Jeremy kicks at the sand in front of him and mouths, “Fuck.” He hasn’t met my eyes, which may not be so bad after all. At least if he’s not looking at me I don’t have to see his eyes. He’s in trouble and, from the sound of it, lots of it—and it’s my fault.
Shame assaults me for not even thinking about the fact that Jeremy was supposed to be working this afternoon. I know he got in trouble when he picked me up from the Jennings’ house. He was supposed to be on security detail that afternoon, but instead he was picking me up. Dad was so pissed he even grounded me over that because I lied to Dad and told him I begged Jeremy not to tell anyone I’d left the house without a detail on me. Knowing how pissed Dad was that day, I should have stopped Jeremy earlier when we left the clubhouse. If he’s not going to think of the consequences of going rogue, then I’ll have to do it for him.
“Miss Priss was in trouble,” he says.
It’s weak, and Duke knows it. He gives Jeremy the riot act about responsibility and makes a snide remark indicating that maybe Jeremy isn’t mature enough for his cut yet.
“It was a fucking emergency.”
But Duke doesn’t care. He’s fired up, and it sounds like there’s no stopping him as he says, “Not my fuckin’ problem. Good luck explaining this shit to the Pres.”
The call ends, and Jeremy just sits there, staring at his phone. I don’t push him to move or speak. I just watch as he mentally chides himself for fucking up with the club. Regret and sorrow fill me up until I’m choking on my own self-deprecation. Maybe I should stop poking into things if having to save my ass every time I find myself in hot water is going to get Jeremy into trouble. If there’s one thing he wants more than anything else, it’s his top rocker. I don’t want to be the reason it doesn’t happen for him.
CHAPTER 19
March
13 months to Mancuso’s downfall
It’s been bliss, just being with Jeremy these past several weeks. I wasn’t sure about his commitment to us at first. Everything had begun so rocky that I almost couldn’t believe he was for real. Above anything else, I wanted to believe him. He’d confided in me, saved me—more than once—and he’d protected me from my dad and the club finding out what I’ve been doing. But he’s still Jeremy, and his reputation leaves something to be desired. After a few weeks, Holly sat me down and asked me what was going on. Every time he’d leave for work or for home, my mood would make a drastic turn and I’d sulk for the next day or two.
As a prospect, he’s busy. I get it. Nic just had her and Duke’s baby—a little girl they named Robin. She was born just two days after my eighteenth birthday, and holy crap, is she freaking cute. I’ve only seen her twice in the week since she’s been born, but I love her already. Holly and I went shopping for baby gifts, and I already know Dad’s in major trouble because Holly totally has baby fever. I’d kill for a sibling so that somebody else on this planet can understand the pain of having Sterling Grady for a father.
When Jeremy isn’t pulling sixty-plus-hour weeks at the shop and doing God knows what else for the club, he’s on baby duty. I just want… time with my boyfriend. And now that I’ve gotten my GED test results back and I’ve passed, I have more time to spend with him—not that I actually spend more time with him since Duke’s passing off baby chores on him. Apparently baby crap smells worse than big people crap, which is nasty. I don’t even know how it’s possible considering the clubhouse bathrooms are always questionably unclean.
It’s not really club business—making Jer babysit—so technically not a part of his duties with the club, but I’m not about to tell Duke that. I believe the phrase Duke used was “own your balls and asshole.” So instead I whined to Holly about it. I told her all about how I worry what he’s doing when I’m not around, and who he’s doing it with. I told her I want more time with him—more alone time—and that no matter how he swears he’s been faithful, I’m terrified to find out he’s not been. He’s so freaking hot and such a great kisser, and even though I haven’t gotten all that far with his lower half, I’ve seen it up close, and it’s mighty impressive. Then again, what do I know? But telling him it’s big and thick seems to make him happy, so I don’t question my judgment.
Holly was gentle but firm in her assessment. Part of me wished Grandma had been available to talk to, but when I tried, she didn’t even know Jeremy and I were a thing. She said last she checked, I still hated him after he was an epic douche canoe. She’s been so absent lately that I’m starting to think she’s seeing someone.