Finals week arrived. The little sleep I’d gotten before became nonexistent with the amount of studying and cramming I had to do. I studied with the group at the Rock every night, only to return to my room to read and memorize in solitude.
Ryan continued to pretend, walking me to lunch, to classes, and back and forth from my room. He was the perfect boyfriend; he opened doors, brought late night brain food, and he even rubbed my shoulders while quizzing me on study guides. A part of me wondered if he was trying so hard because he knew the end of the week meant the end of pretending, and he hoped I would change my mind.
Beth and Chad found an apartment, and some of her things were already packed in boxes. A sad air befell the room when we were both in it, surrounded by cardboard. The walls looked empty and clinical without her teddy bears and tiaras displayed on the walls and ribbons dripping from the shelves.
Thursday night, occasional cracks of thunder rattled the windows. The rain beat against the window in a heavy gust, and Beth sighed at her carefully highlighted textbook. I slammed my book shut and put a CD in the stereo, twisting the volume knob as high as it would go.
“What are you doing?” Beth yelled over the music.
I jumped up and down, holding my hands out to her. “It’s our last night as roomies, roomie! We’re sending you out in style!”
Beth giggled and stood up, grabbing my hands and shaking her hair to the beat as we bounced together. After a few songs, a loud banging resounded from the door. I shimmied over to open it, laughing when I saw Kim’s smiling face.
“Sounds like a party!” she yelled, holding up two six packs of cheap beer. “I come bearing gifts!”
“Woo!” Beth squealed. Her hair flapped about as she danced in her bare feet.
Before I’d finished my first can, another knock on the door revealed a rather wet and confused Ryan, who cringed at the volume of the stereo.
“What are you doing?” Ryan yelled. A wide grin stretched across his face as he watched us bounce.
“It’s our impromptu going away party for Beth!” I yelled back.
“Cool! I’ll make phone calls!” Ryan exclaimed, pulling out his cell phone.
Within twenty minutes, our room was shoulder to shoulder with our entire study group, plus a few girls from down the hall that had wandered in out of curiosity. Kim and Tucker were jumping on Beth’s bed, and the rest of us were dancing and laughing.
By midnight, everyone except Beth, Chad, and Ryan had cleared out to study. Beth grabbed her purse and hugged me.
“Thank you so much! I needed that. It’s been so sad around here!”
“You’re welcome. I’m going to miss you terribly,” I said, jutting out my bottom lip.
Beth squeezed me until it was hard to breathe. “I’m going to miss you, too. But we’ll still see each other, right?”
“Of course we will.” I smiled.
I waved goodbye to her and Chad, and then sat on my bed, exhausted. As usual, any normal, content feelings I had left with the moment.
Ryan turned to see the look on my face. “What is it, Babe?”
I smiled. “No one’s here, Ryan. You don’t have to call me that.”
“I don’t do it for other people,” he said, an amused grin spanning his face.
“Ryan…,” I began. Knocking at the door provided a perfect excuse to postpone the inevitable. “Beth must have forgotten her keys.” I opened the door and gasped.
She wouldn’t have come unless something was horribly wrong. The adrenaline exploded through my bloodstream as I braced myself for what she might say.
“I need to talk to you,” she said.
“What are you doing here, Claire? Is it Jared?” I asked.
She looked at Ryan and then back at me, and for the first time she didn’t have a murderous expression on her face. “Alone.”
“I’m not leaving,” Ryan said, standing in front of me.
She rolled her eyes. “If I wanted to hurt her, Ryan, you standing there with your hands in your pockets wouldn’t do much in the way of a deterrent,” she said, looking back to me. “It’s important, Nina.”
I could feel my heart thudding against my chest wall. “What? He’s okay, right?”
“He’s at home. He finally agreed to get some sleep.”
“Oh.” The numbness came like second nature, and automatically an emotional wall surrounded me.
Claire frowned at my generic answer. “Oh? I can’t stand to see him like this anymore, and you’re the only one that can fix it. He’s been a mess since his birthday. He’s been a mess for weeks, but he’s been really bad since Sunday.” She looked to the floor, clearly disturbed by whatever image was in her head. “I think it’s finally hit him that you’re not going to change your mind.”