” Cruz grabbed my wrist, pulling the ring closer for inspection, “I knew you two were serious… But are you serious?”

I nodded, smiling, “Yeah.”

“Don’t you think you guys are a little too young? What will your dad say?” Cruz asked.

“Cruz,” said Brad meaningfully, “Don’t you think congratulations are in order?”

He proposed a toast to my engagement, and we drank to my future with Ethan, clinking our soda cans together. I was starting to like Brad more and more.

“How did you find this place?” I asked, looking up at the bluffs.

“It’s just up the coast from our beach house. When I needed to get away from the old man I’d walk along the cliffs… and imagine throwing myself off them.” Cruz and I looked at him in shock. “But I built this trail down instead,” he added with a grin.

“That’s not funny!” Cruz exclaimed.

Brad shrugged nonchalantly, “I was a messed-up kid. After my parents divorced, they sent me away to one boarding school after another, but I kept managing to get kicked out.”

“Why?” I asked, finding it hard to imagine.

“Let’s just say, I always got into a lot of trouble. I suppose I was acting up… But it was inconvenient for mother’s social life so father got stuck with me in the summers.”

He spoke bitterly, making little quotation marks with his fingers. Cruz took his hand, his warm brown eyes full of sympathy, “At least your dad wanted you around.”

Brad just gave him a look full of amused cynicism. It was clear he thought Cruz was being naive, “Yeah… uh huh. I’m a real chip off the old block.”

Cruz brightened, turning to address me, “Evie gets in today! I hope you and Ethan are coming to dinner tomorrow.”

“I’m not sure,” I said, but I was already planning to skip her little soiree. I was hoping that Olivia would just go home so I could sit Evie down and tell her what I suspected.

“Well, I wouldn’t miss it for the world! Evie’s flying a famous sushi chef in from Japan, just to cater it!”

I shrugged noncommittally, “Can I see your sketchbook?” I asked Cruz, reaching for it. I flipped through the pages, truly surprised by his continued growth as an artist. He’d designed and illustrated an entire year’s worth of collections. There were detailed drawings of sophisticated winter coats juxtaposed with flowing summery resort wear. Outfits both casual and businesslike were sketched out in the most intricate detail; he had a unique take on everything from skimpy swimsuits to lush, romantic ballgowns.

“Wow!” I exclaimed, “You’ve been busy!”

Brad jumped in to proudly tell me how Cruz had been turning out a prodigious amount of samples from his new workshop. He gushed about Cruz’s talent, telling me he thought it was time for him to start lining up financial backers to debut his own line.

“I’m just getting started at school,” Cruz said hesitantly, “I wouldn’t want to jump the gun and blow it.”

“Listen to your intuition,” I smiled reassuringly, “You’ll know when the time is right.” I looked up at the massive bank of fog that was rolling in towards us. You could feel a chill descend as the swirling edges drew near.

“We better get going,” said Cruz, following my eyes.

We changed out of our suits and packed up our gear as the breeze began to pick up. Brad scrambled up the precipitous trail while I attached our bags and boards to the rope for him to haul up.

“Geez!” Cruz complained, “I wasn’t expecting ‘outward bound’ today!”

“Just hold onto the rope,” I advised him sternly, surprised when he scrambled up almost as quickly as Brad had. I turned to see the fog had now completely overtaken the little cove, bringing a damp rush of briny sea air along with it.

I took my time climbing up, and when I got to the top I found that Brad had already loaded our gear into his Woodie. We all climbed in, glad to be out of the chill.

“I should get this back into the garage before my father gets back,” said Brad, driving down the gravel road. “I don’t really want to deal with him today.”

He turned onto a paved road that went alongside the highway, and turned again onto a long driveway, heavily lined with trees. The fog’s misty gloom made it look eerie, and the skin on my arms tingled with gooseflesh.

We broke out of the trees, pulling onto a large circular driveway, illuminated by the long afternoon rays of the sun, and bathed in swirling eddies of fog. Brad pulled up to a keypad mounted on a post and punched in some numbers, and I could see a metal gate that led to an underground garage slowly roll open.

Something about the paving on the driveway looked familiar, and I glanced up to see the multiple chimneys of the big house looming in the fog. My heart nearly stopped when I suddenly realized where we were, and before I could react we began our descent into the parking garage. I clawed at my seatbelt, turning frantically to see the gate slowly roll closed, trapping us inside.

I was shaking violently when the car came to a stop. The last time I’d stepped out into this garage it was from the back of a van, and I had been handcuffed to Lorelei.

I was back at the Edwards mansion.