“Thanks,” I snapped, turning my back to her.
“That’s not what I meant, I just meant….” Beth sighed and then left without saying goodbye.
Sunday morning I woke up to the sound of the rain pelting against the window. I peered out, seeing Jared’s Escalade just down the street. My chest ached, knowing how hard it must have been for him to be alone on his birthday. I fantasized about bringing him a present, or simply running out to hug him, but I could do neither. As soon as I shut the door behind me from returning from the shower, there was a knock at the door.
“Just a minute!” I called, rushing to throw some clothes on.
I opened the door to Ryan’s smiling face, his hair dripping wet. “I was wondering if you wanted to take a drive?”
“Your truck is at the pub, Ryan.”
He smiled, wiping away the water that ran down his forehead from his hairline. “Josh took me to get it earlier. You wanna go?”
I shook my head. “It’s pouring outside.”
“So…,” he stalled, shoving his hands in his pockets, “you wanna hang out here?”
I smiled apologetically. “I have a huge test tomorrow, first thing in the morning. I need to cram.”
Ryan shrugged again. “I can help you.”
“I have to do it by myself. You know how I am,” I said dismissively.
“Yeah, I just…,” he sighed, “I can’t quit thinking about that kiss.”
“Oh.”
Ryan walked past me into my room. “I know what you said. But…don’t you have any feelings for me at all? Can’t we stop pretending long enough to find out if I could make you happy? I could, you know…make you happy.”
Ryan’s mention of our arrangement caused me to glance up at the vent, but it didn’t matter. Jared saw right through me from the very beginning.
“You do make me happy. I just don’t have anything left to…,” I shook my head. “I can’t talk about this right now. I have to study,” I said, opening the door.
“Do you have plans for dinner?” he asked.
I hugged him. “No. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
It would be the beginning of the end for us. Jared had agreed to stay away, and Ryan knew that our time was limited. He nodded and left my room, disappointed.
Studying was nothing less than impossible, knowing Jared was outside. I peered out the rain-streaked window again to see that Jared hadn’t moved. The urge to go to him became unmanageable, so I grabbed my keys and set out to take a coffee break off campus.
I drove just a few blocks to the nearest coffee shop and went in, ordering my usual. I took my time, lingering in the booth, watching different faces come and go. Fantasies of surprising Jared with a gift kept creeping into my thoughts, and I finally resorted to returning to my dorm.
As soon as I walked outside, I noticed Jared in my peripheral. His shirt was wet from standing in the rain, and I held my breath as I passed him. The circles under his eyes were dark, and his face appeared paler than his natural golden tone.
My feet refused to take another step. No matter what I had said, I still loved him. I couldn’t make him feel like a ghost on his birthday. I closed my eyes, knowing I would go against everything I had worked for in the last six weeks. I was at a crossroad, and I was about to deliberately take the wrong turn.
I turned on my heels and walked straight up to him. Jared watched me with wary eyes, obviously unsure of what to expect.
Although I had made strangers of us over the last weeks, it felt right be close to him again. I felt no awkwardness or tension, and I could see beyond his cautious expression that he felt the same.
I took a deep breath. “Happy Birth—,”
Before I could finish, Jared grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him into a deep kiss. My lips melted against the familiar heat of his mouth, and as I breathed in his amazing scent, I felt a bit lightheaded. When Jared realized I wouldn’t pull away, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him, shamelessly taking advantage of the moment. Minutes passed and I could hear the giggling of children and teenage girls as they walked by. When his lips finally left mine, he hugged me tightly and buried his face in my neck, taking in a deep breath through his nose. He caressed his cheek against mine for a few moments more, and then finally released me.
He scanned my face for some sort of reaction. I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but Jared looked cautiously pleased.
“Day,” I finished, breathlessly.
His eyes were a few shades lighter than I’d seen them in weeks. I waited for a moment, and allowed my lips to form a tiny smile before returning to my car.
“Nina?” Jared called.
I turned around and a tired smile touched his face. “That’s all I wanted today.”
My heart sank at his words, and I wished the world would leave us alone so I could stay with him. The memory of Harry Crenshaw pressing a gun to Bex’s temple flashed in my mind, and I stiffened.
“Goodbye, Jared.”
Chapter Seventeen
Absolution