Troll nasty, responded Opal.
The Fowl Manor intruder made a loud sucking noise, then discarded the remains of an entire rack of lamb.
Not good, he said. This is really bad.
Butler cocked his weapon, aiming it squarely at the intruder.
Its about to get worse, he said.
Butler sat the intruder in one of the studys leather armchairs, then pulled a second chair round to face him. From the front, this little creature looked even stranger. His face was basically a mass of wire-like hair surrounding eyes and teeth. The eyes occasionally glowed red like a foxs, and the teeth looked like two rows of picket fencing. This was no hairy child, this was an adult creature of some sort.
Dont tell me, sighed Butler. Youre an elf.
The creature sat up straight. How dare you! he cried. I am a dwarf, as you very well know.
Butler thought back to Artemiss confusing message.
Let me guess. I used to know you, but somehow I forgot. Oh yes, the fairy police wiped my mind.
Mulch burped. Correct. Youre not as slow as you look.
Butler raised the gun. This is still cocked, so less of the lip, little man.
Pardon me, I didnt realize we were enemies now.
Butler leaned forward in his chair. We were friends?
Mulch thought about it. Not at first, no. But I think you grew to love me for my charm and noble character.
Butler sniffed. And personal hygiene?
Thats not fair, objected Mulch. Do you have any idea what I had to do to get here? I escaped from a sub-shuttle and swam a couple of miles in freezing cold water. Then I had to break into a blacksmiths in the west of Ireland about the only place they still have blacksmiths and snip off my mouth ring. Dont ask. Then I burrowed across the entire country to find out the truth about this entire affair. And when I get here, one of the few Mud Men that I dont feel like taking a bite out of is pointing a gun at me.
Hold on a minute, said Butler. I need to get a tissue to wipe my eyes.
You dont believe any of this, do you?
Do I believe in fairy police and pixie conspiracies and tunnelling dwarfs? No, I dont.
Mulch reached slowly inside his jumpsuit, pulling out the gold-plated computer disk.
Maybe this will open your mind.
Butler turned on one of Artemiss Powerbooks, making sure the laptop was not connected to any other computer by wire or infrared. If this disk did contain a virus, then they would lose only one hard drive. He cleaned the disk off with a cleaner spray and cloth, sliding it into the multi-drive.
The computer asked for a password.
This disk is locked, said Butler. Whats the password?
Mulch shrugged, a French stick in each hand. Hey, I dont know. Its Artemiss disk.
Butler frowned. If this really was Artemiss disk, then Artemiss password would open it. He typed in three words. Aurum potestas est. Gold is power. The family motto. Seconds later the locked disk icon was replaced by a window containing two folders. One was labelled Artemis, the other Butler. Before the bodyguard opened either, he ran a virus check just in case. The check came up clean.
Feeling strangely nervous, Butler opened the folder with his name on it. There were over a hundred files on it. Mostly text files, but some video too. The largest file was labelled view me first. Butler double-clicked that file.
A small Quicktime player opened on the screen. In the picture, Artemis was seated at the very desk which the laptop rested on. Bizarre. Butler clicked the play triangle.
Hello, Butler, said Artemiss voice. Either that or a very sophisticated fake. If you are watching this, then our good friend Mister Diggums has come good.
You hear that? spat Mulch through a mouthful of bread. Good friend Mister Diggums.
Quiet!
Everything you think you know about this planet is about to change, continued Artemis. Humans are not the only sentient beings on Earth; in fact we are not even the most technologically advanced. Below the surface are several species of fairy. Most are possibly primates, but I have not had an opportunity to conduct medical examinations as yet.
Butler could not hide his impatience. Please, Artemis. Get to the point.
But more of that at another time, said Artemis, as if he had heard. There is a possibility that you are watching this at a time of peril, so I must arm you with all the knowledge that we have gathered during our adventures with the Lower Elements Police.
Lower Elements Police? thought Butler. This is all a fake. Somehow its fake.
Again the video-Artemis seemed to read his thoughts. In order to verify the fantastical facts that I am about to reveal, I will say one word. Just one. A word that I could not possibly know unless you had told me. Something you said as you lay dying, before Holly Short cured you with her magic. What would you tell me if you lay dying, old friend? What would be the single word you would say?