She heads straight for us, not taking her eyes off me.
“Gabriel, good to see you and this must be Lauren, is it? Glad you could join us” I don't believe she means that for a minute, her stare is cold, her tone icy, I can't quite put my finger on it but there's something off. She's still got her eyes on me as she offers her hand, I'm far too polite to do anything other than smile.
“Hi Jackie” as I take it and then I watch her as she leans in to kiss Gabe on the cheek, he leans back, out of her reach, I can feel his whole body tense, he really doesn’t like this woman. She steps back and looks at him, up and down, then right into his eyes and there it is, I know that look, I've been watching it on women's faces for years, when they've looked at my husband and my sons as they have gotten older but more recently I have seen it almost constantly these past weeks, on the face of just about every woman that's looked at Gabriel. It's desire. She fucking fancies her own stepson. Is that why he has issues with her? Wow, that has to be awkward for him and wrong on so many levels, she’s his step Mum for crying out loud, she’s been with Charlie since Gabe was just fifteen, fifteen, my eyes fly to meet his. My heart stutters in my chest and my stomach roils. Fifteen, no, no way? I am aware of the sound of air or my own blood or something, rushing through my ears, blocking out all other sound, I lean back with one hand on the bench as a million different thoughts hit my brain.
It was her, do the math, she's the one, it adds up. No, surely not.
Sam appears at my side, but I ignore her, I need to focus on this horrible, nasty, little thought that has now popped into my overactive mind.
50-35=15, he said he was fifteen; Fifteen years old when he got his first blow job. From an older woman, it was her, his own step mother.
No, surely not, I’ve got this all wrong, I must have it wrong, I really want to be wrong but what if I haven’t? Was it him or was it her that instigated it, did it matter, did they have sex?
No, I’ve got it wrong, he wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t. I’m wrong, I’ve got to be wrong.
I can barely breathe, all these thoughts are banging around my brain in a matter of seconds and I feel unsteady on my feet. I gulp my wine as sound starts to penetrate my ears again and I hear her say.
“ ... Well okay but it’s good you could make it today, you know it's always good to see you Gabriel, we don’t see you enough, I was saying this to your Father just yesterday” she reaches out and puts her hand on his forearm but he moves it away as I look up at him.
Game over, I want to be sick. My blood runs cold.
“Lauren, we'll have a proper catch up in a bit, I need to start getting some food organised for my hungry family”
I manage a slight smile.
He very slowly raises his eyes from his arm where she touched him, up to meet mine again and as soon as he looks at me, my worst fears are absolutely confirmed. His own fucking step mother. Unconsciously, I’m shaking my head at him and he knows that I know. I feel sick, I feel dizzy, I'm hot, I'm cold, and my legs are barely holding me up. My blood feels like it’s being drained from my body and replaced with something else, what, what is it running through my veins? I don’t know but it’s as cold as ice and burns like fuck. My head is swimming; I feel like I might actually pass out. How could I have been so stupid? This is all just a game to him, how many others, how many more married women have there been? But that's not the issue, that's not what's made my stomach churn, it’s her and him together, his own stepmother. How could he do that, with her and knowing that he had, how could he let me walk in here, into the middle of all this, why did he bring me here? I want to leave, I want to run far, far away. He whispers from beside me “Lauren, please let me...”
“Don't” I say through gritted teeth “Just don't Gabe” a tear rolls down my cheek as I blink and I quickly brush it away before anyone notices. I’m hurt and I am so fucking angry with him but mostly at myself, what a fucking idiot I have been, I just want to get out of here, but I need to calm myself first. I turn and walk over to the fridge, I take out the bottle, intent on pouring myself a very large glass of my favorite wine, the wine that my oh so thoughtful 'Baby' has had delivered especially for me, I actually feel bile rise in my throat and I swallow to keep it down. My hot sweaty palms grip around the bottle. I take deep breaths and try again to clear my head, as I turn around Sam is beside me, she takes the bottle out of my hand and pours my drink, she passes my glass back to me and picks up her own and fills it. She looks at me and says “Lauren, it wasn't his fault”