I stared at the tall, heavy-looking velvet curtains encasing the small stage the room possessed.
When all the seats were filled, they allowed spectators to fill in along the walls. Lyric came in and meandered her way through people until she reached Salinger’s table. I saw Bernard as well. He was stuck somewhere near Salinger as well, but he’d voiced his displeasure, I’d heard him, about how he wanted to stand on the stage. He kept asking why he couldn’t get on the stage.
They told him he couldn’t several times and he finally agreed to stay where he was.
“Young lady!” Bernard yelled into the room.
Everyone quieted, a few giggled. I looked over at Bernard. I noticed Salinger staring at me as well as Lyric.
“Good luck, my girl!”
I nodded and stared at my board.
The official made a big to-do emphasizing the importance of staying quiet that I thought was for Bernard’s benefit only then called the time.
“Good luck,” the boy told me.
“Same,” I was able to mutter back.
I defeated him. Easily. So easily he was speechless. I was the first to finish. When the official was done marking our results I shook the boy’s hand and started for the doors.
“Already?” Bernard practically shouted, calling for the official to shush him.
The whole room turned toward me as I left.
“Wherever you are going, young lady, be back within the hour,” he shouted after me.
Everyone started laughing, but I just raised two fingers, my index and middle, together in acknowledgment.
“Mr. Calvin, do you need to leave?” I heard an official ask him as I left, his tone pissed.
Bernard shook his head. Tao watched me, followed every step I made until I was out of view. So did Aurek.
So did Salinger.
I decided I’d go back to my room. My hair had dried, but my shirt was still soaked through and it made me cold, so I changed. I laid down and as I did so, I thought about my sisters. I decided to text Hollie.
Hi, Hollie, it’s Lily. I wanted to know if it would be okay to talk to the girls.
I immediately received a reply.
Of course! Let’s facetime. Are you free now?
Yes, I texted.
She called and our phones connected. I saw the girls’ faces and I nearly burst out crying. They crowded into the camera, jumping up and down, and waving at me. I could see Hollie in the background giggling at their excitement.
“Lily!” they both screamed, smiling. “Lily, we miss you!”
The tears I’d been fighting came anyway. “Aww, I miss you too, girls! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow evening for dinner.”
Callie left the screen, but I could hear her chant “I’m excited” over and over, which made me feel more human again.
“Where are you at?” Hollie asked. “It looks like a hotel?”
I nodded. “Yes, I’m at a chess tournament in Richmond, Virginia,” I explained.
Hollie looked surprised but happy. “Wow! Are you competing?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.
“Are you any good?” she asked me.
“I try,” I told her.
“Well, that’s awesome!”
“Thank you.”
“Lily,” Eloise began, “I lost a tooth!”
“What! Crazy! That’s so cool,” I told her.
“I know! And the tooth fairy gave me five dollars! Can you believe it!”
“Wheezy, that is so neat. What are you gonna do with it?”
She looked up in thought then back at me. “I don’t know yet, Lily, I have so many ideas.”
I choked back tears. “Well, you let me know as soon as you’ve decided.”
“I will!” she promised.
Callie came back, but I could only see part of her face at the corner of my screen.
“I wanna lose a tooth, too, Lily. I check every day for a loose one.”
“Hang in there, ladybug, it’ll happen.”
“Just don’t force it,” Hollie contributed, laughing.
“Yeah,” I agreed with her. “Where’s Matt?” I asked them.
“Dad went golfing,” Callie explained.
My heart slowed to a complete stop before picking up at a feverish pace. She said dad.
“Th-that’s cool,” I stuttered.
I saw Eloise step down from a stool or chair. “We gotta go,” she said. “Cal and I were playing Barbies, Lily. “
“Oh, yes, I get it, baby. Go play. I love you both so much.”
“I love you,” Eloise told me and ran off.
“I love you!” Callie called out and presumably ran with Eloise.
“Sorry it was so short,” Hollie added.
“No, I get it. I love they’re so happy. I-I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I barely got out. I meant it. I actually meant it, but it was hard to say, all the same. “Thank you so much for letting me talk to them.”
She smiled. “Call me any time, Lily. Any time.”
I smiled back. “See you tomorrow then.”
“See you then.”
I hung up.
“I wish I knew what I was doing,” I told no one.
I went downstairs twenty minutes before my second round. I decided against the skittles room. Instead, I waited by the tournament room doors. When a group of officials opened the door, I had to step aside for a few of them to pass. They headed straight for the Player’s Room, so I approached the official by the door.
“Can I come in?” I asked him quietly.
“Sure,” he said. “Name?”
“Lily Hahn.”
“Table seven, seat two.”
“Thank you.”
I went in and sat down. The room was empty but for me, of course, and it felt so weird. I looked across the tabletops at all the beautiful boards, at all their beautiful pieces. The beautiful queen that sat before each one us. We were all desperate for her. She was our endgame. To capture her, we were forced to navigate around the unexpected, around strategy, around tactics. In the end, though, it was how well you anticipated, wasn’t it? It was about your ability to play defensively as well as offensively.
That’s your problem in life, isn’t it, Lily? I played defensively. Always defensively.
I coped with my own laziness by convincing myself one day I would make something of myself, just not right then. I coped with not figuring out my dreams by telling myself I wasn’t worthy of them anyway. I coped with my mom’s desperation by ignoring her. I coped with a diminished life because I wasn’t alone in it. I coped with Sterling’s abuse by smoking weed.
I’d coped with life by avoiding it.
I can’t do that anymore.
People started trickling in and I felt more than saw Bernard standing beside me. I looked up at him.
“I have been calling your room,” he said. “I was worried.”
I looked up at him, his eyes frantically searching my own. “I’m sorry, Bernard. I’m,” I took a deep breath, “I miss my ,mom very badly today and I’m having some trouble.”
His face softened. “I’m very sorry, L-Lily,” he said, finally using my name.
“It will be okay,” I told him. “I will figure it all out.”
“I’m not very good at talking,” he told me, wringing his hands and looking away from me, “I-I-I have difficulties understanding and processing emotion, but I’m not blind to them. I am very human and seeing other people suffer makes me feel strange inside. I hate it.”
“Don’t worry about me, Bernard.”
“It’s too late, young lady.”
I tried to smile at him. “Bottle up your worry, Bernard, and I will tell you when to release it again.”
He looked at the tops of his shoes then into my face. “I believe I can do that if you can promise to keeping moving forward.”
“I promise,” I whispered.
“We’ve struck a deal then,” he said. “You are not allowed to renege.”
“I promise,” I assured him again.
“Win this game then.”
“I will.”
I won.
I won the third round as well.
And the fourth.
I noted that Peter Aurek lost that round.
I won my game in the fifth as well, guaranteeing a place in the final round.
Salinger lost to Tao. Guaranteeing myself at least twelve thousand dollars to fix the rest of my roof and flooring as long as I sat at the board to play. Salinger had won eight thousand and that made me feel happy for him.
Despite what might come to be, I felt a small weight lift from my shoulders.
It was Tao Zhang versus Lily Hahn in the finals, just as he desired.
I laid down in the lobby on a large leather couch waiting for the final round.