“Sure?” I wanted her to say no and ask for my help. There wasn’t much chance of that, especially after the last time I paid her boss a visit.
She took a sip of wine and sat beside me at the island. “I’m fine, honestly. I won’t be there forever. God, I’m so starving. I think I’ll take your slices bet today.”
“Ah, will you,” I said.
“I’m eating you under the table, Mr.”
I laughed at what she’s said. “Not going to say no to that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, funny. After pizza if you’re lucky…”
My heart thumped and I felt a stir in my pants. “I’m suddenly not at all hungry.”
“You’re such a pervert, Damon. Eat your pizza.”
“Are you staying over tonight?”
“I can do,” she replied.
“Well,” I said, running my finger along her thigh. “I think that’s a good idea.”
She raised a jet-black eyebrow. “So do I. Maybe you should eat up so you have enough energy for me later.”
I would make a joke about how I wouldn’t need to eat but that wasn’t true. Nell was a demon between the sheets. I adored how much she loved sex and how unashamed she was about what she liked. It was the sexiest thing about her.
“Eat up, Nell.”
My phone rang as Nell elbowed me in the side, smiling up at me in a way she hadn’t done before. For a second I forgot the phone, the fact that we were only supposed to be friends, hell, I forgot my own fucking name because Nell was looking at me like she loved me.
She clicked her fingers in front of my face and I blinked. “It’s your mum.”
I took the phone off her and gulped before answering the call.
“Hey, Mum.”
“Hi, darling. How are you?”
“I’m good, just eating dinner with Nell.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you had company.” The way she said company made me press the phone to my ear harder in the hope Nell wouldn’t hear. My mother was just waiting for me to tell her me and Nell were exclusive.
“No, it’s fine. Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s great,” she replied. Her voice had risen suspiciously after finding out Nell was here with me. “So how is she?”
I looked over and saw her smirking at me. “She’s fine.” Soon going to be very fine.
“Can I speak to her?”
“Err, she’s eating, Mum.”
Nell mouthed ‘speaker phone’. My mum could be a little overenthusiastic sometimes so I was reluctant but I wanted Nell to get along and be comfortable with my family. “Hold on, Mum,” I said and put her on speaker. “We can both hear you.”
“Nell, how are you, darling?” Mum asked, sounding a lot happier to talk to her than to me. She was bloody desperate to marry me off.
“I’m great, thanks, how’re you?”
“Much better now. What has Damon cooked for you?”
Nell laughed and then pouted at me. “He hasn’t, I brought pizza with me.”
“Damon!”
I rolled my eyes. Here we go…
“She offered, Mum.”
“You can’t let your girlfriend live off pizza.”
Fuck. Panic sparked in Nell’s eyes.
“Mum,” I said warningly.
“I mean it, Damon. I raised you better than that.”
“Mum,” I snapped. “I have to go, I’ll call you later.”
An icy pit settled in my stomach. Nell didn’t talk or move as I hung up.
“Sorry about her, she gets a little…mum occasionally.”
She licked her lips. “It’s okay.” Her voice was low and reserved. It was definitely not okay.
“Are we cool?”
“Yeah, as long we know this is what it is and it won’t turn into some fairy tale.”
Wow. Her words ploughed into me like a fucking freight train. “Right,” I said. “Just casual.”
She put the pizza crust down that she’d been holding stiff in her hand since Mum’s bloody girlfriend comment. “Yep, just casual.”
How could I do that when I was so overwhelmingly in love with her? Shit, I couldn’t fool myself that casual sex with the woman I’d fallen in love with was enough. I wanted everything with Nell. Commitment, house, marriage, hell even kids one day. But she didn’t want any of it.
She wasn’t ready, couldn’t give a big enough part of herself or just plain didn’t feel anything for me. Whatever it was, I couldn’t stick around to find out.
I was in this and she wasn’t. That meant I couldn’t have any of it.
“Nell,” I said, already half regretting my decision. “We can’t see each other anymore.”
Her posture immediately became defensive, the way it did whenever a subject was getting heavier than she was comfortable with.
“Why not?”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. “I think that it’s obvious why. I want more than this and you don’t.” Each word was like a jagged cut, deep in my flesh. I was ripping my own heart out knowingly, willingly.
A fleeting look of pain passed so quickly I almost missed it. “Um…” She looked around, completely and utterly lost. “How can you do this to me? We had a deal, Damon. You can’t just change your mind.”
Now she was the one doing the stabbing with her words.