Sighing, I got out of bed. “Let’s go eat.” I didn’t need to look around to know he’d be following in a second; he didn’t give me an inch of space.
I slipped a hoody on before I went downstairs so I wouldn’t have to see Mum get that pained look in her eyes whenever she saw my wrist. Kai texted as I reached the kitchen asking if I wanted to go to Holly’s for a pizza night with the guys tonight. I wanted to, really badly needed some time where I could relax but I wasn’t sure if that’d be allowed.
Taking mugs out of the cupboard for tea and coffee, I swallowed my nerves and turned to Mum. “Can I go to Holly’s tonight, please?”
“I don’t think tonight’s a good idea, Tegan.”
“Please? Just for a couple hours.”
Her lips pressed into a firm line. “I really don’t think you need to be going to any parties.”
“It’s not a party. It’s me, Kai, Holly, James, probably Sophie, too, watching a film. No party, I promise. Please, Mum.”
“No, Tegan.”
I felt like screaming. She was well within her rights to tell me no after everything I’d done but I was suffocated and I’d never needed anything more than I needed to leave this house for a while. “Okay. Just going to the bathroom,” I said. I had to get away from her for a second and calm down.
“Where are you going?” Lucas asked, following me out of the kitchen. I turned around. Luke was in front of me and Mum and Ava were watching from the door.
Oh, for fuck sake!
“I’m going to have a shower now since breakfast won’t be ready for a while,” I said as calmly as I could. I turned around and shot a text back to Kai telling him what was going on. Lucas was following me but I didn’t acknowledge him.
I reached my room by the time Kai replied. ‘Sucks. She better let you come next weekend or I’ll have to bust you out!’
Why couldn’t he bust me out now.
Luke followed as I opened my wardrobe to pick out something to wear. He sat on my bed, watching my every move. “You okay?” he asked, breaking the silence. I smiled. I tried hard not to take my frustrations out on him but sometimes it was hard when he wouldn’t even let me shower in peace.
“Fine,” I said, grabbing some clothes and heading to the bathroom.
I managed to shower and get dry in peace but just as I was getting dressed I heard a knock on the door. “Tegan?” Lucas called.
I took a deep, calming breath. “Almost done.”
Well, he gave me nine minutes. That was a new record. I finally walked back into my room and he was sitting on the end of my bed, looking pretty stressed.
“What time is Kai picking you up?”
“In an hour.”
Luke followed me downstairs and we all ate breakfast together. I tried to make myself smaller so I couldn’t get much attention and when that failed I asked Ava about this guy she’d mentioned months ago and hoped he was still on the scene so she’d talk about him.
***
Kai pulled up outside my house and I almost ran out of my room. All me and Luke had done after breakfast was watch TV but it was exhausting. I felt like I had to be extra cheery to convince him I was going to be okay. I wanted to be perfect for my mum, my sister, Lucas, hell, my whole family, but I wasn’t and I struggled with getting my head around what was expected and what I could actually live up to.
Right now I was still a mess, I didn’t quite know how to get things straight and I was fed up of feeling like I took a step forwards and then nine back.
“Tegan, Kai’s outside,” Mum said as I came downstairs with Luke.
“Yeah, I just saw his car.”
She stepped in my way as I went to walk past. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry about earlier but I really don’t think you should be in that environment yet.”
“I appreciate that and I don’t want to be in that environment right now. But it isn’t a party.”
“Okay.” She paused and then added, “After what happened, you need to earn my trust back.”
“I know I do. Believe me, I do know that but how can I when you don’t give me a chance to? I understand perfectly why it’s hard for you but you have to give me the freedom to prove that I won’t do it again and that I am trying. I’ve barely left this house and there’s someone watching me the whole time. I can’t breathe, Mum, and I certainly can’t show you that I’d never do anything so stupid again when this is how we’re living.”
“You’re right,” she said. I’m what? I mean, I knew I was right but I’d never expect her to say it. “You can go for two hours. That’s it.”
“Seriously?” Two hours felt like two weeks. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Two hours, Tegan,” she repeated. “Either me or Lucas will take you and pick you up. Okay.” I nodded and squealed. Those terms were perfectly okay with me. The doorbell rang. I kissed Lucas and almost sprinted from the house.
“Hey,” I said as I kicked the door shut. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back towards his car.
He laughed at me as I threw myself in his car. Resting his arm on the top of my open door, he said, “You drunk?”