"I'll be fine living my life," I lie.
"In that case, you should be happy about Stanley. He's a nice guy. Stupid and a little titty crazy but good people overall. You know, for a biker thug."
"I am happy for her," I mutter, completely unconvincingly.
"Whatever you say," she says, laughing again. "Whatever way this thing shakes out, I'll enjoy the show, so it's no skin off my ass."
With these pearls of wisdom, Bodie hits the gas, kicking up dirt everywhere.
"All this fucking money, and they can't pave the fucking parking lot?" I mutter to myself.
I conveniently avoid wondering if I should push Sawyer harder rather than play the game Harlow suggested. Lies are my way out once again.
Chapter 13
Sawyer
Mermaid
Napping like the rest of the house, I dream of my pop teaching me to swim. The dream turns x-rated once Jace replaces Pop. I wake up feeling overheated and grumpy. Missing my pop makes sense. Missing Jace makes me feel like an idiot though.
My mood shifts back and forth from depressed to angry. I can't stop thinking of Jace kissing me at the bar and then at the skating rink. He acts as if he wants me back, but is okay with me dating someone else. What the fuck?
Looking for something to do with myself, I finally jump into the outdoor pool wearing my regular clothes. Fuck it. No one cares what I do around here.
Diving deep, I pretend I'm Ariel from The Little Mermaid, just like Pop always called me. I twist, flip, and swim around for so long the house eventually wakes up. I see them inside, but feel no urge to join their silent conversations. I like the water. I like the heat overhead. I like the sound of approaching evening. Singing frogs and katydids put me in a serene mood.
When I finally climb out of the pool, I strut into the house to the sound of Janis Joplin singing her passion, rage, and sorrow. The chick knew how to make herself heard. Showering, I sing along to Take Another Piece of My Heart.
By the time Jace arrives, I've lost my anger from earlier. He sits next to me on the back porch while we wait for the siblings to finish doing whatever they're doing inside. For the first time in months, I really see the man Jace is now.
He takes up too much space. When we were together, his shoulders weren't so wide or his chest so broad. His once short hair is now long enough to graze his shoulders. His cheekbones are sharper and his eyes harder. He looks like a man I don't know rather than the boy I loved for so long.
"I'm sorry," I say, staring at the geese flying in the sunset.
"For what exactly?"
"All these months since you dumped me, I kept you frozen in my memories. You were my sweet, broken boy, but you're not him anymore. I'm pining over a stranger. It just hit me how stupid I've been to not see how things have changed."
Jace gives me his side-eye look, and I think he's suspicious. I don't blame him. We played games as kids, and we're playing them again here in Texas. I wouldn't trust me either.
"What's the catch?"
"There's no catch, dingus. I've been in love with someone who doesn't exist anymore."
"So now I'm a bad guy?"
"No, you're a stranger, not the boy I knew. Maybe you changed before things ended, and I just never noticed. Maybe that's why they ended."
"I'm not the enemy, Sawyer."
"I know. You're here doing a job. It'd be easier if I went back and made you look good for Cooper, but I'm not feeling in a selfless mood. I want to stay here, and I plan to get what I want."
Jace is quiet for a long time. Not knowing what he's thinking, I stand and step down from the small deck to the dry grass.
"Last Dollar has everything I need in a home."
"What about your family?" Jace asks, following me.
"They don't need me in Ellsberg to be happy. People get self-sufficient after a certain age." Turning, I smile up at him. "I'm doing just fine here without seeing them. I miss my mom the most, but I not as much as I thought I would."
"You can't stay here."
"Why not?" I ask without anger.
Jace hesitates at the lack of heat in my question. He's still waiting for me to make my move and leave him reeling.
"This place is too wild. You need somewhere with barriers to keep you in check."
"I won't take that as an insult, despite what you intended."
"You don't know what I intend," Jace says, pissed now.
"Save your drama. I've found a home here. The twins make me feel safe."
"Are you kidding? They're insane."
"No," I whisper, walking a little faster. "They're untamed. They never settle, yet they're never restless."
Jace remains silent as we walk under large trees filled with squirrel winging twigs at us. I ignore the animals, but Jace makes threats with his dark eyes.
"You'll get bored of their untamed chaos."
"I know everyone's story in Ellsberg. I've seen everyone without their masks. There are no more surprises there."