“Sure,” he said, smiling.
I wasn’t sure if the tears came from the fact that Ryan had agreed to help me, or that my plan would work, but I grabbed him and hugged him to me as if I needed him to breathe. He hugged me back, and then pulled away, looking into my eyes.
“I’m going to regret this. I can already tell,” he said, smiling softly.
We drove back to Brown, and as we walked from the parking lot, Ryan took my hand. “If we’re going to do this, we should do it right, right? No one is going to believe us if we never touch.”
“Right.”
I struggled to keep my emotions in check as we walked down the halls of my dorm. Jared could see us and I fought against the guilt I felt for hurting him. If I was going to fool him at all, I would have to concentrate on feeling comfortable and happy with Ryan.
We stopped at my door and Ryan let go of my hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tonight?”
After I nodded, Ryan leaned in and kissed the corner of my mouth. I let my feelings for him as a friend bleed through the awkwardness so Jared wouldn’t be tipped off. I smiled at him as he turned to walk down the hall.
Over the next weeks, Ryan kept me busy going to the movies, meeting for lunch, and accompanying me to dinner. We spent time together every night, and shared a table at breakfast every morning. He even began to forgo plans with his friends. Soon, everyone was convinced that we were having a not-so-secret relationship.
It was uncomfortable for both of us at first, but after the first week we settled into our new roles. Ryan made a game of it, as he did everything else. We bet on how soon someone would ask us to announce our relationship, and who it would be.
Our friendship grew stronger as the days past, and I began depending on him for more than fooling Jared. Ryan anesthetized the pain, and it wasn’t long before I found myself making excuses to be around him.
The day finally came that I had bet that Kim would ask what our status was. I made a show of stretching my legs across Ryan’s lap.
“Cheater,” Ryan whispered, too low for anyone else to hear.
“Okay. Are you guys together or not?” Kim asked.
Ryan grinned at me and I lifted all five of my fingers, reminding him that he owed me fifty bucks. Ryan shook his head at my gloating and then scanned the table. Everyone waited eagerly for the answer.
“Obviously,” he said as he rubbed my leg.
A broad smile spread across Kim’s face. “I knew it.”
Beth and Chad exchanged glances. I didn’t have to ask what was wrong because I already knew; she thought I was making a huge mistake.
“Well, that explains why you’ve been bailing on us every weekend,” Josh said.
“Why don’t we all go out Friday?” Ryan shrugged.
I shot a surprised look at him and he smiled. Jared’s birthday was Sunday and the only present I could give him was to spend the weekend alone.
“I have plans with my mom this weekend,” I explained.
Ryan reached out to rub my shoulder. “But not until Saturday, right, Babe? We can go to the pub Friday.”
I held my breath to keep from lashing out at him. I couldn’t blow our cover by refusing to go to the pub or it would look suspicious. Even worse, I couldn’t tear into him later because Jared would hear.
“So are you going?” Beth asked.
“It looks that way,” I said, trying not to glare at Ryan.
Leaving the Ratty, I noticed something was different. I had held my breath and braced myself for Jared to be outside the door, but Jared wasn’t in his usual spot. He wasn’t waiting for me at all. My eyes filled with tears. I had finally hurt him enough to push him away.
“What’s wrong, Nigh?” Ryan asked, touching my back.
I couldn’t speak. Jared had finally given in. I had won…and I had lost.
“Nina,” Beth said, bringing me under her wing like a mother hen. “Let’s go home.”
“Do you want me to come?” Ryan called after us.
“I’ve got her,” Beth waved him off as we continued walking.
As soon as Beth closed the door, her expression was morphed from sympathetic to incensed.
“Okay, you are going to tell me what’s going on, and you’re going to tell me now…or so help me, I’m going to call Cynthia!”
While I contemplated whether I would lie or tell the truth, Beth stomped her foot.
“Nina!”
“I’m fine.”
Beth narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re fine. Everyone knows you’re fine. But you’re not fine! And what are you doing with Ryan? You look ridiculous!”
My head jerked to meet her glare, acutely aware of the microphone in the vent. “We’ve been friends for months, Beth. I care about him, and he cares about me. We’re just trying to see where it goes.”