I head to the kitchen and make us both a coffee, it’s only 6.30 so I take them back to the bedroom. He hasn't moved, he's still lying in the same position as I left him. I put his coffee on the bedside table and go sit in the chair by the window so that I can watch my beautiful boy sleep for five more minutes before I wake him.
What a pair we are. Both of us fucked up by people that we should have been able to trust. So what does all this mean for us? We both now know each other’s deep dark, dirty secrets, but so what, does it matter, does it change things? We both now know that we’re a pair of fucked up people and it actually doesn’t change a thing, I still love him despite all of the Jackie shit, in fact, I love him more because of it and I know he loves me and armed with that knowledge, I know I can face anything, fuck everyone else. I don't care that he's younger than me, I don't care that I've only just ended my marriage and jumped straight into this relationship and I don't care what anyone else thinks, like Gabe keeps telling me, fuck them all. Right at this moment in time, I feel, utterly blessed, as I look at him, this boy, my lover, this beautiful, kind, loving person, I feel blessed, that right at the moment my world fell apart, right at the moment I was at my lowest, he found me, Gabriel, my love, my angel, fell from the sky and landed at my feet and I don't intend ever letting him go!
I climb back into bed beside him and put his arm back around me and slide my leg back under his. I kiss him gently on the mouth. Without even opening his eyes, he smiles as he pulls me into him and kisses me back, he holds me so tight, I can barely breathe, his hands and his mouth are all over me.
“I love you so much Lauren, don't ever leave me”
“I love you too and I'm not going anywhere, ever”
~
An hour later, I'm waving him good bye as he leaves for work. I have a lazy morning trawling through the Internet, trying to source furniture, accessories, paint, flooring, and lighting for the Palmers house. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do with the place; I just need to find the pieces. I try to get Ryder on the phone but my call just goes to message bank, I phone my doctors and manage to get an appointment for Tuesday late morning, I phone Jo, Jemma and Lulu and give them all the details on my week with Ava and how we got along, I tell them about meeting the rest of the family at the weekend, omitting the details I have discovered about Gabe’s past. We arrange to meet up Friday night for dinner and drinks. Jemma tells me that Max has been for a beer with Jay over the weekend and that he knows that I'm with someone else and he is livid. Max told him straight up that it was his own fault and that he didn't deserve me, which didn't go down too well, go Maxi Boy. I text him after my calls and tell him thanks for sticking up for me, he texts me back with 'Your welcome Lauren, I feel really bad that I didn't work out what was going on .... But please be careful, he is beyond angry with you x'
Shit, I should check my old phone for messages but first I need to call my mum, I have been putting it off and putting it off but it needs to be done. I get her number from my phone, which I am surprised is still working; I thought Jason would have had it cut off as he pays my bill. There are a quite a few messages on there, most from Jason, I will listen to them later, let’s get my mother out of the way first.
My relationship with my mum is strained at the best of times; I have never measured up in her eyes, me getting pregnant at a young age was a huge disappointment for her, despite the successful businesses Jason and I had gone on to run, whilst dealing with the pressures of parenthood, she had never really forgiven me and what made things harder was the love and support my dad had given us. I had grown up all of my life knowing I was his favourite, even my brothers and sister had been aware of the fact and it was always a standing joke amongst the family. My dad had died from a massive heart attack when I was thirty and my close, happy family had imploded. Both of my brothers had gone back to the UK to live and my sister had moved interstate to the north central coast of New South Wales. Each and every one of them had failed marriages behind them, all happening after the death of my dad and now I was going to call and tell her that I was also shit at marriage too. Mum had remarried an Aussie a couple of years back and pretty much abandoned us all. I think she felt her time was done raising us and she had a new chance of happiness and she was going to take it. She and Dave lived in Bendigo a city North West of Melbourne, about a four hour drive from me. It was classed as a city but was more like a big country town and quite beautiful. But the distance had meant I didn’t see her very often and our phone calls had become less and less frequent as she had become less and less interested in my life and more involved with Dave and his grown up children and grandchildren.
I use my new phone so my mum doesn’t recognise the number, just in case she already knows what has gone on and doesn’t want to talk to me. She picks up on the third ring.
“Hi mummy, it’s Lauren, your daughter”