She turned to him. “Bernard, you don’t know if I will even make it to the final round.”
Tao and I stared at her. Everyone there at that table knew she would make it. Everyone knew but her.
Bernard rapped his knuckle on the table. “Absolute horse hockey. You are the best player here.”
Tao grinned at her, sending me into a jealous internal rage.
“Well,” she argued, “Tao’s rating is so much higher than mine, Bernard. He’s the better player.”
“Wrong,” he said. I saw her face and throat flame. “You are the best player here, probably the best player nationally, and even more likely to be the best player in the world.”
“Bernard!” she said. “You’re overestimating me!”
“That is an untruth. I have perfectly estimated you.”
Tao watched her closely, very closely. He sat back in his chair, his head cocked to one side, tongued one of his eyeteeth, and smiled at her. I wanted to hit him so bad.
“Excuse me, young man!” Bernard called out to the bartender. He stood and approached the bar, unaware of the tension at the table.
I stared at Tao. He was flirting with her. I didn’t think she realized, and that made it all the more frustrating. The very idea of another person in her life beside me made me crazy inside. Imagining it as Tao nearly knocked me over, because he probably would have been good to her, they were closer in talent regarding the game. He obviously liked her and that seethed inside me.
“He’s overestimating me,” she said quietly, staring at her small hands on the table.
“I guess we’ll find out,” Tao said, standing up. She looked up at him, her big round green eyes staring straight into his and he leaned over her. Too close. He’s too close to her. His hand rested on the table next hers. “Don’t you dare lose in the first few rounds,” he flirted with her. He stood upright again, stuck his hands in his pockets, and walked back through the lobby.
She watched him, actually watched him, walk to the stairs, then turned back to me. She’s never going to be in to me. I gritted my jaw, pissed at myself for letting myself fall in love with her. She was emotionally tied. She was suffering and she needed a friend. It was my duty not to let those lines cross. I shouldn’t have let myself fall so easily.
And it was easy.
Too easy. So easy.
She was sweet and quiet but unbelievably strong, though she didn’t know that about herself. She was kind and gentle and wished the best for everyone. She was too hard on herself. She felt as if she was culpable for everything that had happened to her mom and stepdad. She wasn’t, and I knew I was willing to spend every second of my life making sure she understood that.
She was targeted, and often because she was too tolerant and beautiful. Sterling had targeted her. She’d never admitted it to me, but I could tell he was gearing up to something worse than physical abuse. The very thought sent me reeling in anger. And then there was that asshole Trace, that disgusting piece of shit who drugged her and assaulted her. Then a thought struck me.
Wait, am I targeting her? I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted her. I wanted to help her, but my intentions had turned to love. I’d promised her I had integrity. But you don’t, do you? Because you would sell everything you own to kiss her, wouldn’t you?
“What’s wrong?” she asked me.
I looked down at the table, unable to face her, too ashamed of myself. “Nothing,” I lied. “I’ll be right back,” I said, standing up. I practically sprinted out of there.
“Wait! Salinger!” she called after me, but I ignored her.
I wanted to run back to her, but I didn’t. Instead, I headed for the skittles room so I could think. Inside, I ran into Peter Aurek. He looked slightly embarrassed when he saw me.
“Aurek,” I greeted him coldly.
“Hey, dude,” he said, his hand going to the back of his neck.
“Heard about what you said to Lily in Austin last week.”
He had the decency to turn bright red. “Yeah, about that.”
“That’s pretty shitty of you.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, “I know. In fact, I’m looking for Lily. I wanted to apologize to her.”
“I saw her in the bar upstairs with Bernard Calvin last.”
“Thanks, I’ll go up there later and tell her I was being a dick.”
“Good.”
He studied me. “You look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.”
I ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah, I’m fucked in the head.”
Peter laughed. “You just described every motherfucker in here.”
I nodded in agreement.
“I think I lo—” I cleared my throat, “love Lily Hahn.” I’d stuttered over the word like a fool. I didn’t know why I was confiding in the jackass.
He laughed. “Never fall in love with the queen, Salinger, or you won’t be able to tumble her.” I sighed. “Besides, been there, done that,” he added.
“Who?” I asked.
“You know, Lyric?” he asked me.
I choked on nothing. “Yeah, uh, she’s cool. A little bit psycho, but if she could settle down, she’d be a lot cooler.”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
I gotta get control of myself before I talk to her again.
Eventually a couple of other people joined us, including Lyric and Tao. More time passed and I noticed Lily before anyone else did. Oh my God, she was beautiful. She was foreign to that room, otherworldly. She didn’t belong. Everyone knew it; everyone saw it. She was better than all of us, and I wanted her.
I noticed the moment she saw me, and my heart began to beat a crazy rhythm.
Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her. Whatever you do, do not look at her. All your careful planning will be for nothing if you look at her.
“Is it me or is Tao kind of a douche?” Lyric said under her breath.
I laughed mostly as a distraction from Lily.
Then she did something odd, made like she was going to leave. Tao noticed her.
“Lily! Where are you going!” he yelled.
She walked over to us and I felt my skin heat up.
“Guys,” Tao introduced, “this is Lily. She’s the one who beat Aurek last week in Austin.”
Everyone started teasing Peter. He waved at her, obviously still embarrassed.
I mostly ignored the conversation until some random asked Lyric if she thought it was nice to have another girl around. I knew Lyric hadn’t made the ratings minimum, so I tried to help her dodge that line of questioning.
“Yeah,” Lyric answered him.
“Lyric, I didn’t see your name on the roster,” Peter commented.
Yikes, Peter, read the room.
Lyric looked mortified. “Yeah, I, uh, didn’t make the ratings minimum.”
“Damn,” Tao said, coughing around a laugh.
I felt sorry for her. I didn’t want to have to come to her rescue, but I didn’t think anyone else would.
“She’ll get them back up,” I said. “Won’t you?” I pushed my shoulder into hers, hoping to convey something friendly.
“What about you, Lily?” Tao asked her.
She looked at him. “What?”
He laughed at her, incensing me. “Where have you been?
“Just thinking,” she explained.
“You’re kind of weird.”
I balled up a fist, ready to sock Tao right in the eye.
“Isn’t everybody?” Peter Aurek said, though, coming to her rescue. I felt like that had been my job. I felt like a failure.
She smiled at him. Smiled. I felt like my heart shattered.
She looked at me.
“Can I talk to you for a second, Salinger?” she asked.
My skin grew heavy. “Later,” I told the floor, hoping she would drop it. I needed time to decide how I was going to handle my feelings for her.
Lily left the group soon after that. I watched her leave, wishing I could chase after her. Soon after that, I got a text from her, stating Bernard had gotten us each a room. I went to the front desk to get the key she’d left and thought about just saying screw it and going up to her room to talk.
When I headed for the elevators, Lyric happened to be approaching at the same time.
“Going up?” she asked.
“Yeah, what floor?” I asked her.
“Five,” she answered.
“Same,” I said.
“Cool. What room?”
I looked at the key they’d given me. “Five-thirty-two.”
“I’m down the hall, the other end.”