“What? No, yes, hospital food.”
He stands and kisses my forehead, then my hand, then sits down again, he’s lost, he hates not being in control, not being able to put things right, this must be killing him; and Ava, shit, his baby girl, and on top of that, he’s lost his Dad, it’s all too much, what must he be going through? He squeezes my hand in both of his and kisses it again as a lone tear roles down his cheek, I lean forward and brush it away as the door opens and a doctor walks in, we both look up.
“Lauren, George Anderson, glad to see you’re back with us,” He puts out his hand and I shake it.
He has an entourage, what I assume are a couple of students and Andrea and another nurse.
“Mr Wilde, I did as you asked and spoke to Doctor Tan at The Royal Children’s, the swelling on Ava’s brain is coming down, they are thinking of starting to bring her round in the next couple of days.”
Our eyes are locked on each other’s and we both start to cry, he leans forward and buries his face in my lap, all I can do is run my fingers through his hair and try to sooth him.
“Your blood pressure is giving us a little cause for concern Lauren, but considering the circumstances it’s hardly surprising. I want to get you down for another MRI scan just to be sure we haven’t missed anything, a couple of days of complete bed rest and as little stress as possible and if it’s come down, we can think about letting you home by the end of the week.”
“But I need to see Ava, I can’t just…”
Gabe looks up at me, before he can speak, the doctor does, “Impossible Lauren, your BP is bordering on dangerously high, until we rule out anything sinister, you need to sit still and do nothing. Now, you will go down for your scan in about half an hour, the last one was clear so I’m not too concerned, I just think it’s the shock of the accident and worry over Ava, I will be back later to discuss the results, in between time, sleep, read, watch TV, relax; Ava is in the best of hands.”
All the while he’s been talking he has been shining a torch into my eyes and checking my blood pressure and despite all the distractions, I’m wholly aware of Gabe watching me. Everybody leaves and I meet his eyes and give him a little smile, running my hand over his head.
“She’s going to be fine, just fine.”
He nods but I don’t think he’s even aware of his actions. I run my palm and fingertips down his face and over his jaw. He looks absolutely drained and I feel so guilty.
“Go home and take a shower and then go back to Ava.”
He shakes his head. “We’ve rented a hotel room between the two hospitals, we’ve been using that, just for showers and some sleep; I haven’t been there yet but Coops dropped off some clothes, Jo and Jemma will be back soon with some bits for you, I called to tell them you were awake, Ryder has spoken to Sonny and Jason, your Mum will be here tomorrow and I think your sister is coming with her.”
Jesus, I think I might just go back to sleep for another week and hide from all this attention.
Andrea my nurse comes in, “Okay darl, doctor thinks it’s best if you have a little sedative before you go down for your scan, it can get a bit noisy inside those things and he doesn’t want you to be stressing and pushing your BP up any higher; it won’t knock you right out, just make you a little drowsy and light headed.”
I swallow the tablet and actually look forward to its effects, every time I have a quiet moment to think, I can feel the panic start to rise in my chest, Charlie’s dead and Ava’s in a coma, it just doesn’t seem real. I don’t yet know all the details of the accident and I don’t think I want to for a while and drugs that partially knock me out seem a great alternative to reality right now.
Gabe has his head in my lap again; he’s holding my right hand with both of his; I run my hand through his hair, “Gabe, this sedative is gonna kick in soon, you may as well leave now, I’ll be useless in about ten minutes.”
He looks up at me with exhausted, bloodshot eyes and shakes his head, “I’ll walk down with you and then I’ll leave but I’ll be back later.”
Despite the sedative not being strong, I remember very little after that; Gabe walked down with me to wherever it is they took me for the scan and I just remember feeling an overwhelming sense of loss as he let go of my hand and I lost sight of him, I think I might have actually cried.
CHAPTER 14