Is It Over Yet
The clock reads two in the morning when I hear the twins running around in the hallway. Ignoring them, I turn onto my side and think about Jace's tattoo. I don't know why I assumed he changed it. I guess in my mind he didn't love me and wouldn't want a reminder of our time together. Aaron is talented enough to change the pinup girl just enough to no longer look like me.
I find myself remembering our first time together. We snuck into the apartment over the garage at my house. Everyone I'd ever known seemed to have lived there at one point, but eventually it sat empty. I made the apartment my makeshift getaway, playing grownup while never wanting to leave home.
Jace claimed he slept with two girls before me. I knew he was lying. While he was a good liar most days, this time I knew he was full of shit. Jace likely wanted me to think he was more experienced because he felt lame being a virgin too. Or maybe he wanted me to feel in safe hands with his experience.
Clumsy and unsure, I never expected our first time to be great. We laughed a lot, and I didn't come. Yet losing my virginity with Jace was perfect. I always believed he was mine, and we would be together forever. Our first time didn't have to be great because we could spend the rest of our lives making it better.
Even though the sex was great after a few tries, I now realized Jace wasn't mine. We weren't forever. After nine months, I still had trouble accepting this reality. Despite my coldness towards him, I lie awake with secret hopes. Did he keep the tattoo because he still loves me? Was it his idea to bring me home? Does all the kissing mean he wants another chance?
Falling asleep around four? I know full well I'm lying to myself. I don't care though. With Jace, things will never be over.
Chapter 16
Jace
I've Got Mexico
Sleeping for shit, I can't stop thinking about Sawyer's fingers on my skin. She comes off as so tough that I sometimes forgot about her delicate fingers. Deceptively tender, Sawyer makes me shiver, even when she's not in the room.
I dream of us in bed. Feverish sex dreams I haven't suffered from in months torment me all night. I wake up, suffer through a cold shower, and return to bed. Two hours later, I do it all again. Finally, I try giving into the need and find only momentary relief.
The dreams are too vivid, reminding me just how good Sawyer feels. My hand and imagination are pathetic replacements. I want the real thing.
Stumbling around exhausted, I eat breakfast alone. Sawyer and the siblings decide on Taco Bell while I go to Denny's. I hope for a few hours of quiet but get ratted out by the waitresses. Not long after I arrive, Bodie joins me.
"You know what your problem is?" she asks rather than saying hello.
"No, please share."
"That's it, right there. You're too damn agreeable," she says, grinning at the waitress.
"Not everyone can be disagreeable like you."
"No, and I appreciate the agreeable sorts. Like that guy," she says, gesturing across the restaurant. "Or that lady," she says, pointing in a different direction. "See that chick in the green shirt? Well, she's an evil bitch, but her mom is sweet as sugar. Never a negative word."
"I feel like you have a point, but..." I mutter, waving my hand around.
"My point is they're naturally agreeable. They like being that way. You're forcing it. Fake people are the worst, Jason."
I glare at her through exhausted eyes. "You know that's not my name."
"Yeah, but I know you won't make a big deal out of me getting it wrong. You're too fake agreeable for that."
Frowning, I rest my arms across the back of the booth. "So I should do what instead?"
"I saw you at the bar with Mac," she says, grinning slightly. "The way you messed with him for no reason. If you were a truly agreeable person, you'd have known the fucker was on edge, so you'd play nice and make him feel better. Instead, you needled him. That's when I figured you out."
"Again, I feel there's a point, but I'm not seeing it."
"You're not your own man," she says, looking me in the eyes. "You're not comfortable in your own skin. Don't know who you are. I'd diagnose you with a severe case of arrested development, Jake Tobbs. That's why you can't figure out what you want to do with Sawyer."
Ignoring how she purposely uses the wrong name, I shrug. "I don't want to do anything with Sawyer besides bring her home."
"Sure, champ. Hey, let me ask you a few questions. Did one of your dad's have a pinup tattoo?"
Refusing to show her she's right, I'm a fucking statue. She smiles anyway.
"I'll take that as a yes. You have a big cross tattoo on your chest. Someone you know have one of those too?"
Bodie smiles when I remain silent.