Opals face grew white with rage. Is there no end to your impudence, Mud Boy? No small-scale rebellions this time. I have a grander vision. I will lead the humans to the People. When the two worlds collide, there will be a war and my adopted people will win.
Youre a fairy, Koboi, interjected Holly. One of us. Rounded ears dont change that. Dont you think the humans will notice when you dont get any taller?
Opal patted Hollys cheek almost affectionately. My poor, dear, underpaid police officer, dont you think I thought of all this while I stewed in that coma for almost a year? Dont you think I thought of everything? I have always known that humans would discover us eventually, so I have prepared. Opal leaned over, parting her jet-black hair to reveal a magically fading seven-centimetre scar on her scalp. Getting my ears rounded wasnt the only surgery I had done. I also had something inserted in my skull.
A pituitary gland, guessed Artemis.
Very good, Mud Boy. A rather tiny, artificial human pituitary gland. HGH is one of seven hormones secreted by the pituitary.
HGH? interrupted Holly.
Human growth hormone, explained Artemis.
Exactly. As the name implies, HGH enhances the growth of various organs and tissues, especially muscle and bone. In three months, I have already grown a centimetre. Oh, maybe Ill never make the netball team, but no one will ever believe that I am a fairy.
Youre no fairy, said Holly bitterly. At heart youve always been human.
Thats meant to be an insult, I suppose. Maybe I deserve that, considering what I am about to do to you. In an hours time there wont be enough of you two left to fill the booty box.
This was a term that Artemis had not heard before. Booty box? That sounds like a pirate expression.
Opal opened a secret panel in the flooring, revealing a small compartment underneath. This is a booty box. The term was coined by vegetable smugglers, over eight thousand years ago. A secret compartment that would go unnoticed by Customs officials. Of course these days, with X-ray, infrared and motion-sensitive cameras, a booty box isnt much good. Opal smiled slyly like a child who has put one over on her teacher. Unless, of course, the box is completely constructed from stealth ore, refrigerated and equipped with internal projectors to fool X-ray and infrared. The only way to detect this booty box is to put your foot into it. So even if the LEP did board my shuttle, they would not find whatever it is I am choosing to smuggle which in this case is a jar of chocolate truffles. Hardly illegal, but the cooler is full. Chocolate truffles are my passion, you know. All that time I was away, truffles were one of two things I craved. The other was revenge.
Artemis yawned. How fascinating. A secret compartment. What a genius you are. How can you fail to take over the world with a booty box full of truffles?
Opal smoothed Artemiss hair back from his forehead. Make all the jokes you want, Mud Boy. Words are all you have now.
Minutes later, Merv brought the stealth shuttle in to land. Artemis and Holly were handcuffed and led down the retractable gangplank. They emerged into a giant tunnel, dimly illuminated by glo-strips. Most of the lighting panels were shattered and the rest were on their last legs. This section of the chute had once been part of a thriving metropolis, but now it was completely deserted and derelict. Demolition notices were pasted across various drooping billboards.
Opal pointed to one. This whole place is being torn down in a month. We just made the deadline.
Lucky us, muttered Holly.
Merv and Scant prodded them wordlessly along the chute with their gun barrels. The road surface beneath their feet was buckled and cracked. Swear toads clustered in damp patches, spouting obscenities. The roadside was lined with abandoned concession stands and souvenir shops. In one window, human dolls were arranged in various warlike poses.
Artemis stopped, despite the gun at his back. Is that how you see us? he asked.
Oh no, said Opal. Youre much worse than that, but the manufacturers dont want to scare the children.
Several huge hemispherical structures squatted at the end of the tunnel, each one the size of a football stadium. They were constructed of hexagonal panels, welded together along the seams. Some panels were opaque, others were transparent, and each panel was roughly the size of a small house.
Before the hemispheres stood a huge arch with strips of tattered gold leaf hanging from its frame. A sign hung from the arch, emblazoned with two-metre-high Gnommish letters.
The Eleven Wonders of the Human World, declared Opal theatrically. Ten thousand years of civilization, and you only manage to produce eleven so-called wonders.
Artemis tested his handcuffs. They were tightly fastened.
You know of course that there are only seven wonders on the official list.
I know that, said Opal testily. But humans are so narrow-minded. Fairy scholars studied the video footage and decided to include the Abu Simbel Temple in Egypt, the Moai Statues in Rapa Nui, the Borobudur temple in Indonesia and the Throne Hall of Persepolis in Iran.