Jared’s eyes turned a midnight blue. “Don’t lie to me, Nina. You want out because you’re afraid something will happen to my family if we stay together. I’m telling you, nothing’s going to happen. I’m asking you to trust me.”
I reached my hand up to touch his cheek; his jaws tensed under his skin. “Something will happen. I don’t know what else to do, Jared. We both have to have some sort of a life.”
“I can’t have a life without you. I don’t want a life without you.” He swallowed hard. His face was locked in an agonizing expression.
I pressed my lips together, determined to make him believe the lie. “This isn’t how I want to live. The fear, the guilt, the looking over my shoulder. We can’t even be intimate.”
Jared took my hand and pressed his lips against my knuckles, closing his eyes tight. “Please…please don’t do this. I can’t go back to that.”
I almost gave in. I wanted to, but I stayed focused on the guilt I felt as I told Lillian goodbye. “You have to go.” I placed the loft key in his palm.
“Nina…,” he choked, looking down at his hand as if I had placed a hot coal there.
I reached down to pull his ring from my finger and he grabbed both of my hands. His face crumpled as if he had taken all he could stand. “Don’t break your promise.”
I relaxed my hands down to my sides. He was right, I had promised.
Jared pulled me into him by my shoulders and kissed me deeply—and I let him. I returned his kiss with the same sadness and fear. He held me so tightly I found it hard to breathe, but I didn’t care. I let him hold me and kiss me however he wanted. It would be our last night together.
He abruptly pulled back, just a few inches, but kept me tightly in his arms. “I’ll do what I have to do, Nina. If you want to go away, we’ll go. If you need intimacy, I’ll make love to you. I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll give up everything I have. I’ll give up my family. We can get in the car right now and just drive— I won’t even look back. Just don’t ask me to do this. I can’t do it. I can’t…,” he choked.
I pulled away from his grip and opened the door. Jared pulled me back into his arms and kissed me again. Once I felt the tears streak down my cheeks I pushed him away, but he kept me against him. I finally had to shove him again and again until he finally let go so that I could get through the door.
The steps to my room were endless. I stayed focused on my mission, refusing to fall apart. Jared had said it himself that he was willing to give up everything for me, including his family…and I couldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t let the Ryels get hurt because of me, whether it was physically or from losing Jared. I couldn’t look Jared in the eye if he lost another person in his family because of the mistakes of my father.
I wiped my face and tucked my hair behind my ears before I opened the door. Beth sat at her computer.
“And she’s home!” Beth said excitedly, spinning around in her desk chair. Her tone quickly changed when she saw my face. “Oh my God, Nina! What’s wrong?”
“Jared and I are over,” I murmured, changing into my pajamas. I wanted to sleep. It was the only thing that would alleviate the wrenching pain in my ribs.
“Didn’t you meet his mother tonight? What happened?”
“All hell broke loose,” I replied, scrubbing my face in the sink.
“Ugh! Why can’t Hell stay where it’s at? Why does it always have to break loose?” she whined.
I tried to smile at her, but my mouth wouldn’t cooperate. I couldn’t tell her the truth and I didn’t want to lie. “It just wasn’t working.”
“What are you talking about? You’ve been talking about forever with this guy.”
I looked up at the vent in the ceiling and then back to Beth. “It’s the only way I know how to save him.”
Beth grew quiet. “Save him from what?”
“Me.”
Chapter Sixteen
The Arrangement
“Just keep walking,” Beth said, coaxing me into class.
Jared stood against the wall beside the door. He didn’t speak or approach me; he only watched as Beth led me in. My chest ached at the exhausted look in his eyes. He hadn’t slept.
Day after day, Jared continued to wait at the doorway of any place necessary for me to enter. By the end of the week I would feel a sick feeling in my stomach anytime I was coming or going. Sometimes he watched me walk past, sometimes he kept his eyes to the ground, but he was always there.