Damon replied first: ‘I need you to let me in.’
I replied a simple ‘no’ and left it at that. He’d want to see that I was okay to believe me because I’d not been all that open before and would pretend I was okay a million times over before I admitted I wasn’t.
Chloe’s reply came shortly after mine: ‘We just want to make sure you’re alright. You’re scaring us. We’re worried. If you won’t let us in please answer Damon.’
My phone rang, he’d given me just enough time to read Chlo’s message.
I answered and said, “I’m fine but I need to be alone.” Then I hung up before he could say a word.
There, I’d given them what they’d said they needed to believe me so they should leave now. Please leave now. I would be fine but I had to get my head around it and the only way I knew how to deal with things was alone. My family never talked through problems, this was the only thing I knew.
Chloe sent: ‘Okay. Call when you need me. I love you. X’
Damon didn’t reply and it was probably because I’d dented his male pride or something ridiculous. He wanted to fix things for me and I loved that he did but this was all on me. No one could get me past Mum’s death and whatever was happening with Dad. I had to do that for myself.
Damon
“Have you heard from her?” I asked Chloe. Two days later and Nell hadn’t got in touch. I’d passed on calling, she wouldn’t answer, but I’d sent a few texts. She wanted to be alone and that was understandable but she couldn’t just cut us out and not let us know if she was fine. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through and had no idea how she was coping, or if she was even coping at all.
The whole thing was scary and out of my control. I liked control but when it came to Nell, I’d never had it, but it bothered me more now that I knew she needed me.
“I tried calling this morning but she didn’t answer. I don’t know what to do, I want to give her the space she clearly needs but I’m worried sick that she’s not coping. There’s so much more to her family than I ever knew. I know how to deal with death but this is different, her dad did this. That’s the part I’m struggling with. How do we get her through the death of her mum and everything with her dad? I don’t know if she’ll want to see him or what’ll happen. Does she hope he’ll get off or go down?”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Chloe. Although those are things I’ve been asking myself. I just want to see her, to know what she wants and how I can help.”
“I think we help by doing what she asks but it’s hard because I don’t want to stay away. I want her to cry on my shoulder, get angry and yell. God I just want something. She was there for me through everything with Jace and then Logan and it kills me that she won’t let me do the same.”
“I’m going over there,” I said. Half the time Nell didn’t know what she needed. She spoke about wanting to let people in then she pushed them away.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“I don’t really care right now, Chlo. We can’t sit around and wait for her to come to us because we’ll be waiting for a fucking long time. She doesn’t ask for help often.”
She sighed. “That’s true. Let me know how it goes, okay. Tell her I’m just a phone call away and I’ll be stopping by tomorrow regardless of what she wants.”
“I will. Speak later,” I said and hung up.
Raking my hand through my hair, I groaned. It was time I went over there, I knew that, but I was still worried how she’d react. Worrying about Nell was a full-time job now and avoiding us was hers. She’d not been in contact with work since she’d called to let them know what was going on. No one knew if she was going back and I suspected she wasn’t. Everything that’d happened had probably put a job she hated into perspective.
That then left money for her to worry about on top of everything else. She wouldn’t take any from me, that I was sure of, and I didn’t know if her mum had any kind of insurance that would help her financially until she got back on track.
Stepping into my shoes, I left my flat and drove to hers. Dealing with Nell was like walking a tight rope. I had to constantly figure out how much to push her, how far I needed to back off and when I needed to do it. I was exhausted just thinking about what to do when it came to her.
I parked outside her place and noticed the blinds were closed again. It was morning so it could just be because she was asleep but I had a feeling she was trying to keep out more than just the sun.
Walking to her door, I prepared myself for a fight just to get her to talk to me. If Nell didn’t want to do something it was going to take a lot to get her to do it.
I knocked on the door and blew out a deep breath. Minutes later I was still met by silence.