Send Me a Sign

“What?” I stepped out of Gyver’s hug. His intimidating stare was back, aimed at Hillary.

 

But Hil wasn’t intimidated. She was furious. Probably, she’d expected me to track her down and grovel by now, but I hadn’t. I wouldn’t. There was no point.

 

She pointed a dark-purple nail at us, waving it between Gyver and me in a sideways tsk-tsk. “I always thought you guys were hooking up, but I didn’t expect you to look so cozy right outside the gym where Ryan’s practicing.”

 

She wasn’t alone—I hadn’t noticed at first, but Lauren, Emily, Monica, and most of the squad were behind her.

 

“I wasn’t … We weren’t … We’re just friends,” I stammered.

 

“You don’t need to justify yourself,” Gyver said. “Especially not to the queen bitch.”

 

“Of course not,” Hil simpered. “Because we all know what we saw. Soon Ryan’ll know too. But that’s okay, right?”

 

The two people who used to be my best friends—attacking each other, attacking me. I was used to playing mediator between them, but I couldn’t handle that today, and what was the point anymore? The panic from my conversation with Gyver spilled over. “We’re friends. Neighbors. Gyver doesn’t think of me that way … He couldn’t.”

 

“Mi—” Gyver warned.

 

“Couldn’t? Why couldn’t he? Ohhh. Wow. I get it now.” Hil’s face lit up like she’d just solved a complex choreography dilemma. It made me nervous. “God, it finally makes sense why you two never got together.” She laughed and adopted a faux whisper. “Gyver likes guys.”

 

“What?” I squeaked. I hadn’t stopped shaking; Gyver’s “I won’t let you” rolled through my mind like a threat.

 

“Not that I’m judging,” she continued. “I think that’s great, Gyver. I should’ve known. All Mia’s unrequited, angsty pining. And her insistence that you were ‘just friends.’ But you’re gay! That is what you were saying, right, Mia?”

 

“I …” The cheerleaders were watching expectantly; Hillary standing in the front with hands propped on her hips. Escape! Every part of my mind demanded it. Instead I stared her down. “First, you’re wrong. Second, stalker much? You’ve made it clear we’re not friends anymore, so why do you even care?”

 

She blinked, and for a moment her glare slipped to a wince.

 

I slid my gaze from her to Gyver, offering my next words to both of them. “My life is none of your business. Leave me alone.”

 

And then I walked away.

 

Gyver followed. Hil did not. Even if she’d wanted to, her pride would never let her chase me in front of the other cheerleaders.

 

“Mi.” His voice was soft but condemning. “You don’t mean that. Don’t be an idiot; think about what you’re doing.”

 

I’m letting go! I cried inside. And you make that too hard. “Just leave me alone. Please. I just want you to leave me alone,” I whispered.

 

His face transformed into a stony fury I’d never seen before. “Fine. I’m done, Mia. Done. You’re not who I thought you were.” I watched him walk away from me, then turned and stumbled in the opposite direction.

 

I entered the first door I came to: the gym. Something about my face stopped Ryan in mid-drill. He froze with his hand extended toward the baseline, then stood and jogged to me. “You okay?” he asked, ignoring his coach’s whistle and calls.

 

I constructed a smile from the scraps of my self-preservation. “I missed you.”

 

“That’s all? Nothing’s wrong? ’Cause Coach’ll have my ass if I don’t get back to practice.”

 

“Can I have your keys? I don’t want to wait. My parents are out to dinner with the Russos. Have someone drop you after practice; we’ll have the house to ourselves. No interruptions today, I promise.” My manic sentences without breathing were more crazed than sexy, but I couldn’t pause. If I did, I’d think about what Gyver’d said. What I’d said … “How long till practice is over?”

 

Ryan inhaled. “Maybe I’ll fake an injury and come with you now.”

 

I laughed, but Coach Burne didn’t. “Winters! If you don’t stop flirting and get back to work, your ass won’t leave the bench till basketball season. Now, five extra.”

 

Ryan grinned. “I’ll do ten extra, but I’ve got to get my keys out of my gym bag first.”

 

 

 

I threw up in the parking lot. Gagged on the taste of my words—of the words said and those that remained unsaid. I woke up every morning with the intention of fixing things—but got into bed every night with the knowledge that I’d only made them worse. I couldn’t see any way to come back from what had happened today—I’d pushed Hil even further away. And Gyver.

 

I’m done.

 

I pulled Ryan’s car over and vomited again on the side of the road. My chest felt tight; it was hard to breathe. Maybe I was getting sick. I couldn’t think about it. I couldn’t think about any of it. I got back in the car and drove home at a reckless speed.

 

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