The Fate of the Muse

chapter TWENTY

RIDE





Sunlight streaming into my little room woke me up, and I rolled out of bed and hurried into the kitchen. Ethan was already there, talking with Abby and politely eating her tofu scramble. When he looked up to see me his face broke into my favorite smile, and only Abby’s presence kept me from hurling myself onto his lap.

“Good morning sunshine!” she chirped, “Let me get you a plate.”

“OK, but just a little,” I shrugged, smiling at Ethan. If he could take it, so could I. Abby set a plate of unappetizing looking white and green mush before me with a brilliant smile.

“It’s a new recipe… with kale,” she announced proudly. “Greens are very good for you.”

“Thanks,” I said, meeting Ethan’s amused eyes and taking a bite defiantly, “Where’s Dutch?”

“He had another fishing charter this morning. Boy, business sure is picking up ever since he got the new boat!”

I avoided looking at Ethan, assuming he’d still be wearing a knowing smile to tease me. I shoveled the rest of the mushy tofu in my mouth and sprang up from the table, putting my plate in the sink and announcing I was off to get dressed.

“Where are you two going today?” asked Abby.

“It’s a surprise,” Ethan told her.

I turned around with a smile, “I’ll go fetch my wetsuit.”

“Nope,” he said, “We’re not going surfing.” He got up and walked to the counter, looking back at Abby, “Do you mind if I take a couple of these?” he gestured to a bowl of small apples on the counter.

“Sure honey,” Abby smiled.

I raced for my room with a lighthearted feeling of suspense, curious as to what he had planned. I brushed my hair and slipped on some jeans, topping them with a pretty green blouse embroidered with white daisies. Ethan stood with a smile as I climbed in the truck, leaning over to plant a kiss on my cheek before he closed the door. He drove us inland, to the park in the woods at the base of the redwood forest.

“Are we going hiking?” I asked, looking down at the flimsy ballet flats on my feet.

“Nope,” he smiled at me, driving further up the country road. He continued on, turning into a gravel driveway and going under an arch with a bunch of horseshoes nailed across the span. A carved wooden sign read, “Skyline Riding Stables”. My stomach dropped, and I looked over at him with wide eyes.

“Horses? No way.”

He grinned at me, pulling into a parking area alongside a big barn and oval arena, “Yes way.”

I looked at the saddled horses standing behind the fence, and suddenly felt like I was a scared seven year old again, “I’m not going,” I announced, tensing up.

He looked surprised, “You’re kidding, right?”

I shook my head no, biting my lip, “I can’t.”

“You’re afraid of horses?” he asked incredulously.

“I had a bad experience when I was little,” I said with a shudder.

He reeled back in his seat, “Lemme get this straight… You go surfing at night… at the point… and you’re afraid of riding horses?”

“I’m not going,” I repeated.

He looked puzzled, “I thought you loved animals.”

“Not big scary ones that can hurt you.”

His brow knit together, and he got out of the car deliberately, coming around to my side and opening the door, holding out his hand, “C’mon, let’s just go see them.”

“I’m not getting on one.”

“Come on,” he said firmly, offering me his hand.

I took it and climbed out of the truck reluctantly. He slipped his arm around my waist and steered me towards the horses in the corral. One was dappled grey with a silvery mane and tail, the other, a rich chestnut brown with a white star on its forehead.

Their heads turned towards us, large brown eyes regarding us with curiosity. Ethan called to them, speaking in a low, soft voice, and I was surprised to see them turn and slowly plod towards us. I squeezed his hand a little tighter and he pulled me right up to the fence where the two horses converged on us, snorting softly through their wide nostrils.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Ethan asked as he dropped my hand and reached out to pat the gray one’s jaw. It flinched a little, but held its ground. He continued crooning soft reassuring words to the big animal, taking an apple from his other hand and passing it through the fence. The horse snuffed at it gently and delicately gripped the fruit with its lips, working it back into its mouth and chomping away happily.

Now the other horse nudged the first one out of the way, its curiosity piqued. Ethan handed me the other apple and instructed me to offer it flat on my palm.

“How do you know it won’t bite my hand off?” I asked, having noticed the size of the first one’s teeth.

“Don’t worry, they’re vegetarian,” he teased me.

“We should have brought them the tofu,” I grumbled, gingerly reaching through the fence with the apple cradled in my palm. The horse looked at me with big calm eyes and took my peace offering. Its warm breath and velvety lips tickled my palm and I giggled nervously, pulling my hand back and wiping it on my jeans.

“See?” said Ethan, “He likes you.”

“Bribery works wonders.”

I felt a little braver and reached out to stroke its cheek, running my hand down its strong neck. The horse stepped closer, lifting its head over the top rung of the fence and pressing its nose into my shoulder.

“You should ride that one,” Ethan said, laughing.

I was afraid to move, “I don’t think so.”

“Why not? It’s fun.”

I described the spill I’d taken at the polo match with a grimace. A dog had spooked the horse I was sitting on, making it bolt and rear up. I clung onto it as long as I could, but it finally flung me off, dragging me a little ways until I rolled down into a ditch. As bad as the accident was, what had really frightened me was the look on Evie’s face when she reached me.

I could still remember the blood, and the sharp sting as she picked the gravel out of my scrapes. I suppose I’d connected those feelings to the horse, and I’d avoided getting on one ever since. I knew it wasn’t very rational, but it had never really come up before today.

The horse nudged me gently, as if in sympathy, and I smiled despite myself.

“So… since when have you been such a cowboy?” I asked.

“I used to go away to summer camp a lot when I was a kid. There was always horseback riding there.”

“Really?” I was surprised. I suppose I’d always imagined him at the beach, surfing the summers away with his friends.

“I think dad needed a place to stash me when he was off working,” he said.

“After your mom left?” I asked.

“And before. I think she wanted to get rid of me too.”

I put my hand on his back, “That can’t be true,” I said softly.

He shrugged it off, turning towards me with a smile, “Remember after I got hurt… and you told me that I needed to get back on that horse?”

“That was a metaphor.”

“And this is the perfect time to practice what you preach.”

“You would remember that,” I grumbled.

“I remember everything you tell me,” he said, brushing past the horse and coming in sideways for a kiss. He wound his hands in my hair and pulled me close, covering my mouth with his. I would have followed him just about anywhere at that moment.

The sound of a throat clearing behind us brought me crashing back to reality. I looked up to see a mustachioed man, standing bow-legged and pigeon toed, regarding us with annoyed amusement.

“You my nine o’clocks?” he asked.

The next thing I knew, I was back in the saddle, and it wasn’t bad at all. My horse walked along the narrow trail behind Ethan’s, and I listened as the soft thumping of hooves on dirt pounded out a rhythm. The steady rocking motion reminded me of ocean swells, relaxing me. I might as well be on a surfboard, I thought, surprising myself by wishing we could go faster.

Ethan turned back to check on me, “How are you doing?”

I smiled, “Giddyup, cowboy.”

I saw my horse’s ears swivel back towards me at the sound of my voice, and I had the strangest sensation that it had understood me. It picked up the pace a little, nudging Ethan’s horse in the flank. I reached down to pat its neck, grateful for its calm, steady bearing. It was nothing like the high-strung, skittish polo pony I remembered.

We rode along a wooded trail, and the deeper we got into the trees the more my worries faded away. It was peaceful, and I felt tranquilized by the woodsy smell of redwoods and sharp bay leaves mingling with the musky animal scent of the horses. The steady pace lulled me into a state of torpor, and I was feeling perfectly contented when Ethan pulled to a stop in a little clearing.

He slid off the horse in one fluid motion, looping the reins over a low hanging branch. He helped me down and tied my horse as well, finally encasing me in a warm embrace.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“You were right,” I acknowledged, “It is kinda fun. But why are we stopping here?” My horse turned its head and blew a giant raspberry as if to ask the same question. Ethan’s eyes met mine and we laughed.

He took me by the hand, gesturing with his head for me to follow him down a narrow path. I could just make out the faint sound of flowing water, and we emerged from the brush to come upon a rocky creek bed with crystal clear water running over the rocks.

“I know this place,” I said.

The big boulders alongside the water were familiar, as was the path on the opposite side. Ethan had brought me here a couple of times, only not on horseback. The last time we were here we’d pledged to stay together forever, and I smiled at his romantic gesture.

“This is my favorite spot,” he said.

“How did you find it?” I asked, wondering what this place meant to him.

He led me to a smooth rock and sat me down, telling me that when he was a kid he used to ride his bike up here when he wanted to be alone.

“Being here always made me feel better,” he explained.

“When your mom left?” I prodded gently.

I’d been trying to draw him out about it for a while, but he always changed the subject, deftly sidestepping any attempt I made to find out more. He always acted like it was no big deal, but whenever I brought it up it was pretty clear that I was treading on forbidden ground. I of all people could understand his reluctance to talk about it, having a secretive side myself. Still, it was frustrating, knowing that he was keeping a part of himself hidden away from me. I couldn’t help but wonder what that part was really like.

“Just whenever I wanted to be alone,” he said lightly, looking around, “Now, I’d call it the happiest place on earth.”

“I thought that was supposed to be Disneyland,” I said, elbowing him gently.

He smiled at me affectionately, and got up to kneel alongside me.

“Ethan?” I was confused, watching as he reached in his pocket for a small box, presenting it to me.

“I love you,” he said, opening it, “Will you marry me?”

I looked down to see a large diamond sparkling as it caught the light. It looked to be well over a carat, flanked on the band by two aquamarines flashing blue and green. I was shocked speechless when I looked back up at his earnest face.

I finally managed to sputter out, “What did you do?”

I don’t think it was the reaction he was expecting.

“I got you an engagement ring.”

“But… but… this must have cost a fortune,” I gasped.

His eager eyes met mine, “Don’t you like it? I had it made especially for you.”

I took a deep breath, “Ethan it’s beautiful… but it’s too much…”

“I wanted you to have a nice one,” he said.

“What were you thinking? You need to pay off the land… And what about building your house?”

“Our house,” he said firmly, “And it can wait.”

“What on earth made you think I needed something so… so…” I stopped myself.

“I want everyone to know that I’m serious…”

“Who’s everyone?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure I knew who he meant.

“Evie doesn’t think you should be with me… And when your dad comes back I want–”

“So you got it to impress Evie? And my dad?”

“No!” he sounded hurt, and his face fell in disappointment. I felt terrible.

“Ethan…”

“I want them to know I can take care of you.”

“We can take care of each other.”

“I wanted you to have it when you told them.”

“I already told Evie,” I said, “In Paris.”

He looked surprised, “What did she say?”

I paused, not wanting to hurt him anymore, “It doesn’t matter what Evie thinks. The only thing that matters is me and you.”

He stumbled over his words, “What… what if your dad feels the same way Evie does? I mean, it’s like, I… I want them to know that I’ll do my best to be good enough for you…”

I took his hand and pulled him up to sit beside me. I slipped my arm around his waist and rested my chin on his shoulder, “You’re perfect for me, and my dad is not Evie. He’s going to love you.”

He looked doubtful.

“Ethan, it’s just…” I groped for the words, afraid to say anything else, knowing how touchy he could be when it came to money. I’d already hurt his feelings. We sat there awkwardly for a moment.

And suddenly I understood what had been going on, “OH MY GOD! So this is why you’ve been working like a dog!”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I did both. A massive wave of relief washed over me when I realized that it wasn’t my muse powers that had been making him crazy, it was his own insecurity. I suppose my situation was partly to blame for that, but this was a problem I could fix by staying around. I wasn’t going to have to leave him to save him from himself. I flung my arms around his neck and kissed him soundly.

“That’s more like it,” he gasped when we came up for air.

“I thought…” I shook my head with relief, wiping my eyes, “I thought you were working like a maniac all the time because of me.”

He smiled wryly, “I kinda was.”

“You know what I mean…” My voice lowered to a whisper, “You scared me so bad.”

“Why?” he asked, puzzled.

“Because if it was me making you that way, if it was my fault– I couldn’t watch you going through the rest of your life like that. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

He was disturbed, “What’s wrong with working hard for what you want?”

I looked at him reproachfully, “You fell asleep on me the other night.”

He chuckled, pulling me close and nuzzling my ear, “I’m sorry. Did you have plans for me?”

I looked down, mortified. My face was burning.

“Aww…” he teased me.

I stiffened up, unable to find any humor in the situation. I felt like he’d rejected me all over again, and I turned away from him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Why do you even want to marry me?” I said angrily.

“Marina,” his tone was placating, and it upset me even more. I stood up and faced him.

“Were you planning on marrying Amber too?”

He stood up indignantly, looking down at me with narrowed eyes, “How can you even say that?”

“I know you two were serious… I know you were… well… you know…”

“Oh really,” he said sarcastically, “What makes you think that?”

“I can just tell.”

I turned around, unable to look at him. I knew I was acting like a jealous fool, but I couldn’t help it. I heard him softly chuckling again, and I whirled around furiously.

He was standing there with his arms crossed, shaking his handsome head at me, “You’re wrong,” he said, “We never even got that far.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?” I snapped, echoing his own words.

“For your information,” he said dryly, “She was the first girl I really liked. I liked her a lot. A whole lot. But her father didn’t want her to have anything to do with me. He told her that my mother was a no-good whore, and that I was never going to amount to anything–”

I gasped, shocked speechless.

He went on, “He made her swear not to get too serious– he even made her wear a promise ring to remind her. I didn’t care– I was willing to wait for her. I thought she was gonna go against him, but it turned out she was just stringing me along.”

I was frozen to the spot. “I’m sorry,” I managed to whisper.

He smiled ruefully, “I’m not.”

He took my hand and led me back over to sit down, sliding onto the rock alongside me and holding up the ring box. “I got this for you because I love you and I want everyone to know it… Will you at least try it on?”

I nodded yes, speechless once again.

He took the ring from the box, taking my hand and slipping it onto my ring finger. It fit perfectly. He looked at me anxiously, searching my eyes for approval.

I burst into tears, sobbing, “I love you.”

He took my face in his hands, and this time we kissed with a new intensity. I’d already signed the contract– it was permanently etched onto my heart. Now there wasn’t the shadow of a doubt in my mind. Overwhelmed, I laid my head on his chest, emotionally spent. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

“Ethan… Promise me you’ll stop working all the time.”

“I’ll try,” he said, “But you didn’t answer me.”

I wiped my eyes again, “What?”

“I’ll only try… if you say yes.”

“I think I already did,” I said, going in for another kiss.