And with that, he passed out cold.
I stood stunned as I watched his breathing. Never had I thought he was capable of feeling for me the way I did for him. But I had to remember they were the ramblings of a drunk and confused man. Even so, his confession filled me with a warmth that I didn’t expect.
I took off his other sneaker and once I was sure he was comfortable, made my way to the kitchen. Julian was closing the fridge door with a water in hand. “Advil and a bottle of water before bed and you’ll never have a hangover.” He grinned, and I returned it.
“Have fun today?”
“Too much. I love the Virgin Islands, you’re lucky to live here.”
“Jasmine told me you live in Iowa.”
“Yeah, I run a farm with my dad. He’s getting ready to retire.”
“Do you like it?”
“Love it, wouldn’t dream of living anyplace else. I’ve seen the world and I like my version best. But yours doesn’t suck. Want me to grab you something?”
“I’ll take a water.” Sitting on the other side of the island, I thanked him when he passed me the bottle and took a long drink.
“Ian got drunk early, try not to hold it against him.”
“Does he always get so philosophical when he drinks?”
“Only when he’s got something to think about. Today I’m thinking it was you?”
My cheeks heated slightly, but Julian was easy to talk to and far from hard to look at. He was shirtless and had an incredible build. I was happy Jasmine’s last fix was with a man that hot, and for the most part he seemed to be intuitive and kind.
“He’s a stand-up guy, but a bit opinionated and a little arrogant.”
Raising my pointer and thumb, I showed Julian an inch. He pushed my fingers wider apart and we both laughed.
“Did you know his wife?”
Julian nodded. “I was his best man.”
I left the question open because I was dying to know if his presence here had anything to do with her.
“He didn’t tell you why he was here, did he?”
Intuitive Julian. I liked him.
“I bet you’re the peacekeeper of the crew.”
“Yep, Drew is the clown, Doug is the “always up for it” guy. I’m the peacekeeper and Ian is the thinker.”
“I love that you guys still keep in touch.”
“Ian’s passed on most of our trips over the years, but he surprised us all with the invite out here.”
“Why do you think he passed?”
“His daughter. Always Ella. He’s a helicopter dad and won’t miss anything when it comes to her. None of us blame him.”
Finishing my water, I stood and threw it in the trash.
“I will tell you this. He’s not here because of his ex-wife.”
I nodded.
“But he’s been through hell because of her and the damage she’s done is going to fuck with him for some time.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure.”
“As long as we’re giving fair warning, you should know Jasmine’s in a… strange place.”
“We’ve been talking most of the night.”
“Okay, cool,” I said, relieved to be off the hook. “Well, see you in the morning.”
He pushed off from the counter. “Night.”
I got halfway to the hall when he spoke up. “Koti?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for having us.”
“Of course. I had fun.”
“And just in case you need to hear it from someone who knows him, you won’t be easily forgotten.”
But I would be forgotten, at least that’s the way I interpreted it. Unable to think of Julian as spiteful or having any reason to hurt me, my new hopes, even with Ian’s confession of falling, were obliterated. Though I was confused, I refused to ask Julian for a better explanation. I’d already shown too much vulnerability when it came to Ian. I’d given Julian a rock to my glass house and he’d used it.
“Night, Julian.”
“Night.”
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, brat.
Pain ripped through my chest and threatened my smile as I stared at my daughter on the screen. How many of his features did she have? Were any of her traits, the ones I thought were mine, his? Her smiles, especially those I earned, were those as hard-pressed to get from him? Did she suspect anything? Tara obviously hadn’t told her.
You look happy.
I am happy. It’s beautiful here. I can’t wait for you to come.
Next week?
Yes. I’ll be waiting at the airport. Are you sure you’re okay with flying alone?
She rolled her eyes and I cut my hand through the air to tell her that was not okay. It was a sign of disrespect and she got away with little in the way of that.
Sorry.
Forgiven.
Her beautiful smile faltered by the presence of someone coming into her bedroom.
Mom’s here, she wants to talk to you.
Later. I want to know how things are going. One more week until school is out. Are you excited?
Hell yes.
Language.
I reprimanded her even though I often let her get away with calling me an asshole. It was a long-running joke between us.
Do you love Koti?
No. Why would you ask that?
You can’t lie to me, Dad. You look happy and she’s behind you, staring at you.
That’s because she’s fascinated by sign language.
You should teach her.
I will.
Good.
What else is new?
Mom keeps asking me if I like Houston. I don’t want to move; all my friends are here.
I’m working on that.
Work harder.
Easy, brat. I’m not going to let her move the two of you without a fight. But that’s our business.
My business too.
True. But trust me to handle it.
She signed okay, but I could see the fear in her eyes which only infuriated me. It was only natural for Tara to move on and build a new life for herself, but her selfish choices were always an issue when it came between our daughter’s happiness and her own.
Are you getting excited about Washington?
Yes. They had us start writing to our camp roommates to get to know them before we went. I have a pen pal, her name is Melissa and she goes to The School for the Deaf and Blind in South Carolina. She might be going to DC next year too for the program so we can be friends.
Do you think you’ll like her?
I think so. Not sure.
No boys.
Dad!
If you roll your eyes again, you’ll be grounded.
Fine. But Jessica gets to date.
I’m not Jessica’s father.
Why are you so hard on me about this?
You know why.
I’m deaf, not stupid.
Exactly.
Then why can’t you trust me? What if I like a hearing boy?
No boys period. Let’s talk about something else.
She blew her bangs out of her eyes and nodded. Are you staying in St. Thomas for the whole summer?
Yes, and you know you can come here with me instead of Washington. I would love it.
She was already shaking her head.
That was a quick decision. Don’t worry about my feelings being hurt. I bulged my eyes and she laughed. That sound would forever be the best sound of my life.
Sorry. I just don’t want you hounding me. You are the fun police.
Have I lost my little girl already? I finished signing slowly. My devastation unintentional.
Daddy? What’s wrong?
Nothing, baby. I’m just sad you’re growing up so fast.
Mom keeps telling me she wants to talk.
I shook my head. I’ll call her later. I’ll see you at the airport.
Can’t wait. Love you.
Love you so much. Be safe and get to me in one piece, okay?
She rubbed her chest with the sign of the P. Promise.
You are my heart, Ella Danielle Kemp.
You are my heart, Daddy Asshole.
I laughed as the screen cut off and then spoke to the sun-kissed beauty behind me.
“Ella says you were staring at me during our whole conversation.” I glanced back at the island where Koti stood peeling potatoes, her cheeks reddening.
“I love to watch you two sign, it’s fascinating.”