The Fate of the Muse

chapter EIGHTEEN

SEDUCTION





Long arrived at the back of the stand, nodding to Ethan, but seemingly unable to peel his gaze from me, “Break time,” he announced, his eyes following me as I closed my book and slipped on my sandals.

“Hi Long,” I said lightly, ignoring his rude stare.

Ethan slipped his arm around me as we walked away.

“Now what’s up with Long?” I asked.

“Everyone’s talking about you surfing Jaws with Kimo and Matt,” said Ethan sourly as we sat down at the break table behind the stands.

All the surfers in town had taken particular note of the tabloid coverage of our mishap in Hawaii, and whenever I ran across them on the beach or in town the all of the whispering started up anew. The only one I really knew was Mike, and I suspected he had already told them tales about the time we surfed with Kimo at the point. Shayla would have been highly amused at how many of the guys were claiming to have dated her.

More pictures from that fateful day had eventually surfaced. It turned out that there were paparazzi following Matt twenty-four seven. There were shots of Kimo towing me and Matt out behind his jet ski, and images of Gabe and Shayla hauling Matt up onto the beach, with me in the background, turning to dive back into the sea for Kimo. Ethan had already heard the truth from Shayla, but he got more and more irritated every time his buddies brought it up.

“I still can’t believe he took you surfing out there, he could have gotten you seriously hurt,” Ethan grumbled, angry all over again at the thought.

“It’s not his fault. I wanted to,” I protested, popping a strawberry in his mouth to shut him up. To be honest, it was entirely my fault, but Ethan would never see it that way.

It didn’t stop his complaining for long, “That place is way too dangerous… I mean, look what could have happened if those mermaids didn’t show up,” he frowned.

“It was scary… but the waves were amazing. Besides, I do have a lot of experience being towed,” I mused.

He shook his head with a defeated gesture, “I wish you’d be more careful. What would I do without you to worry about?” He reached out to pull me closer, kissing my ear. His warm breath tickled, and I giggled, turning my face to look into his saltwater blue eyes.

“You’re driving me crazy,” he said, just before he kissed me.

He didn’t realize it, but I was beginning to believe that I was. He was pushing himself harder than I ever thought possible, working almost every waking hour, and if he wasn’t at work he was out hustling for more work, handing out flyers advertising his landscaping services. If I wanted to spend time with him I had to tag along, sitting in his truck waiting, or reading quietly at the farmer’s market.

At least I hadn’t seen Amber since I’d been back. It was probably inevitable that I’d run into her at college, and I wondered how she’d act when our paths crossed again. I smiled inside when I thought about him telling her about our engagement, but she didn’t strike me as the type that would give up very easily, and I was still feeling insecure. I scooted closer to Ethan.

My art studio was my sanctuary, a distraction from my troubling thoughts, and I’d kept it to myself for the past week like my own little secret garden. Whenever Ethan was working and I was feeling edgy, I’d head over there to furiously paint out all my anxiety. I’d started spending most of my time there, taking long afternoon naps on the couch, luxuriating in my independence.

I brought more and more of my things there, and the place started to feel like home. I planned on surprising Ethan with it, but I found myself holding back, waiting for the perfect time. I liked having a clandestine place to go and be alone. In solitude was precious control, and the freedom from having to depend on anyone else.

“How about we go surfing tomorrow?” I suggested hopefully.

“Can’t,” he said firmly, “I have to work.”

I sighed, for thoughts of Olivia plagued me, making me so anxious that I’d have to sneak out to see Lorelei at night, purposefully surfing myself into exhaustion. I knew that Ethan wouldn’t like it, but I ignored the little flush of guilt I felt. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“We can surf a lot more when we’re married,” he said bending down to kiss me, and I really wanted to believe him. Kissing Ethan made me feel better no matter what the problem. The sound of shuffling feet and a clatter of plates broke us apart.

“Marina, my friend,” Lue was beaming at us as he set down a platter with a wheel of grilled sausage, coiled like a snake on a mound of steaming rice. This was followed by a tray stacked with delicious looking fried spring rolls. “Kaj yaub,” He announced, setting it down with a flourish.

“Wow,” I looked up with a smile.

Lue and his family had been fussing over me to the point of embarrassment, bringing me tea all day, and trying to feed me every chance they could get. The rally and its outcome had restored Lue’s faith in justice, and he was so grateful that it bordered on worship. As much as I tried to give the credit to Abby’s hard work, Lue insisted the water spirits were to thank for his good fortune. In his mind, I was clearly their representative, and as such, deserved an offering.

Lue came closer to the truth than I cared to admit, but he believed what he believed, and there was no point in arguing. Besides, the food was fantastic, and the way he was working, Ethan needed to eat every chance he could get.

“It looks delicious,” I smiled.

He handed me a takeout container, “For Abby,” he said with a twinkle in his eye, “Good for the baby.”

“She’ll be touched,” I said, bowing my respects.

Lue laughed his funny little laugh like he always did. He often seemed amused by me, as if my very presence was somehow comically entertaining, but it didn’t bother me. He was one of the few people in Aptos that I felt completely comfortable around, and I respected his opinion above all others. He refused to join us and turned to shuffle off, leaving Ethan looking at me with a wry smile.

“The food sure is getting better around here,” he raised his eyebrows at me, “Looks like you’re inspiring Lue to cook more.”

I made a face at him.

“Aww, I didn’t mean it that way,” he said, kissing my cheek and digging in.

After we ate, I walked Ethan back to his stand, giving him a hug and telling him I should be getting going. I’d told Abby I’d walk down to feed the cats today, and I was thinking about slipping away to paint at my studio.

“Don’t go,” he whispered in my ear, “I like it when you’re here with me.”

I looked over at Long watching us, and ducked behind Ethan’s shoulder, “Sorry… But I promised Abby.”

His face fell, “Can I please stay with you tonight?”

He looked so cute standing there, crestfallen. Right then I decided, “How about I take you someplace new for dinner tonight?”

He smiled, “Alright, where do you want to go?”

“It’s a surprise… I’ll pick you up tonight.”

“Do I have to get dressed up?” he asked nervously.

“No. You’re fine just the way you are,” I said, kissing his nose and hurrying off. I had some shopping to do.





I hauled the grocery bags up the metal staircase, hurrying down for the boxes from the kitchen store. I’d decided to cook Ethan some Chinese food, a favorite dish of mine that I’d learned from Li Wei, one of Evie’s most talented personal chefs.

Li ran the best restaurant in Hong Kong, and she would fly into San Francisco regularly to orchestrate the sumptuous banquets served at Evie’s posh dinner parties. Under her command, the kitchen staff always turned out an amazing variety of elaborate Chinese dishes. I used to lurk around the giant butcher block counter, excited by all the hustle and bustle; intrigued by the exotic ingredients. Stern but patient, Li tolerated my childish questions and instructed me on a few simple cooking techniques.

She taught me how to cook rice and stir fry, taking the time to instruct me in the basic knife skills required to make a whole menu of Chinese specialties. Eventually, she let me carve vegetables into garnishes and centerpieces, nodding ever so slightly when my attempts met with her approval. A nod from Li Wei was as good as a standing ovation at the theater, and she had an authoritative way about her that made everyone value her approval.

I would do her proud tonight, I thought, unpacking a new rice cooker and an electric wok. I set up a work table and put some music on, humming to myself as I chopped the vegetables and set out my ingredients. I arranged some fresh flowers in the vase and started the rice, checking the clock and smoothing my hair. I took one last glance around and left to go pick up Ethan, locking the door behind me.





“Where are you taking me?” he asked, looking around suspiciously as I pulled to a stop behind the coffee shop. He was confused when I parked the Rover between a dumpster and the fire escape in the gloomy little alley.

“Come on,” I took his hand and led him to the stairs.

Bewildered, he followed me up, “What are you up to now?” he asked. He sounded apprehensive.

I smiled at him, turning my keys in the lock. “This is my new art studio,” I told him, throwing the door open wide.

He followed me in and stood looking around silently, finally walking over to the window to look down, “We’re right over the coffeeshop.”

“I’m renting this place from Bill…” I explained, “Well… What do you think?”

He turned around, taking it all in, “So this is where you’ve been spending all your time.”

I nodded, “I needed a bigger space to make bigger paintings.”

He took another look around with a serious face.

“It needed a lot of cleaning up… Shayla helped me,” I searched his eyes, unable to read his face, “I didn’t want to put you to work…”

He came close and wrapped his arms around me, “I knew something was up.” He sighed with relief as he slumped into me, “I was afraid you were back to night surfing.”

“Oh,” I said, my voice small. I suppose I should have confessed right there, letting him know that his instincts were dead on, but I didn’t want to ruin the night with an argument about the relative merits of day vs. night surfing. I had no plans to stop either one.

He took my face in his hands and kissed me, and I forgot to worry about it.

“This place could be dangerous,” he said with a smile, looking at the big plush couch.

“The thought did occur to me,” I replied playfully, “Now why don’t you go kick back, while I make you dinner.”

“Don’t you want some help?” he asked, kissing the side of my neck. He smelled so good I started to melt into him again. I took a deep breath and steeled myself, pulling away and pointing to the couch, “Sit. Stay.”

His eyebrows popped up in mock offense, but I could hear him softly chuckling as I went over to check the rice and heat up the wok. I put a teapot full of water in the microwave and started to mince the garlic and ginger. Familiar smells filled the air as I stir-fried the Kung Pao shrimp one ingredient at a time, concentrating to remember the exact technique Li had shown me. I got out a package of special Sichuan tea and put a few scoops in the pot to steep, finally piling everything onto a bamboo tray to bring out to Ethan.

I laid everything out on the coffee table, lighting the candles and kneeling to pour the tea, finally announcing, “Li Wei’s famous Kung Pao Shrimp.”

I plunked down next to him on the couch and started to dish up two plates. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, “I thought you said you couldn’t cook,” he looked suspicious.

“No,” I faced him, “As I recall, I said, I didn’t cook.”

He laughed, “It smells good.”

I tasted the dish, satisfied it would earn Li’s subtle nod of approval. Thinking of her reminded me of Evie and I frowned, wishing she’d hurry up and get home so I could tell her what happened. I needed to know more about Marissa and Olivia. I had to find out which one was lying.

“What’s wrong?” Ethan asked, “This is great!”

“Thanks,” I smiled, putting all unpleasant thoughts out of my mind.

“So who’s Li Wei?” he asked.

We took our time eating, and I told him all about the formidable Li, as well as some of the other five-star chefs that would fly in for Evie’s lavish parties. Evie was renowned for her gracious hospitality, and she liked to arrange the food, entertainment, and decor around different themes. Whether it was an evening in a Moroccan bazaar, or springtime in Paris, her dinner parties always made the society pages.

Invitations to these affairs were coveted among the arts community, and looking back, I realized just how deftly she wielded her power, using those occasions to introduce her latest protégées to the kinds of people that would further their careers. Evie operated with a deliberateness born of an undisputed faith in her own judgment.

I questioned everything about my muse powers much more, especially after what happened with Joe and Kimo. In my experience, people were too complex to toy with in such a fashion. How could you be certain the people you championed didn’t harbor a secret dark side?

We finished eating and kicked back on the couch, drinking tea and talking about the looming school year. Ethan was on scholarship, and he planned to take the dorm room that came with it until we were married in January. He talked about looking for an apartment close to the campus that we could afford while he saved up to build our house.

“You could always come hang out here,” I said with a smile.

“Does Abby know you have this place?” he asked.

“No, just you… and Shayla… and Megan…”

He rolled his eyes and looked around skeptically, setting his cup down and patting the couch next to him invitingly. I scooted over with a smile and snuggled in under his arm.

“That was great food,” he said, stroking my hair, “Do you have any other hidden talents I don’t know about yet?”

I turned my face up and kissed his cheek, “I don’t know,” I said, “Possibly.”

He rolled towards me, wincing a little.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said, “I just tweaked my shoulder a little yesterday.”

“How?” I asked, sitting up.

“I was planting a pretty big tree.”

“Let’s see,” I squeezed his knotted muscle and he gasped.

“It’s just a little sore,” he said, turning back to me for another kiss.

“Take off your shirt,” I commanded, “I’ll give you a back rub.”

He stood up and stripped his T-shirt off, exposing his lean and muscular torso. I gestured for him to sit and climbed behind him on the couch. I started kneading his muscles the way I’d seen Evie’s masseuse work her over so many times. He groaned and grunted, shifting around uncomfortably.

“Am I hurting you?”

“In a good way,” he sighed, “Don’t stop.” He looked over at the big paintings, “That’s Hawaii, right?”

“Yeah,” I described the warm blue waters as best I could, all the while using my thumbs and palms to massage every solid spot firmly until the tension dissolved. I could feel him relax under my hands and fought the urge to start kissing his neck. “We have to go there together someday… maybe when I sell that painting I’ll take you.”

He stiffened ever so slightly, and I started kneading up his neck, combing my fingers across his scalp. He let out his breath with a long sigh, turning his face to the side, “How about we go there on our honeymoon?”

“I don’t know if I can wait that long,” I murmured, rubbing his neck and working back down to his injured shoulder. The tension between us increased and grew sweetly unbearable, until I finally had to give in to the impulse and kiss his ear.

He turned around to take me into a warm embrace, and I snuggled against his bare chest, “We have our whole lives to go places together,” he murmured in my ear, “Unless you’re planning on leaving me.”

“Why would you even say that?” I frowned.

“I dunno,” he said morosely, “The way you freaked out about Stella… It makes me wonder if maybe you’re having some second thoughts.”

I sat up, not sure what to say. Once again, I found it hard to believe he would see it that way; then I remembered how adamantly I had denied Stella’s passing. My reaction must have looked odd to him, but the double shock of losing her and realizing that I’d spoken with her ghost had floored me. Oh what a tangled web we weave, I thought. It was all because I was hiding the fact that I’d been sneaking out to surf at night.

“No” I said firmly, “Not even for one second.” I took his face in my hands and went nose to nose with him, “You’re stuck with me.”

“Good.”

He clutched me to him tightly, and I pressed my ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat speed up. I excused myself and headed over to my little corner washroom, snagging my tote on the way, and remembering how I’d wanted to bring him here before leaving for Paris. I’d let Amber spoil that night, and I gritted my teeth at the memory. She wasn’t going to come between us ever again.

I opened the tote and pulled out the silky nightgown set I’d bought in Paris. Overcome with a sudden boldness, I stripped down and slipped it on. It was lacy, clingy, and transparent, making me wonder what I could have possibly been thinking when I picked it out. I encircled my eyes with a smudgy liner pencil, fluffed up my hair, and daubed some perfume behind my ears. I brushed my hair over and over again until it shone, lingering nervously as I turned this way and that in the little antique mirror. Finally, just when I was on the verge of chickening out and putting my old sweats on, I took a deep breath, bit my lip, and came around the corner.

Ethan was fast asleep on the couch, snoring softly.

I went over to look down at him, “Ethan?” He didn’t stir.

I sat down by his side and studied him. His skin was tanned brown from working in the sun, and a lock of his tousled blonde hair fell across his forehead. I brushed it back and softly kissed his brow, drawing back to study his face. I remembered the first time I saw him, and how handsome he was; now that I knew him, he was even more beautiful to me.

I reached for a soft throw blanket, standing over him and admiring his strong arms and chest before lifting up his feet and slipping off his shoes. I covered him up with a sigh, pulling the blanket under his chin and tucking it around his side. He looked so perfect, sleeping peacefully, but I could see that he was driving himself to the point of exhaustion, and I knew that it was all my fault.

I went to go change back into my sweatpants, frowning as I pulled on my oversized T-shirt. Ethan had always been a hard worker, but he used to take the time to surf and hang out with friends. Ever since we’d made a vow to stay together forever, he’d changed. Was this what the future held for him, a relentless, pleasure-less grind?

I looked in the mirror and grimaced; apparently my sex-appeal was no match for my muse powers. If I married Ethan, I’d be dooming him to a life sentence of hard labor. I shuddered, imagining the endless toil grinding him down, robbing him of his youth, and aging him before his time.

Only seven full moons had passed since the mermaid council presented me with their ultimatum. That left me with over three more years to decide– three years to watch Ethan wear himself out while growing more and more attached to me. Tears filled my eyes.

I’d probably be doing him a favor if I slipped under the sea and never came back.

I padded back to him on bare feet, pausing for a few moments to watch the flickering candlelight reflecting off the planes of his face. I bent down to blow out the candles and squeezed back onto the couch behind him, curling my body around his. He shifted a little, and I inhaled his hair, kissing his sore shoulder. I snuggled closer to him, finally falling into an uneasy sleep.





I dreamed an electric blue sea churning under a pink sky. I floated on my surfboard in the surrealistic landscape, completely alone, rolling on endless waves of mystery that crested, but never seemed to break. A strange mermaid’s head pierced the surface, followed by another, and another, until I was surrounded.

“The best way to predict the future,” they sang, “is to create it.”