“No, baby. It’s one of the best things you could ever wish for in life. He’s nearing forty, but Sterling is and always will be my baby. I don’t care what anybody says. I’ll always remember the day he was born, his first day of school, and every other important milestone he’s had, and I’ll hold those close to my heart.”
“Lucky Dad,” I say with a biting tone. It’s great that she remembers all this shit about my dad, but I’m betting my mom doesn’t remember a damn thing about me. Not that she was there for any of my milestones, except my birth. I’m pretty sure she didn’t have the option to ditch out of that. Grandma wraps her arms around me and pulls me in. I let myself sink into her and take a deep breath so I don’t tear up.
“Missing your mom?” she asks. I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to answer that question. I have nothing to miss, but the idea of Grandma being less available is fucked up. It’s making me feel bad, which is why I don’t like talking about Layla. “You got screwed out of a mom, but my son got screwed out of a dad. We do the best we can with what we have, and maybe you don’t have Layla, but you do have someone damn special.”
“My grandma,” I say. I press my eyes into her button-up to dry the tears that are forming in my eyes.
“Nah, someone whose clothes you actually want to steal. You have Holly.”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” I say quietly.
“You might not understand this just yet, but a mother isn’t always the one who gives birth to you. She’s the one who fights for you even when you don’t want her to, and that woman has been fighting for you since before she even met your dad, and when he got in her way, she ran right over him.”
She’s right. I do have Holly. And Holly does fight for me. In everything. Truth be told, it wasn’t until recently that I realized how much Grandma’s been gone. She spends a few more minutes telling me how much she loves Holly, not just for Dad, but for me as well. I want to ask her if she’s seeing someone, but I figure I can always get it out of Holly later. She’s likely to be more truthful anyway.
When she’s gone, I slip back into my thoughts. If Grandma’s dating, that means everybody around here is getting some except for me. Even my freaking grandmother. People with gray hair and wrinkles should not have a better love life than I do. They really shouldn’t.
The last time Jeremy and I snuck away for a little while, we spent a few hours on Glass Beach just watching the water and talking about everything from his favorite superhero as a little boy to my favorite pastry. It’s sort of become our spot. Somewhere in there we started talking about the future, but that went to a place I don’t really want to go, so I changed the subject, and now I know more about Ryan’s relationship drama than I ever wanted to know—not that I wasn’t already aware of most of it. The future is a scary subject because there’s so much that I want in life, but the only thing I need is Jeremy. And I don’t know how to say that without everybody thinking I’m a foolish child who’s going to regret her choices. I’d much rather stick my head in the sand and let those pesky school deadlines pass so I can pretend I just missed the admissions cut-off as opposed to the truth—that I can’t imagine going to school so far away. Despite how attractive San Francisco once sounded, now it’s just too far away.