Boys kept passing by me, whispering, but I kept my eyes closed. I felt someone sit near my feet so I peeled one eyelid open to see it was Tao. I began to sit up, but he pushed my shoulder back down. He gathered my feet in his hands, sat, and laid them on top of his lap, resting his arms on the back of the sofa.
“Just you and me, Lily,” he said.
“As I see,” I told him and closed my eyes again.
“Just what I wanted.”
“I remember. You told me.”
“I’m going to win,” he promised.
“Probably,” I told him.
He laughed.
“Why don’t you ever fight back?” he asked me.
“Because my hands are busy with another war at the moment.”
He was quiet for a moment. “What could you possibly be fighting?” he asked me.
I lazily opened my eyes and stared at him. “We’re all fighting something,” I sidestepped.
“What?” he teased with a smile. “Boy won’t pay attention to you?” he poked. “Hair turned out the wrong color purple? Lip kit sold out?”
I watched him but didn’t say anything.
His smile faded. “You got a broken heart or something?” he correctly guessed, but I was certain he was wrong about its cause.
“Something like that,” I told him.
“Easy fix,” he told me.
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. Just go up to Salinger and tell him how you feel.”
I shook my head.
“Tao, Salinger Park is not the root of my heartbreak. He’s a contributor to its agony, but that is all.”
“What is the root then?” he asked.
“I’d rather not say.”
“Is it bad?” he asked.
Two tears slipped past and ran down the sides of my face.
“I did something terrible and I won’t ever be able to amend for it.”
Tao’s brows furrowed in confusion, but he didn’t press me for answers.
“Let me let you in on a secret,” he told me. “Pasts cannot be fixed. Ever. They are permanent, but you get to choose how they alter the future. Take whatever is affecting you, Lily, and make something with it. Make something you can be proud of.”
He stood up, swinging my feet to the floor as he did, and pulled me up with him.
“Let’s go play a game,” he said. I nodded, still absorbing what he’d said to me. “If you lose because of this crazy state of mind, I’ll never forgive you.”
I laughed, wiping my face with my hands.
“If I lose,” I told him, “it will not be because of that.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
We approached the tournament hall doors and walked in side by side. The place was packed and everyone went crazy loud cheering and clapping, whistling and calling out our names. We sat down at the board. He offered his fist and I bumped it with mine.
Tao was the best player I’d ever encountered, even better than Bernard, I thought, but it didn’t matter.
Because I was better.
CHAPTER THIRTY
I GOT HOME VERY EARLY Sunday morning and took a taxi home. It cost a fortune, but I didn’t have much to worry about in that respect anymore. I wasn’t rich by any means, but I had enough to fix my floor, enough to make some real plans for myself. Tao was gracious in his loss. He actually laughed so hard he teared up when I felled his queen.
“You’re my arch nemesis, Lily Hahn,” he told me, handing me a piece of paper with his email on it as he shook my hand and laughed all the way out the door.
I’d turned around to find Bernard. He’d greeted me with glassy eyes.
“Good job, young lady,” he’d said.
Though I was tired, I agreed to meet Hollie and Matt with the girls for dinner that night. They were dressed so prettily it made my heart ache. We met at an old lobster house near the shore where I lived. It was a nice place. I’d never been there. Whenever I passed it as a kid, even as a teen, I always thought it was the kind of place only rich people went to.
I looked down at my phone when we sat at our table. I didn’t know what I was looking to find. Salinger hadn’t been on my flight on the way home. I’d planned on talking to him there, but he’d purposely avoided me. I ignored the pit in my stomach it caused. When my check cleared the bank, I had plans to pay him back, not just for the flight but for all the help he’d given me while I fought to improve my old house.
“What looks good?” Matt asked the table, perusing the menu.
“I want chicken fingers,” Callie said, propping a small Lego set on the table.
“I don’t know if they have chicken fingers, Cal,” Hollie absently answered her. Her finger scrolled down the menu and landed at the bottom. “Good news for you, Cal, they have chicken fingers.”
Eloise looked at Matt. “Who doesn’t have chicken fingers?” she joshed.
He made a goofy face at her. “I know, she’s silly.”
My heart started to break all over again. Their easy banter, easy manner amongst them hurt so deep.
“What are you getting?” Matt asked me.
I startled aware. “Oh,” I cleared my throat, “haven’t really looked.”
“Well, pick whatever you want,” he said, “our treat.”
“Th-thank you,” I whispered.
“Oh!” Hollie exclaimed. “How did your chess tournament go?” she asked me.
Matt smiled at me. “Hollie told me all about it,” he said. “We looked it up and everything. How’d you do?”
I swallowed nothing. “Yeah,” I blushed, “well, I won.”
The table got quiet, including Eloise and Callie, but they were looking up at Matt and Hollie trying to figure out why they looked so shocked.
“What’s going on?” Eloise asked.
“You won?” Matt asked for confirmation.
My face grew hotter. “Yes, sir. I won the whole tournament.”
Hollie squealed in excitement and clapped her hands. “Oh my gosh, Lily, that is so wonderful. Congratulations!”
“Congratulations indeed,” Matt said. “I’m so impressed. I think this is a celebratory dinner then.”
“Someone tell me what’s going on?” Eloise insisted again.
“Your sister Lily has won a very difficult chess tournament, Ellie,” Hollie explained, striking a dagger through my stomach with her new nickname for my sister.
Eloise looked at me, her eyes wide. “Wow, Lily! That’s so cool!”
“Thank you, baby.”
Callie nodded at me and smiled like she had any idea what we were talking about. I winked at her.
“Hey, we’ve got some good news, too,” Eloise told me.
“Oh yeah?” I asked her.
“Yeah!” she said. “We want Matt and Hollie to be our mommy and daddy now. Isn’t that cool?”
My heart beat a million miles an hour. I scooted out of my chair a little and stared at Hollie and Matt, who looked surprised by Eloise’s outburst.
“What is she talking about?” I asked them.
Matt crouched, trying to decide whether to stand. He decided against it and sat back down.
“We didn’t want to spring this on you,” Matt explained.
“Spring this on me? What are you talking about? You can’t have them. You can’t have them!”
“Now, Lily,” Hollie tried to soothe.
“Don’t,” I bit. “Stop. They’re mine.”
“Lily,” Matt quieted.
“No!” I practically yelled. The restaurant grew silent. “You have no right!”
Eloise looked up at me confused. “Don’t yell at them!” she defended.
I looked at her. “Wheeze,” I desperately pled, “you don’t mean that. Don’t you want to come back home with me? You and Callie?”
Eloise looked like she didn’t know how to answer.
“Baby, I’m your sister. Don’t you want to come back home with me?”
“Could Mom and Dad come live with us too?” she asked. She reached for Hollie’s hand. She was reaching for reassurance. She was reaching for security.
I felt sick to my stomach.
Callie stood up and went over to Matt, sitting in his lap. She was doing the same. They were scared. Scared I’d take them away from Matt and Hollie.
I stood up, my napkin falling to the floor. “Oh my God,” I repeated over and over.
“Lily, sit, please,” Matt offered. “Let’s just have a discussion. That’s all.”
“Oh my God,” I said. “I can’t lose them,” I whispered.
“We don’t want that either,” Hollie assured me.