“Did you have any idea that she wanted to break up?”
I looked at Grace shocked. She thought it was Tegan. Of course she did, Grace was happy that I was happy, but I could see what she wasn’t saying. She thought Tegan would hurt me. Well, I was the arsehole in this one. “I broke up with her, Grace. She didn’t want to. I didn’t want to either but I had to.”
She sat down, crossing her legs. “Why did you have to?”
“Because of Simon. I’m stopping her from dealing with it, I can see that now. I thought I was helping but I wasn’t. Before she can focus her attention on someone else she needs to be able to take care of herself.”
“But I thought you were helping. I mean, before you got together she was sleeping around and–”
“Yeah, okay,” I said, cutting her off. I didn’t need to hear about that or talk about how shit scared I was that she’d go back to it. “She wasn’t really dealing with it though, was she? Christ, Grace, she tried to end her own life.”
She thought about it for a minute and nodded. “I think you’ve done the right thing. She didn’t though, huh?” I shook my head and stared up at the ceiling. That was an understatement. “So, what happens now?”
I looked back at my twin. “I wait and hope she still wants me when she’s dealt with everything.” Grace bit her lip. “Just say it.”
“Okay. What if she doesn’t?”
Blowing out a deep breath, I replied, “I don’t know. Whatever happens I’ll be alright, so don’t worry about me.”
Tilting her head to the side, she pursed her lips. “I’ll always worry about you.”
“So, you thought she’d be the one to break up with me?”
Wincing, she said, “Sorry. I like Tegan, I do, but I don’t like how she is. I know that’s selfish because it’s pretty clear why she’s behaving like this but you’re my brother and you deserve the best. Tegan isn’t in the position right now to give you everything you deserve.”
“That’s pretty much why I ended it. She can’t be in a relationship right now and it was selfish of me to try to make her.”
“You didn’t make her.”
“I didn’t hold a gun to her head but I sure as hell wasn’t as strong as I should’ve been. I wanted her and I didn’t even stop to think about what was really best for her.”
“Don’t make this out to be all your fault.”
I smiled, she’d fucking defend me even if I was completely in the wrong. “I’m not. She’s no angel, I’m not blind and I’m not putting her on a pedestal. What I’m doing is taking responsibility for my part in this and for the first time since I met her I’m doing the right thing for us both.”
“I’m proud of you and I hope this works out the way you want it to.”
“You don’t think it will.”
She shrugged. “All I know is that she’s not herself and we’ve never met who she really is. We don’t know what she’d want when she finds that person again. If she finds that person again.”
“I need sleep, Grace.”
“Hint taken,” she said, untangling her legs and getting up. “I really am sorry things got so messy, Luke, but have faith, okay?”
Nodding, I removed my t-shirt and flopped down on the bed, too tired to think about it anymore.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Kai
I tapped the dog tags with the pads of my fingers and stared at my little brother’s grave. “Happy thirteenth birthday, buddy,” I said. Seven years had passed and I still missed him so much. I couldn’t help wondering what he’d be like and if he would’ve discovered girls yet.
Isaac would probably be planning his army career if he still wanted to do that. I was pretty confident he’d want to, the army ‘phase’ started at two and he was still obsessed at six.
“Mum’s made the army tank cake again this year, bet you’re sick of that by now.” I hated those cakes right up until I sorted my life out at twenty. That was four years of wanting to throw the cake at the wall. Now I got it. Isaac was physically gone but he was still just as much a part of the family as the rest of us. Why shouldn’t we celebrate his birthday, too?
I wrapped my fingers around the tags and gripped hard. Part of me wished he hadn’t given them to me; he loved them and never took them off. But it was up to me to wear them in honour of him now. It was my turn to keep them with me.