ANXIOUS, I CHECKED THE ROAST in the oven for the second time in ten minutes. Any second, Ella would be walking through the door and I wanted more than anything for her to like me. Even if Ian and I didn’t have a future, some part of me hoped for a lasting friendship. I lost everything when I left New York and severed ties with everyone I thought was close to me, but Ian and I were a different kind of close. He understood me like no one else in my life ever had, including Jasmine. He knew me intimately and touched me in ways I needed. He knew my secrets, my fears and asked me constantly what my hopes were, to which I had no reply. I never thought past getting through my days when I arrived on the island. And now it seemed I had a whole different life in front of me. I didn’t tell him my hopes because the truth was I wasn’t sure. For the first time in my life, it wasn’t mapped out, which was both amazing and a bit terrifying. But I had learned I didn’t need big dreams and accomplishments to matter. And his question was more geared toward my happiness, I knew it without him telling me. So, when it came to hopes, I would let them evolve just like I had when I set foot in St. Thomas. And maybe before he left, I would have something to share. Even when our time ended, I hoped to remain a part of his life, even if it meant I would have to witness him living it with someone else.
His friendship was a rare gift when it came to acceptance. While a part of me knew I was in love with him, a larger part of me knew that for some reason, when I was six-years-old I was gifted with a best friend who later turned into a soulmate. We spent the first month together at odds, but the last few weeks had been some of the most blissful days of my entire life. When I knocked off work, I raced home without a clue as to where our night would lead. It was different from the predictability I learned to count on every day, but oddly the new routine felt just as safe because of Ian.
And the fact that I had never been in love played a large part of the reason for my happiness. I tried not to dwell on it due to the impending heartbreak, but the truth was I had never experienced the constant pounding heart, desire, the elation, the need, the torturous want, the playful comfort. All of that, from the time I was in my teens, was stripped from my life by my ambitious schedule and the aftermath of trying to keep up with it. There had been boyfriends, a few of them memorable but never had I ever felt such an attraction to a man. I’d never in my life been inspired the way I was by Ian. His ability to make me feel everything with a single look was unparalleled by any before him.
I was weeks away from thirty years old and had just found my first love.
And my soulmate.
But not my forever.
The front door opened as I lit a candle, and Ian and Ella appeared. I waved my hello frantically and Ella rushed to my side. We both hesitated briefly before we hugged.
I took my time signing my greeting.
I’m so happy you are here.
She began frantically signing as her father corrected her while talking. He made a fist with one hand and slid spaced fingers over it toward him.
“Slow, Ella. She’s only been doing this for two weeks.”
She turned back to me and signed with the letter S rubbing her chest.
Sorry.
I signed back.
It’s okay.
She spoke then. “We can practice more while I’m here.”
“I would love that.”
“Can I see the puppy?”
“Of course.” I moved to the bedroom where I had locked Disco in so I could mop the floors and jumped out of my skin when Ella shrieked. Ian had told me Ella was unbelievably loud at times. I shook my head at my foolish reaction and Ian gave a wink. “It’s okay, beautiful. She startles me too at times.”
“You aren’t allowed to talk when you know she can’t hear you. It’s disrespectful.”
“I can’t call you beautiful in front of her.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Right. It’s bad manners. You must have a good teacher.”
“He’s the best.” I managed to sign that part and Ella caught it.
“Who is the best?”
“Your dad, for teaching me.”
She lifted her hands. I’ll be a better teacher.
“I bet.”
I poked her shoulder to get her attention as she fawned over the dog. Do you like… I took my time spelling out pot roast because I had no idea what the sign was. I was only halfway through the letters when she nodded.
“You knew what I was signing?”
She nodded again. “Of course.”
“Wow. I hope I get that sharp with the language.”
“You will,” Ian assured.
We sat at the table as Ian and Ella went back and forth signing while talking at the same time so I could understand their conversation. I felt oddly emotional as I watched their interaction. It was like watching the most important part of Ian in those moments with his daughter. Their love was palpable, their relationship completely unique. They were close, as close as two people could be within the boundaries of a parent/child relationship. Although close with my own father, we never talked so candidly. Ian had told me that deaf people don’t often beat around the bush and can sometimes come off as brash or rude, but most were just naturally and brutally honest. Since my classes with Ian started, I’d been learning a little about the deaf culture and it had only piqued my curiosity.
“You are such an asshole, Daddy,” Ella said, leaving me with wide eyes to gauge his reaction. Ian didn’t seem offended in the least which made me laugh. They both looked at me with matching grins.
“What?” Ella asked.
“You just called your dad an asshole. And while I agree, I’m surprised you get away with it.”
“Not nice,” Ian scolded me before he looked at Ella. “Do you want to tell the story?”
Ella nodded. “If I speak funny, tell me, okay?”
“You sound perfect.” I signed the word good.
“Don’t lie, Koti, that doesn’t help me grow.”
I sat shocked but then nodded. “Okay, you sound pretty damn good for someone who’s never heard a single sound.”
She immediately turned to Ian. “I like her.”
“Me too,” he said, his eyes darkening as he looked over at me. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks.
Ella picked up on the chemistry. “You two are more than friends. When are you going to break it to me?”
I choked on a sip of water as Ian shook his head and spoke. “Tell the story, brat.”
“Okay fine.” Ella turned to me. “He wanted dad to be my first sign. He spent a long time trying his best to make me do it.”
I stuck my thumb to my forehead the rest of my fingers pointing up at the ceiling and then pulled it away a half inch.
“Close, you don’t have to touch your forehead with your thumb, but yes, that’s the sign for dad.”
I nodded.
“From what Daddy says, I wasn’t good at lifting my thumb up to reach my forehead and instead of having my finger straight out… I’ll show you.” She took my hand and closed my thumb and pointer in a circle while leaving the other fingers open and spaced apart.
“This is the sign for asshole, isn’t it?”
Ella laughed so loudly next to me I fought myself to keep from jumping in my seat.
“Yes. I’ve been calling him an asshole since I was little, and he got used to it.”
“It was the only time I was ever happy she couldn’t talk,” Ian said with an embarrassed shake of his head.
“But you made sure I knew how to say it,” Ella said with a giggle.
“Yes, I did.” He was a proud dad, it leaked out of his every pore. I briefly wondered what it would be like to raise another human being. I never imagined it for myself, but Ian had done it. And from what I could tell, he’d done it well.
“So, are we sleeping here?”
“Yes, Grandma’s house is rented for the rest of the summer,” Ian answered. I tried to concentrate on his signing as he spoke. They were both too fast. Ian noticed my frown before he slowed down, which earned him a smile from me.
I loved his patience, the way he cared for me and those around him. He may have wanted to be selfish, but that was one thing Ian wasn’t. And because I couldn’t handle another second of watching him without expressing exactly what I loved about him, I excused myself and cleared the dishes. Ian spoke up.
“Ella’s got dish duty. That’s a rule.”
At your house. I managed to sign. “She’s on vacation.”
Ian’s jaw ticked and I did damage control. “Just for tonight.”
He nodded and gave her a pointed look. “Wipe the table. And don’t forget your manners.”
She nodded before she turned to me. “Thank you so much for dinner”
“You are most welcome.”
She then tilted her head at Ian. “Sir, may I be excused?”
“Yes, brat.”
Ella joined me at the sink. “Marines,” she cooed in what she thought was a whisper. Her father slashed his hand through the air and I gave her big eyes and brought her to me in a protective hold while she giggled.
Ian narrowed his eyes at me as he made his way toward his bedroom. “Don’t encourage her.”