"I remember that trip. I was a princess."
Bodie ignores her sister and continues, "I kept hearing weird noises at night and the walls would shake during storms. Not like normal, but in a possessed way. I was convinced the house was haunted, but I refused to leave. I mean, it's our house, and I'm not letting some asshole poltergeist push us out."
"That is pretty lame," Zane says, causing Bodie to look pained.
"I was like a douche from a horror movie who runs up the stairs instead of out the front door. As a McLaughlin, it's one of my most shameful moments."
"But eating someone else's gum is fine," Sawyer says, shrugging. "Interesting."
"How about I make you eat my gum and see how embarrassed you are? Bet you'd be more irritated than anything, Annie."
Sawyer hates the Annie digs or any mocking of her curly hair, but she doesn't go nuclear this time. Knowing the siblings enjoy her freak-outs, she keeps her temper in check.
"Jace's turn," Sawyer says, smiling tightly at me. "Pick something good."
Thinking about all the stupid moments in my life, I focus on one that makes me want Sawyer in my lap.
"I was twenty when one night, I was drunk off my ass and got it into my head to get a tattoo of Sawyer's initials on the back of my neck."
The twins lean over to see the back of my neck. They lean back disappointed.
"It was late in the evening when I got this idea, and the tattoo artist wasn't around. I thought about waiting, but I was too drunk to be patient. I ended up walking to a hair salon down the street were I paid the girl to buzz Sawyer's initials into the back of my hair. The next day, the club guys tore me a new one with all their teasing. My brilliant solution was to have Sawyer's niece Scarlet color it in with a marker."
"So you were really fucking stupid not so long ago," Bodie says, crossing her arms. "Good to know."
Sawyer stares at me until I feel small under her gaze. "I forgot how much I used to mean to you. Live and learn."
"People make mistakes."
"Duh," Colbie says, patting my hand. "So did you ever get a tattoo of Sawyer's name?"
I pull up my tee to show them the tat on my upper arm. Cooper's best friend back in Ellsberg is an amazing tattoo artist named Aaron. The pinup girl on a Harley looks so much like Sawyer that it makes me hard.
"I'm surprised you didn't get it changed," Sawyer says while the twins examine the tat.
"Wild child," Colbie says. "Oh, because she's rude and immature."
Ignoring Colbie, I see only Sawyer. "Why would I change it?"
"Figured you wouldn't want to offend all those girls you fucked since dumping me."
"Did you change the one with my name?" I ask, too angry to hide my feelings.
"Of fucking course. It was on my back shoulder. I didn't want every guy banging me from behind to see your name," she says then sighs when the twins yank her tank aside to examine the tattoo. "I had Aaron make the heart torn apart. Now, a dagger through the heart covers our names. Wanna see?"
"No."
"A friend would look."
Ignoring her challenge, I relax under her gaze. I knew those blue eyes better than my own. They were the eyes that calmed me on bad days. The passion once in them made me feel like a man. They now reveal the shock and pain she felt the day I walked away.
Finally, I look away. Their attention spans short, the siblings wander off. Yet Sawyer continues to watch me.
"You should have changed yours," she says, tearing at the beer label.
"I like that tat. I won't change it."
Standing, Sawyer moves to a seat closer to me. Her gaze is on the tat peeking from my tee. Pressing up the shirt, she lets her fingers roll over the lines of the pinup girl.
"I felt like a fucking queen the day you got that tat," she whispers. "I thought it meant you loved me."
"I did love you."
"I meant the kind of love that doesn't go out like a candle in the wind. My parents' kind of love. Or my brothers' kind of love. The kind of love I grew up seeing. Not the kind of love we had."
"I was stupid and overwhelmed."
Sawyer stares at me, and I refuse to look away. I don't know what I want her to say. Hell, I don't know what I want to say either.
"Do you miss me?"
"Every day."
"Not enough though, right?"
I say nothing. I don't know why I left her that day. How can I know I won't feel that way again? I want her back, but maybe the better choice is to let things remain broken between us.
Sawyer takes my silence as agreement. Angry, she stands and storms out of the honky-tonk.
I wish I knew what to do with all the feelings tearing me up. While I don't have the answers for a lot of the questions rolling around in my head, I'm fucking positive Stanley isn't getting anywhere near my woman.
Chapter 15
Sawyer