The motion broke my panic trance. I zipped my jeans and shoved the all-but-fallen condom deep in the pocket. Tugging Ryan’s shirt over my head, I fought the urge to hide my blushing face against his back.
Gyver was calm. I wanted to go over and shake him. He had barely looked at me, barely spoken to me since that afternoon in my living room. How could he show up now? And how could he be so composed?
He took a rag from the sink and wiped up the spilled cat food. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. Mom wanted me to invite you for dinner. I knocked. The door was unlocked. I didn’t realize you were … busy.”
I looked between Gyver’s patient cleaning and Ryan’s restless energy. The muscles in his bare back tensed all the way down to his fists. “You’re okay?” he asked, taking deep breaths.
“Mostly. I dropped the can on my toe.” I forced my voice into a laugh. Ryan’s reaction made sense. Gyver? I prepared for his judgment.
But he didn’t seem upset. He finished wiping the floor, hung the rag on the sink, scratched Jinx, then headed for the door. A week ago he’d confessed to feeling something for me. But maybe it was felt now: past tense. Over.
“I’ll tell Mom you’ve got other plans. If you’re hungry later, stop over. She made lasagna and there’s plenty. Mi—tell Ryan how good it is.” I could hear him whistling through the closed door, the tune growing fainter as he walked to his house.
Ryan slid his hand down my arm and clasped mine. He tried to laugh. “Well … that was longer than ninety seconds.”
“Sorry for giving you a heart attack.”
“Let’s lock the door.”
I grumbled as we headed back into my room. “My jeans reek of cat food.”
“I know how to fix that.” His eyes were smiling again as he unbuttoned, unzipped, and tugged them off. “Let’s see that toe.” Kneeling beside the bed, he picked up my foot, caressed a hand up the back of my calf, and brushed his lips across the inside of my knee. “Does it still hurt?”
“No.” I beckoned him to me.
“Mmm. You look better in my shirt than I do.” Ryan joined me on the pillows.
“I like you better shirtless, so that works.” I felt nervous now, wanting to joke and delay. Gyver’s lack of reaction shocked me. He’d flipped at the hospital over something innocent, but us—clearly mid-something—hadn’t made him blink. It made no sense. Unless he didn’t care anymore. I bit my lip and held my breath, willing myself to ignore the ache in my chest.
Ryan’s hand stilled on my stomach and his lips left my neck. “You’re on another planet.”
“Sorry.” I crinkled my nose and sat up. Shaking my head to clear the maybes and focus on my reality—a guy I’d initially given so little credit and who exceeded my expectations daily. A guy who loved me.
Ryan groaned. “You know, this really doesn’t make me like Gyver more.”
I kissed him softly. “It’s my fault—and he did offer lasagna. just keep picturing what would’ve happened if his mom had come instead …”
“The police chief? Okay, yeah, the moment’s pretty ruined for me too.”
“Sorry. Soon?”
“Please.” He pulled me into his arms and lay down. I nestled against him, inhaled his sunshine scent; relaxed into his fingertips rubbing my back and his warm skin against my cheek.
I woke to an empty pillow beside me and my parents’ voices in the hall.
“Kitten, are you asleep?” Mom leaned in my room and asked.
“Yes,” I mumbled.
“Did you eat, take your meds, and do your homework?”
“Yes,” I lied.
“Sweet dreams.” She kissed my cheek and felt my forehead.
But when she shut the door, I got out of bed. My restlessness had returned and sleep had fled. I didn’t have enough time and I couldn’t waste any of it.
“I don’t want to go to school today,” I told Ryan as I climbed in his car the next morning.
Ryan frowned. “Because of the girls? It’s been a week; maybe they’ve calmed down. Apologize. Talk to—”
“No.” I didn’t want to discuss it: Hil was hostile; Ally was teary-eyed polite; Lauren avoided me with obvious discomfort. At least Chris had more or less gotten over it. “Not because of them. I want you to take me to the shore, since I never made it this summer.” I reached over and turned his keys in the ignition.
“Really? You want to skip?” He gave me a disbelieving half grin. I traced his left dimple, making him smile wider and reveal its twin.
“Yes, really! Can we?” Making up for my stolen summer with a trip to the shore would be the first thing I could cross off my before list.
“Let’s do it.”
Ryan talked the whole two-hour drive. Anecdotes about the people he’d worked with, the places they’d hung out at night—clubs where the bouncers didn’t check IDs; beach houses of the week-long renters; the homes of year-rounders who were equal parts distrustful of and intrigued by the summer workers.
“Chris always threw the best parties. His mom was gone half the time, and his house is insane. If I’d known we were skipping today, I would’ve gotten him to give me the key.”